I was driving with just Duncan in the car with me. He was quiet, taking time to dream, ponder, plan or whatever. I don't know- it's none of my business. Then he said a single word, "autism."
I said nothing, just waited. He said it again. I said, "yes, autism...What is autism?"
His response; "charming and delightful."
I've often mentioned in passing when talking with him, that he is autistic, is a boy with autism. It's another facet of him like his curly hair, blue eyes and love of animated films. I've also told him over and over how wonderful he is, how he's perfect to me, funny, sweet, and yes delightful. I can't remember ever calling him charming but he just worked that out for himself.
I love how he is thinking about these parts of his identity- where he lives, who his family and friends are, where he belongs, and now also- he's figuring out that there's autism in there too. And he's embracing it. I'm proud of him.
Showing posts with label what they say. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what they say. Show all posts
30 Mar 2011
22 Mar 2010
It's not the reward
Last week after his gymnastics class, Thomas came to tell me that he'd managed to do a back flip without help and on the floor. He was very proud of his achievement. Lady also "got" her back flip (to use their terminology) a few weeks ago. As I'd done for his sister, I shared his joy, expressed my pride in his hard work and hugged his beautiful and strong little body. Later when I was downstairs I noticed a new gymnastics trophy on the shelf. "Oh that," he said easily,"I won it today for getting my back-flip."
I was really happy to see he had taken more pride in sharing the accomplishment of the move instead of the reward, relished the intrinsic satisfaction and not the extrinsic prize. Just getting his back-flip was all the reward he needed.
Wish I'd been less focused on the praise and the prizes when I was his age and I might be less influenced by how I think others see me now.
I was really happy to see he had taken more pride in sharing the accomplishment of the move instead of the reward, relished the intrinsic satisfaction and not the extrinsic prize. Just getting his back-flip was all the reward he needed.
Wish I'd been less focused on the praise and the prizes when I was his age and I might be less influenced by how I think others see me now.
21 Mar 2010
Elf Spotted in North Down
This afternoon, I was driving with Lady and Duncan when Duncan said something that had us roaring laughing. A woman crossed the road in front of us and Duncan, sitting in the front passenger seat beside me looked at her very closely, brow furrowed. Then he announced, clearly referring to the woman, "it is NOT a human."
I protested, "It is a human!" (I found myself using the same pronoun as him, he uses the gender pronouns interchangeably anyway.)
Duncan disagreed. "No. It is not a human."
"Well what is it then?"
His empahtic response;"it is an elf."
I could see why he thought that. The woman had short dark hair, was wearing a furry sort of pale coat and had very red cheeks. She did have a bit of the elf (like those in the film Elf) about her. And Duncan was deadly serious, thinking he'd just pointed out something as obvious as if he'd shown me a white van or a black bird.
It was a nice wee bit of sunshine in the day.
I protested, "It is a human!" (I found myself using the same pronoun as him, he uses the gender pronouns interchangeably anyway.)
Duncan disagreed. "No. It is not a human."
"Well what is it then?"
His empahtic response;"it is an elf."
I could see why he thought that. The woman had short dark hair, was wearing a furry sort of pale coat and had very red cheeks. She did have a bit of the elf (like those in the film Elf) about her. And Duncan was deadly serious, thinking he'd just pointed out something as obvious as if he'd shown me a white van or a black bird.
It was a nice wee bit of sunshine in the day.
12 Nov 2009
Burping and Swearing
Duncan has been working on some important skills. His current favourite video is shown below. He's watching it right now beside me and just cracking up. He keeps saying it's a "TV Burp" thinking about the TV show we watch together sometimes.
His ambition it appears, is to emulate the burpability of Buddy the Elf, and he's been practicing hard. It's such a delight to hear him burping or, to use the terminology of my childhood, rifting, when we're in the car together. I suspect that if I stay stoic and blandly keep telling him to be polite he'll get tired of this soon enough.
Like many nine year old boys, he's discovered the power of cursing. It could be worse. He knows that I don't want him shouting rude words (at least until he can determine when it's not going to upset people to hear him). He's sort of tempering it; now while playing his Gameboy he expresses his frustrations with "What the!" He sometimes shouts "oh F...OX!" but I know what he means. Little rapscallion.
His ambition it appears, is to emulate the burpability of Buddy the Elf, and he's been practicing hard. It's such a delight to hear him burping or, to use the terminology of my childhood, rifting, when we're in the car together. I suspect that if I stay stoic and blandly keep telling him to be polite he'll get tired of this soon enough.
Like many nine year old boys, he's discovered the power of cursing. It could be worse. He knows that I don't want him shouting rude words (at least until he can determine when it's not going to upset people to hear him). He's sort of tempering it; now while playing his Gameboy he expresses his frustrations with "What the!" He sometimes shouts "oh F...OX!" but I know what he means. Little rapscallion.
14 Sept 2009
Thomas reassured
"What is the most important thing in your life?" Thomas asked earnestly, a mode he often adopts.
I didn't have to think about that one. "My family, all of you."
"Well, the most important thing to me is to live with someone," said the child whom I know hates the idea of being alone. But then, who at 7 can contemplate solitude. "If you all died I would probably go and live with B. and S. [my brother and sister in law]. That is, if I can find their phone number."
"If something as awful and unlikely as that were to happen, then there are so many people who love you and they would come to you and help to care for you. Your Granda and Grandma and all your aunts and uncles would help you and make sure you were safe."
"Oh, OK," said he and we hugged.
I didn't have to think about that one. "My family, all of you."
"Well, the most important thing to me is to live with someone," said the child whom I know hates the idea of being alone. But then, who at 7 can contemplate solitude. "If you all died I would probably go and live with B. and S. [my brother and sister in law]. That is, if I can find their phone number."
"If something as awful and unlikely as that were to happen, then there are so many people who love you and they would come to you and help to care for you. Your Granda and Grandma and all your aunts and uncles would help you and make sure you were safe."
"Oh, OK," said he and we hugged.
30 Aug 2009
Thomas chooses life
I'm tucking Thomas in to bed and he says, "if it was a choice between you dying and me dying, I'd want to die because I love you more than I love myself."
(Really, I think it's his fear of living without me.)
I say that I hope neither of us has to die any time soon, but I'm a lot older and have had more time so given the choice, I'd want him to have a chance to grow up.
He says, "for Melanie and Ricky, I think it'd be hard."
I ask who they are. He says they're some of the children he's going to have. "When they're both about 11, it's be hard for me to, you know, choose one. It'd be hard for you too wouldn't it, if you had to choose between me and Lady and Duncan?"
I assure him that it would be impossibly difficult as I love them all.
Then we share the final hug of the night.
For more of the boy's insights, including why the USA is so special, see his newly launched blog which he's called, Mega World, "because the world is very big after all."
(Really, I think it's his fear of living without me.)
I say that I hope neither of us has to die any time soon, but I'm a lot older and have had more time so given the choice, I'd want him to have a chance to grow up.
He says, "for Melanie and Ricky, I think it'd be hard."
I ask who they are. He says they're some of the children he's going to have. "When they're both about 11, it's be hard for me to, you know, choose one. It'd be hard for you too wouldn't it, if you had to choose between me and Lady and Duncan?"
I assure him that it would be impossibly difficult as I love them all.
Then we share the final hug of the night.
For more of the boy's insights, including why the USA is so special, see his newly launched blog which he's called, Mega World, "because the world is very big after all."
14 May 2009
The Considered Opinions of Thomas, aged 7
Me-Can I ask you a few questions about your life and then write your answers down on my blog so people can read them?
Thomas-Yes.
Tell me about your favourite things.
The best things for me are going out places and...no...going to Disneyland, I mean World. Going to Disney World on holiday is the best. And I like going out places too.
Where do you like to go?
W5.
What else do you enjoy doing?
Playing with my friends.
How often do you see them?
Almost every day, but not the friends we have to drive to see.
What do you like doing in the house?
I like watching TV and eating grapes.
Do you like having Lady and Duncan as your big brother and sister.
Well...some of the time.
Do you know what Duncan's disability is called?
Yes, it's autism. It mean that he's autistic.
What does that mean, do you know?
It's harder for him to know things.
What sort of things?
It's harder for him to do what I tell him to.
Do you think autism makes him better at anything as well?
He's better at running and he's better at using the computer.
What is it like having Duncan as your brother?
I wish he wasn't autistic then he could play with me more. But I like playing chase with him.
How do you play that?
It's like ordinary tag, I run after him and we do loads of laughing and screaming.
Yes, the two of you make a lot of noise sometimes at night when I want you to go to sleep!
That's enough questions now Mummy.
OK then. Thanks!
Thomas-Yes.
Tell me about your favourite things.
The best things for me are going out places and...no...going to Disneyland, I mean World. Going to Disney World on holiday is the best. And I like going out places too.
Where do you like to go?
W5.
What else do you enjoy doing?
Playing with my friends.
How often do you see them?
Almost every day, but not the friends we have to drive to see.
What do you like doing in the house?
I like watching TV and eating grapes.
Do you like having Lady and Duncan as your big brother and sister.
Well...some of the time.
Do you know what Duncan's disability is called?
Yes, it's autism. It mean that he's autistic.
What does that mean, do you know?
It's harder for him to know things.
What sort of things?
It's harder for him to do what I tell him to.
Do you think autism makes him better at anything as well?
He's better at running and he's better at using the computer.
What is it like having Duncan as your brother?
I wish he wasn't autistic then he could play with me more. But I like playing chase with him.
How do you play that?
It's like ordinary tag, I run after him and we do loads of laughing and screaming.
Yes, the two of you make a lot of noise sometimes at night when I want you to go to sleep!
That's enough questions now Mummy.
OK then. Thanks!
19 Mar 2009
Who do you love the best?
I spent most of Paddy's Day '09 with my 2 boys. We baked cakes then covered them with green icing and jelly beans. A few special "chuckie"cakes (don't bother me with the spelling M, I'm being ironic!) got the green, white and orange beans and these we took to my dad's place where we were having dinner. We all had a lovely evening, Thomas played Kerplunk with anyone willing to give him a game, Duncan jumped on the bed and pulled the rail off a wardrobe - oops. Daddy said that he had to sort his clothes out anyway. Right. Duncan also enjoyed a few tickling and tumbling games with his Granda, especially "throw me over the balcony," an exciting swinging game and "take him away" in which he kisses Granda who pretends to want rid of him and I or another volunteer try to prise him away. They invent new ones every month or so and it's all very exciting.
Duncan headed off to the loo taking the Argos catalogue with him so I knew it was a sit-down assignment. A few minutes later we heard pouring water and he'd decided to run himself a bath. He had a lovely wee soak, splashed the bathroom and got himself all nice and clean again.
Eventually I decided I'd allowed everyone to enjoy the pleasure of my boisterous boys for long enough and we headed home. It was nice to be asked out, much better than sitting home all day.
In the car, Thomas was muttering to himself then wondered aloud what his last word would be. He'd had a first word, he explained, so it made sense that he had to have a last word too. I said that my last words would probably be something like, "just another slice please!"
Later in the evening Lady returned after a very successful trip to Donegal with her pals. Unfortunately she arrived at that part of the day when I've just about run out of cheer and good will and I was giving out to Duncan for some mess or other he'd created and she was saddened to see me cross and sadder still that her Daddy would be away for the next 3 nights for meetings and lectures. But they had a great chat the next morning and she felt better again.
The next day we ladies watched Pride and Prejudice (Ehle and Firth version, yummy) while I combed her matted hair for hours. It's all nicely plaited again now. Then while the gymnasts in the family did their thing, Duncan and I went shopping, he sitting in the Tesco trolly for disabled children. Right by the trolley park was a mound of Easter eggs in Thomas the Tank boxes. Uh oh, chocolate and Thomas combined, a potent mix. He picked one up, examined it and said, "Thomas! Duncan likes it the best!" Then he thought for a while and said, "and Thomas likes Doctor Who the best and Lady likes Bratz the best." (He's a few years out of date with that last, but it's nice he's thinking of them.) I asked, "What does Mummy like the best?" He answered, "Mummy likes Duncan the best" earning a big smile and affirming hug from me.
Duncan headed off to the loo taking the Argos catalogue with him so I knew it was a sit-down assignment. A few minutes later we heard pouring water and he'd decided to run himself a bath. He had a lovely wee soak, splashed the bathroom and got himself all nice and clean again.
Eventually I decided I'd allowed everyone to enjoy the pleasure of my boisterous boys for long enough and we headed home. It was nice to be asked out, much better than sitting home all day.
In the car, Thomas was muttering to himself then wondered aloud what his last word would be. He'd had a first word, he explained, so it made sense that he had to have a last word too. I said that my last words would probably be something like, "just another slice please!"
Later in the evening Lady returned after a very successful trip to Donegal with her pals. Unfortunately she arrived at that part of the day when I've just about run out of cheer and good will and I was giving out to Duncan for some mess or other he'd created and she was saddened to see me cross and sadder still that her Daddy would be away for the next 3 nights for meetings and lectures. But they had a great chat the next morning and she felt better again.
The next day we ladies watched Pride and Prejudice (Ehle and Firth version, yummy) while I combed her matted hair for hours. It's all nicely plaited again now. Then while the gymnasts in the family did their thing, Duncan and I went shopping, he sitting in the Tesco trolly for disabled children. Right by the trolley park was a mound of Easter eggs in Thomas the Tank boxes. Uh oh, chocolate and Thomas combined, a potent mix. He picked one up, examined it and said, "Thomas! Duncan likes it the best!" Then he thought for a while and said, "and Thomas likes Doctor Who the best and Lady likes Bratz the best." (He's a few years out of date with that last, but it's nice he's thinking of them.) I asked, "What does Mummy like the best?" He answered, "Mummy likes Duncan the best" earning a big smile and affirming hug from me.
16 Mar 2009
Encounters with friends and neighbours
We've had a few friends come to visit in the past week or so. First, a friend of Lady's, whom she met at gymnastics stayed over for 2 nights. The 2 girls stayed up really late on Friday night, chatting and giggling then both had collapsed in a heap by 7pm the following evening. Thomas did his ju-jitsu grading (he's on the orange belt now!) despite Lady and her pal going off for a walk before we needed to get out to the sport's centre and sauntering back home 20 minutes after we should have left. I was one angry mummy as we eventually got on our way. She's a good hearted girl, the very best, but phew can she make me mad with her day-dreaming forgetfulness. In fact, she reminds me of myself at her age, same desire to wander off on explorative walks, poking at holes by tree roots, collecting leaf and flower samples, and best of all, looking for wriggly things in ponds. Lady had landed back with a jar full of frog spawn that I then had to get a tank for. Kids eh.
Our next visitors were some good friends who live close by and who also are learning without school. Lady and Thomas enjoyed their company greatly. Duncan wasn't much interested most of the time, but he did get them to join him as he played out the scene from Snow White where the 7 slovenly dwarves return from work and are surprised to see a pretty girl has opted to cook and clean for them all. Patriarchy, bah!
As so often these days, Duncan requested that I film their escapades. He often edits bits from these films (at least those involving just my own brood, other people's children are safe) cut with Disney film pictures. He's got loads of them on YouTube now. One of his Robin Hood series had the following great slide:
Robin Hood
The Speicel A Dishon
I'm sure you can decipher his invented spelling.
Another family were round later for a few hours. These people live just up the road and one of the 3 children is autistic. I got to meet him briefly once as he's been at school where he stays for 3 (or 4?) nights each week when his mum and siblings were around. I hope he can visit properly soon, but I'll have to do something about Pippi as he's really scared of dogs. His mum is lovely and we got along really well. She shared my outrage over the autism manure book and the father writing that he'd prefer his kids had cancer, not autism.
Here are a few videos I took a couple of days ago showing Duncan's self devised Pinocchio outfit. Unfortunately this costume did involve the mutilation of a few innocent tops to achieve the correct layering effects. But the clothes involved were very cheap and just about too small for him anyway. I've asked that he gets my permission before cutting his clothes up in future. Anyway, it's my pleasure to introduce, Pinocchio, the dancing puppet and his pet dog Pippi.
As I was writing, he told me to out his Rugrats picture "on the blog," said with such a proprietary air. I aim to please:
Lady's gymnastics friend's mum kindly took her out with them to watch her first ever ice hockey match which starred the Belfast Giants. She arrived home elated, with a signed photo of some handsome, burly hockey player and painted stripes on her face. I'm not even sure if her team won, but they all certainly had a great time. She says that I have to take Thomas to the next match as he'd love it. She's been staying with the same family at their mobile home in Donegal since Saturday. I hope they aren't getting sick of her! She's called home twice to say what a great time she's having. No doubt there'll be further details on her own blog presently.
Gordon's Mum offered to babysit the boys on Saturday night. Not surprisingly we jumped at the chance to get out together and headed out for a really nice meal. It was kind of a special evening.
This morning Thomas wasn't feeling the best and though I'd hoped to take them to W5 to meet up with friends, after Thomas forcibly expelled his stomach contents orally all over the dining room floor, I decided that we'd be better to stay put. So I cleaned up and when he was settled again, I read him a few more chapters of Harry Potter 3. Later he declared that he was feeling a bit better but, "I'm not 100% yet, more like 50% so I've 50 still to go." How do you know when you're raising a nerd?
I must end and tidy. Gordon heads off for the rest of the week for meetings and lectures here there and wherever. No doubt, the fun and games will continue without him.
Our next visitors were some good friends who live close by and who also are learning without school. Lady and Thomas enjoyed their company greatly. Duncan wasn't much interested most of the time, but he did get them to join him as he played out the scene from Snow White where the 7 slovenly dwarves return from work and are surprised to see a pretty girl has opted to cook and clean for them all. Patriarchy, bah!
As so often these days, Duncan requested that I film their escapades. He often edits bits from these films (at least those involving just my own brood, other people's children are safe) cut with Disney film pictures. He's got loads of them on YouTube now. One of his Robin Hood series had the following great slide:
Robin HoodThe Speicel A Dishon
I'm sure you can decipher his invented spelling.
Another family were round later for a few hours. These people live just up the road and one of the 3 children is autistic. I got to meet him briefly once as he's been at school where he stays for 3 (or 4?) nights each week when his mum and siblings were around. I hope he can visit properly soon, but I'll have to do something about Pippi as he's really scared of dogs. His mum is lovely and we got along really well. She shared my outrage over the autism manure book and the father writing that he'd prefer his kids had cancer, not autism.
Here are a few videos I took a couple of days ago showing Duncan's self devised Pinocchio outfit. Unfortunately this costume did involve the mutilation of a few innocent tops to achieve the correct layering effects. But the clothes involved were very cheap and just about too small for him anyway. I've asked that he gets my permission before cutting his clothes up in future. Anyway, it's my pleasure to introduce, Pinocchio, the dancing puppet and his pet dog Pippi.
As I was writing, he told me to out his Rugrats picture "on the blog," said with such a proprietary air. I aim to please:
Lady's gymnastics friend's mum kindly took her out with them to watch her first ever ice hockey match which starred the Belfast Giants. She arrived home elated, with a signed photo of some handsome, burly hockey player and painted stripes on her face. I'm not even sure if her team won, but they all certainly had a great time. She says that I have to take Thomas to the next match as he'd love it. She's been staying with the same family at their mobile home in Donegal since Saturday. I hope they aren't getting sick of her! She's called home twice to say what a great time she's having. No doubt there'll be further details on her own blog presently.
Gordon's Mum offered to babysit the boys on Saturday night. Not surprisingly we jumped at the chance to get out together and headed out for a really nice meal. It was kind of a special evening.
This morning Thomas wasn't feeling the best and though I'd hoped to take them to W5 to meet up with friends, after Thomas forcibly expelled his stomach contents orally all over the dining room floor, I decided that we'd be better to stay put. So I cleaned up and when he was settled again, I read him a few more chapters of Harry Potter 3. Later he declared that he was feeling a bit better but, "I'm not 100% yet, more like 50% so I've 50 still to go." How do you know when you're raising a nerd?
I must end and tidy. Gordon heads off for the rest of the week for meetings and lectures here there and wherever. No doubt, the fun and games will continue without him.
15 Jan 2009
A short mostly happy post
Duncan likes to look at this blog, in particular at his pictures, films and photos. He cuddled beside me just now as I clicked onto the archives for November looking for the link to my "Flying Virgin" post. He smiled at the photo of him sleeping next to me and said, "Mummy is holding Duncan. Mummy is keeping Duncan safe and Duncan is happy on the Virgin aeroplane."
Oh boy, he melts my heart. Being with this amazing child is the antidote to the vicious disablism evident in the comments on a CiF piece in the Guardian yesterday. By the time I read it there were 125 comments so I couldn't even be bothered to address the cruel misunderstandings and insults. Bah.
On another topic, Thomas and Lady both received good news at their gymnastics class yesterday. Both were complimented by a senior coach and advised to change to more advanced classes for children with particular talent and potential. Thomas reckons he'll be an Olympian in time, whereas Lady is just pleased that her dream of getting better at the sport she loves is coming true.
Oh boy, he melts my heart. Being with this amazing child is the antidote to the vicious disablism evident in the comments on a CiF piece in the Guardian yesterday. By the time I read it there were 125 comments so I couldn't even be bothered to address the cruel misunderstandings and insults. Bah.On another topic, Thomas and Lady both received good news at their gymnastics class yesterday. Both were complimented by a senior coach and advised to change to more advanced classes for children with particular talent and potential. Thomas reckons he'll be an Olympian in time, whereas Lady is just pleased that her dream of getting better at the sport she loves is coming true.
19 Dec 2008
A sense of style
Lady has cared about how she looks for a long time. Since she was a toddler she has chosen most of her outfits though often when she was younger, she'd mix it up in clashing colours that had me rolling my eyes and envying her nice, neat, pristine and coordinated friends. But I usually let her make that decision, knowing there were plenty of other battles that I had to win. As she's grown, she has developed a cool and easy style and always looks good. She's so different from myself at her age, when I had no confidence about clothes and hated shopping, worrying about what my friends might think about what I wore, and just having no idea what looked good on me.
Thomas too likes to dress to impress, and gave me shopping instructions for the Big Family Christmas Party we're going to on Sunday; black trousers and a button down shirt. He's not gone too far into junior meterosexual territory yet, hasn't asked for hair gel or anything, but he makes an effort now and then.
So far, Duncan has only worried about clothes when he's been dressing up. Then he'd pull together a look using stuff from his dressing up box, but also the drawers and wardrobes of all the family, if he thought it fit the part.
But when we were in Florida, I was buying tops for the children, and he picked a couple that he wanted. One was a Spiderman shirt printed with a picture of a rippling chest, which looks so funny on his skinny frame. But hey, he wanted that one. He also chose a bright Disney shirt and has worn it often since we got home.
I've usually laid an outfit out for him each morning, but more often than not he wears what he wants. Recently there was another new development. We were in the supermarket, home to dough-nuts, sweets, crisps, DVDs and toys and so full of temptations for a boy like Duncan. He looked at these in turn, chose a packet of gum, examined as usual the case of the much wanted but at the same time feared Dinosaur DVD, then said, "go see boy's things" and walked off to the clothes section! I wasn't expecting that. He liked the look of shirt/waistcoat combo, saying it was a "Lord of the Rings top." (Lady's just explained why; he's seen clips of the Hobbits on YouTube.) But he opted instead for a stripped and very handsome looking shirt, and a Superman T-shirt. Now he has a special outfit for the party too.
I just need to think about what I'll be wearing now. I can't let my fashionable children down.
Thomas too likes to dress to impress, and gave me shopping instructions for the Big Family Christmas Party we're going to on Sunday; black trousers and a button down shirt. He's not gone too far into junior meterosexual territory yet, hasn't asked for hair gel or anything, but he makes an effort now and then.
So far, Duncan has only worried about clothes when he's been dressing up. Then he'd pull together a look using stuff from his dressing up box, but also the drawers and wardrobes of all the family, if he thought it fit the part.
But when we were in Florida, I was buying tops for the children, and he picked a couple that he wanted. One was a Spiderman shirt printed with a picture of a rippling chest, which looks so funny on his skinny frame. But hey, he wanted that one. He also chose a bright Disney shirt and has worn it often since we got home.
I've usually laid an outfit out for him each morning, but more often than not he wears what he wants. Recently there was another new development. We were in the supermarket, home to dough-nuts, sweets, crisps, DVDs and toys and so full of temptations for a boy like Duncan. He looked at these in turn, chose a packet of gum, examined as usual the case of the much wanted but at the same time feared Dinosaur DVD, then said, "go see boy's things" and walked off to the clothes section! I wasn't expecting that. He liked the look of shirt/waistcoat combo, saying it was a "Lord of the Rings top." (Lady's just explained why; he's seen clips of the Hobbits on YouTube.) But he opted instead for a stripped and very handsome looking shirt, and a Superman T-shirt. Now he has a special outfit for the party too.
I just need to think about what I'll be wearing now. I can't let my fashionable children down.
18 Dec 2008
Thomas the man
Thomas told me his plans for adult life last night. He's decided that he'll be an actor and a doctor. He'll do each job part time, and no doubt expects to excel at both. He intends to have 5 children to be called, Ethan, Thomas, Ricky, Melanie and Marie, born in that order and each a year apart. The first child will be born when he's 20, which as we all know is absolutley ancient. He will marry a kind and funny woman who works as a gymnastics coach. Perhaps he's been inspired by some of the lovely and pretty young woman who teach his gymnastics class. They'll probably marry after Ethan is born so he can go to their wedding, and they'll all live in a 8 bedroom house (1 room each plus 1 for guests) in a warm part of the US. The children will all be home educated so they can have more fun. Lady was questioning him about his parenting style, asking if he'd be very strict or easy going, he replied, "I'm not going to be strict, why would I do that? I'll let them take a piece of fruit whenever they want and have a bowl of cereal whenever they want. But they'll always wear their seatbelts in the car." Lady also asked if he'd smoke when he's older, "No way!"
Nice to know he's got a plan.
Nice to know he's got a plan.
14 Dec 2008
Lap it up
Lady's friend from next door has been to stay with us for a few nights. The girls enjoyed spending lots of time together, with late night chats and lots of time spend enjoying such pre-teen delights as the Jonas Brothers and HSM (if you don't know the acronymn, you'll not care) on YouTube.
Best of all, Lady went with her friend to a school disco on Friday evening. The pair got all dolled up, Lady wearing a bit too much silvery eye shadow, so it fell under her eyes, panda fashion. A quick wipe sorted her out and off they went to face the music. I was told afterwards, that 3 boys had asked my 10 year old child to dance. Oh my. Is this the beginning of a new phase? Will I know how to strike a balance between allowing her freedom to have fun, make new friends and enjoy her journey towards adulthood with protecting and sheltering her and teaching her to make safe choices. Ah well, she's still very young. I'll just take it as it comes.
Thomas was a bit put out that he wasn't able to go dancing too. He rocks the joint when he's dancing in his room, not that he knows I've seen him. He asked "why do the girls get to go to the ball, and I don't?" So endearing! My sister pointed out the Harry Potter connection; school balls instead of discos. To make it up to him, I took him to the soft play area this afternoon and he ran himself ragged while I supped tea and read, so different from when Duncan's there too. Duncan whiled the afternoon away by lounging in the bath (the boy has at least one a day) and checking out cuckoo clocks on ebay. He's got his eye on one that costs over £200. I bid on a couple but didn't go quite high enough so I still have to get one from somewhere before Christmas. And he's very particular about what it must look like and how it must perform. Bum. At least I won a Lego Spiderman so perhaps that'll distract from any potential clock deficit.
11 Sept 2008
Duncan tells us how it is
Duncan made a few more pictures so I put them into a film. I thought it might be nice to have him talk about them, so I asked him if he wanted to tell me about his pictures. He was ever so happy to comply, and I recorded his thoughts on my MP3 player.
He loves the end result. He likes watching the other films we made of his own pictures but this one is his new favourite.
He loves the end result. He likes watching the other films we made of his own pictures but this one is his new favourite.
9 Sept 2008
"Let's go!" said Duncan
Duncan lives much of his life as if he's starring in a film. He has an ongoing script that he mutters to himself as he goes along. When he's riding his bike he's really Percy the cheeky steam engine and he crashes into buffers or goes too fast and comes off the tracks. As well as the Thomas Tank stories, an assortment of other characters and scenarios are played out.
Recently he's taken this a step further. In the past few days when he answers me or tells me something, or just is scripting one of his myriad adventures, he puts his own words in quotes. As we walk into the shop together he says, "'Let's go!' said Duncan."
When I don't get him a book he wants, it's, "'You're a nasty woman,' grumbled Duncan."
When he can't get a new Trainz engine downloaded he says, "'Oh dear, it's all wrong' cried Duncan."
At bedtime, when I ask him to turn the computer off and come to brush his teeth, "'I don't want to go to bed,' moaned Duncan."
Recently he's taken this a step further. In the past few days when he answers me or tells me something, or just is scripting one of his myriad adventures, he puts his own words in quotes. As we walk into the shop together he says, "'Let's go!' said Duncan."
When I don't get him a book he wants, it's, "'You're a nasty woman,' grumbled Duncan."
When he can't get a new Trainz engine downloaded he says, "'Oh dear, it's all wrong' cried Duncan."
At bedtime, when I ask him to turn the computer off and come to brush his teeth, "'I don't want to go to bed,' moaned Duncan."
Thomas & Friends Down the Mine
This post and its title, were dictated to me by Duncan:
This new programme was especially made for video in "James and Duck and Thomas's ABC," the tank engines teach young children using rhymes and songs to understand and enjoy learning!
So now you know!
This new programme was especially made for video in "James and Duck and Thomas's ABC," the tank engines teach young children using rhymes and songs to understand and enjoy learning!
So now you know!
1 Jul 2008
Summer Justification
Yesterday was the first day of the summer holidays for all the children who go to school. I was none too surprised then when the door bell started to ring shortly after 10 to see when my children would be going out to play. Their friends like to hang out here too. Pippi is a big attraction. The puppy care books all emphasise the importance of ensuring your pup has as much exposure to different people and situations as possible at this age. There's no denying Pippi is growing up well used to children!
At one stage the front of our house was littered with bikes and scooters. It looked like we'd been invaded, and in a way we had!We've been trying to bring some order to our domain. We've had two bedrooms painted and cleared out some of the junk from the garage. Gordon and Duncan took a pile of stuff to be recycled. As Duncan sat in the car waiting to go, he turned on the radio and after pressing a few buttons, failed to find something worth listening too. He asked me to, "put on Justin, number 5, in the shower."
I knew what he meant. A few months back I'd been playing the Justin Timberlake CD many times while driving. Is this a guilty pleasure? I like Justin and his stuff makes me want to dance like an ejit, but when he tries to do sexy I laugh, 'cause he looks to me a bit like a grown up Duncan, all cute curls and big eyes. What do you think?
Anyway, Duncan was requesting track 5, "Cry me a river" which starts with the sound of a shower. He was most happy when I complied.
Perhaps he senses a connection?
4 Jun 2008
Words and meaning
We had a new carpet fitted on the stairs. The old one, sort of sand coloured, was irreparably stained with poster paint, oxtail soup, hot chocolate, yogurt and who knows what else. There was a fair bit of banging and bashing during the fitting process. Duncan renamed his "rocket" cupboard under the stairs the "safe place" and spend most of the time in there, popping out every so often to monitor progress.
He has enjoyed riding his fancy, new bike outside our house. As I was watching him yesterday, he tumbled over while he was turning. He had been just walking and pushing the bike so he didn't hurt himself, but I helped him get the bike straight again, and he said, "It was embarrassing." Then as he pushed off again, he called out, "OK, lets's go again!" Wow, when did he learn about embarrassment!
I noted before that he has been repeating what we say. I only just realised that it's what is referred to in the autism books as echolalia. When I first read about it as one of the common traits of autism, my thoughts were "if only my child would say anything!" Duncan was then what is described as non-verbal. Today I looked at some NAS information on echolalia:
He is also now commonly reversing his pronouns, like asking me to "put your shoes on" when he needs help with his trainers. Again, I'm delighted that he has progressed to being able to communicate so well and am confident that he, like his siblings, will eventually figure out this difficult aspect of grammar.
One thing he does communicate frequently these days, in perfect English, and to my delight, is an emotion I had been told he would never be able to express without x,y or z expensive therapy. Every day, many times, he is unknowingly breaking down stereotypes when he tells me "I love you Mummy." I don't think I'm breaking any stereotypes, but I always answer with a huge grin, "I love you too Duncan."
He has enjoyed riding his fancy, new bike outside our house. As I was watching him yesterday, he tumbled over while he was turning. He had been just walking and pushing the bike so he didn't hurt himself, but I helped him get the bike straight again, and he said, "It was embarrassing." Then as he pushed off again, he called out, "OK, lets's go again!" Wow, when did he learn about embarrassment!
I noted before that he has been repeating what we say. I only just realised that it's what is referred to in the autism books as echolalia. When I first read about it as one of the common traits of autism, my thoughts were "if only my child would say anything!" Duncan was then what is described as non-verbal. Today I looked at some NAS information on echolalia:
Echolalia ("parroting")I don't think this is the case with Duncan. When he repeats what we say, I think he is engaging, and communicating that he is part of the conversation. He is also, I think, trying to improve his vocabulary and pronunciation.
This is when a child repeats what they have heard rather than giving an appropriate response to what has been said to them. For example:Mother: "Hello Tommy"
Tommy: "Hello Tommy"When a child is using echolalia they are copying speech alone and showing no understanding of what has been said to them. Therefore it is most likely that the echolalia is not being used to show communicative intent.
He is also now commonly reversing his pronouns, like asking me to "put your shoes on" when he needs help with his trainers. Again, I'm delighted that he has progressed to being able to communicate so well and am confident that he, like his siblings, will eventually figure out this difficult aspect of grammar.
One thing he does communicate frequently these days, in perfect English, and to my delight, is an emotion I had been told he would never be able to express without x,y or z expensive therapy. Every day, many times, he is unknowingly breaking down stereotypes when he tells me "I love you Mummy." I don't think I'm breaking any stereotypes, but I always answer with a huge grin, "I love you too Duncan."
30 May 2008
Maths for a 6 year old
Thomas recently turned 6 and is clearly ready for more conceptional learning. He has learned so much with very little formalised instruction. I have helped him learn all the letter sounds and he can read simple books with some help. Like Lady, he will most likely be able to read very well when he is 8 or perhaps earlier. He has a good understanding of arithmetic, although until a few weeks ago, he'd never answered a written maths question. He has, however, spent ages counting the coins (and a few notes) in his Tardis money bank, he has played loads of board games, some card games, many hours worth of computer games. He has played with Lego and wooden bricks, Geomag and measuring cups. We have baked and weighed and measured as part of real life. He has been able to double and half quantities in his head, he has been taught how to add 2 small numbers by putting the larger number "in his head" then counting on the next number on his fingers. So when I wrote out a page of addition and subtraction sums, I just had to tell him what the plus and minus symbols represent, and he easily completed the questions correctly. Right away I was able to present him with more difficult sums.
We often have discussions about numbers. He's asked about the biggest number and about how long it would take you to count to it, then was fascinated by the idea of infinity. He asks about astronomical distances so I have to look them up and explain concepts like light years to him. He asked his dad how long it would take to walk around the sun, so we looked up the numbers and showed him how to divide the distance by the speed to get the time taken, (approx. 1 million hours or approx 114 years, assuming you survive).
His dad has talked to them about Graham's number and the Planck length as examples of the largest and smallest numbers used in science. More usefully, we've mentioned how amazing it is that any number can be expressed using just 10 digits, (and why we use 10) but how they can also be written in other ways, like the Roman numeral system. Thomas has also been introduced to negative numbers and fractions.
He asks how old I was when he was born, or what age he'll be when Lady is 18, and although I used to just tell him and explain how I worked it, now I get him to figure it out. He understands money, so it's a great tool in explaining concepts like place value. (He says he wants to be rich when he grows up, perhaps he will!) Looking at a catalogue recently, he remarked on how expensive the hot-tubs are (he and Lady covet these items; dream on, my children!). He said, "it's ten thousand, four hundred and ninety-nine pounds, that's nearly fifteen thousand pounds!"
He asked me on Wednesday how long before we went to his gymnastics class, and I said 1 hour and 15 minutes. He responded, "OK, 75 minutes." He asked what time that would be so I told him, 3.15. He said, "when both hands are at the 3."
Yup, you've got it!
He was helping me put the shopping away yesterday and he saw the box of eggs, and said, "You bought 10 eggs." I asked him to count them, so he did, and acknowledged that there were actually 12 eggs. He started looking at them, grouping them with his hands, and told me that there were 2 groups of 6, then 4 groups of 3. I showed him the other multiples. It took about a minute, and he learned because he was noticing the patterns in the quantities for himself, and I was just there to help explain and confirm what he discovered.
It's good to reflect sometimes, on how they're doing and to see the methods of learning we've adopted, working so well.
We often have discussions about numbers. He's asked about the biggest number and about how long it would take you to count to it, then was fascinated by the idea of infinity. He asks about astronomical distances so I have to look them up and explain concepts like light years to him. He asked his dad how long it would take to walk around the sun, so we looked up the numbers and showed him how to divide the distance by the speed to get the time taken, (approx. 1 million hours or approx 114 years, assuming you survive).
His dad has talked to them about Graham's number and the Planck length as examples of the largest and smallest numbers used in science. More usefully, we've mentioned how amazing it is that any number can be expressed using just 10 digits, (and why we use 10) but how they can also be written in other ways, like the Roman numeral system. Thomas has also been introduced to negative numbers and fractions.
He asks how old I was when he was born, or what age he'll be when Lady is 18, and although I used to just tell him and explain how I worked it, now I get him to figure it out. He understands money, so it's a great tool in explaining concepts like place value. (He says he wants to be rich when he grows up, perhaps he will!) Looking at a catalogue recently, he remarked on how expensive the hot-tubs are (he and Lady covet these items; dream on, my children!). He said, "it's ten thousand, four hundred and ninety-nine pounds, that's nearly fifteen thousand pounds!"
He asked me on Wednesday how long before we went to his gymnastics class, and I said 1 hour and 15 minutes. He responded, "OK, 75 minutes." He asked what time that would be so I told him, 3.15. He said, "when both hands are at the 3."
Yup, you've got it!
He was helping me put the shopping away yesterday and he saw the box of eggs, and said, "You bought 10 eggs." I asked him to count them, so he did, and acknowledged that there were actually 12 eggs. He started looking at them, grouping them with his hands, and told me that there were 2 groups of 6, then 4 groups of 3. I showed him the other multiples. It took about a minute, and he learned because he was noticing the patterns in the quantities for himself, and I was just there to help explain and confirm what he discovered.
It's good to reflect sometimes, on how they're doing and to see the methods of learning we've adopted, working so well.
31 Mar 2008
Some decadent days
We went to my brother's house in Leitrim for Easter. Lady and Thomas played with their cousins, Lady mostly played up with 6 year old C. and Thomas with 4 year old E. They get on really well together. Duncan preferred to ride a trike around outside. He had a notion to buy a toy bow and arrow (or "boanarro" as he wrote on his first trial on Google) and didn't really accept my explanation that toy shops are closed on Easter Sunday. Well, copious quantities on chocolate helped settle everyone, and we adults enjoyed good food, a few drinks and much chat.
Lady and Thomas stayed for 3 extra nights with their cousins, which was, by all accounts, a very successful event. They went swimming in a super duper, waves and slides pool, then they all won medals in some children's races at a 10k race my SIL ran. The village they live in seems to be populated by a strange breed of Irish folk who all run. Well, there are worse vices than could inflict them.
It was odd having just one child. Gordon and I took Duncan into Belfast on the train. We visited the Disney store to buy his much wanted bow and arrow toy, then we ate at Nandos in the newly opened and very posh Victoria Square shopping centre. Duncan was marvellous. He had his shouty moments. He always does, but so what. He was as happy as a boy can be on the train. Watching him, we talked about how fantastic we think he is, and how glad we are to have him. Having autism enter our lives was unexpected, unwelcome at first (before I figured out that autism=Duncan, which is obviously all good) and something that shook us right up, leading us to make choices in nearly every aspect of our lives that we might otherwise not have made.
But mostly, Duncan is just so blinkin' adorable, with his big eyes, his big tooth, his curls and all his games.
Duncan too had a night away from home at my dad's apartment, leaving we adults home alone. We ate out that evening, and then to be even more decadent, went out again for breakfast. In the afternoon we all drove around to pick up the travellers, so had our wee family back together again.
Since then, I can't quite remember what we've done. Lady went to a holiday activity scheme at a leisure centre a few times with her friend from next door. The children's usual classes and activities were off for the school holidays, so even though we're home-educators, the children were in holiday mode and we were (even) more disorganised than usual.
I do remember yesterday though. It was our 12th wedding anniversary. I don't know how that's even possible seeing as I'm still 24... My dad and step-mum took the children for a few hours and Gordon and me went for lunch at the Mourne Seafood Bar in Belfast. Rather romantically, among the songs playing softly in the background, was what we choose for the first dance at our wedding party. (OK, pass the sick bucket!) More importantly, the food was fabulous, and it's somewhere we'll definitely be back to.
My youngest brother and his family had also come up to Dad's place, so we enjoyed seeing them for the first time since his baby's christening. Both Thomas and Duncan were delighted with baby D, sitting beside him stroking his little head, though Duncan was a bit worried about D's touch of cradle cap, saying he had to sort the 'creepy crawlies', referencing what I tell the boys when I'm checking them over for nits!
So it's back to normal today, or at least what passes for normal here.
Lady and Thomas stayed for 3 extra nights with their cousins, which was, by all accounts, a very successful event. They went swimming in a super duper, waves and slides pool, then they all won medals in some children's races at a 10k race my SIL ran. The village they live in seems to be populated by a strange breed of Irish folk who all run. Well, there are worse vices than could inflict them.
It was odd having just one child. Gordon and I took Duncan into Belfast on the train. We visited the Disney store to buy his much wanted bow and arrow toy, then we ate at Nandos in the newly opened and very posh Victoria Square shopping centre. Duncan was marvellous. He had his shouty moments. He always does, but so what. He was as happy as a boy can be on the train. Watching him, we talked about how fantastic we think he is, and how glad we are to have him. Having autism enter our lives was unexpected, unwelcome at first (before I figured out that autism=Duncan, which is obviously all good) and something that shook us right up, leading us to make choices in nearly every aspect of our lives that we might otherwise not have made.
But mostly, Duncan is just so blinkin' adorable, with his big eyes, his big tooth, his curls and all his games.
Duncan too had a night away from home at my dad's apartment, leaving we adults home alone. We ate out that evening, and then to be even more decadent, went out again for breakfast. In the afternoon we all drove around to pick up the travellers, so had our wee family back together again.
Since then, I can't quite remember what we've done. Lady went to a holiday activity scheme at a leisure centre a few times with her friend from next door. The children's usual classes and activities were off for the school holidays, so even though we're home-educators, the children were in holiday mode and we were (even) more disorganised than usual.
I do remember yesterday though. It was our 12th wedding anniversary. I don't know how that's even possible seeing as I'm still 24... My dad and step-mum took the children for a few hours and Gordon and me went for lunch at the Mourne Seafood Bar in Belfast. Rather romantically, among the songs playing softly in the background, was what we choose for the first dance at our wedding party. (OK, pass the sick bucket!) More importantly, the food was fabulous, and it's somewhere we'll definitely be back to.
My youngest brother and his family had also come up to Dad's place, so we enjoyed seeing them for the first time since his baby's christening. Both Thomas and Duncan were delighted with baby D, sitting beside him stroking his little head, though Duncan was a bit worried about D's touch of cradle cap, saying he had to sort the 'creepy crawlies', referencing what I tell the boys when I'm checking them over for nits!
So it's back to normal today, or at least what passes for normal here.
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