New Moon, headbanging and thinking for oneself

Duncan continues to take great pleasure in producing various pictures of Chuckie from the Rugrats. Is it perseveration? Do I care? Each picture is different in at least some small way. I think they're cute and funny and witty.

Thomas doesn't like to draw. He'd rather do maths or count the money in his Tardis money box. (I don't mean it's bigger on the inside, it's just shaped like a Tardis.) We've been doing some P4 stuff on Education City (free trial) and he's acing it all. Lady has used that site too and they both quite like it so I might subscribe. Does anyone have a code they want to share?

He's also decided he wants to try school after we return from our holiday in February (2 weeks in Orlando!) He says that everyone else in the family has been to school at some stage but he never went to nursery or school so he wants to see what it's like. I've been reading the prospectus for various schools and quizzing our friends and neighbours about what they think of the school they/their children go to.

Graham Badman and Ed Balls, do you see what I'm doing here? I'm listening to my child, I'm gathering information to help us both make the best decision about his education. It's not a matter of my rights clashing with his, despite the mistaken way in which you think about parenting and the duty on parents to ensure their child receives an education. If he's happy to go to school and it works out for him, then fine, he goes to school. But if he doesn't like it, he will be deregistered and his education will continue to happen at home and in the community as it has so far with great success.

So what else- we watched the latest Doctor Who, The Waters of Mars which was terrific, and taught that the homeopaths were wrong; water has patience not memory (via @jackofkent). Also, Gordon was in the US for a week but the children were still able to see him thanks to the magic of technology. Here's a screen grab he took from his hotel room in Boston as he spoke to Duncan and I via Google video;

Nice and clear eh!

What wasn't so nice was the cuckoo clock falling off the wall (where I had fixed it-guilt!) somehow and onto Thomas' head. He was sore and bleeding so I called a friend and neighbour who kindly rushed around with her little girl to stay with Duncan and Lady while I took Thomas to get checked out. The bleeding stopped quickly but you don't take chances with bashes to the head. I went to our GP 1st as it's very close and told the receptionist what had happened, her question floored me (not really) -"Does he have an appointment?" Yes really!

She advised me to take him to the Minor Injury clinic in town so I did and he was seen and sorted very quickly. Thankfully there was no evidence of serious harm and he didn't even need a stitch.

The following morning my neighbour minded my children again while I met with a psychologist to discuss Duncan and to seek advice on issues I wish could help him deal better with, like his impulses and angst driven shouting. I don't know how useful it will be. She used the word "behaviours" which I dislike intensely. I've been given an assessment form to fill in; ABAS II for those familiar with such things. It's interesting, but leaves no space to detail many of the skills and abilities he does possess, but I suppose they are deemed "non-functional" or something.

Lady continues to work hard at gymnastics. She trains for over 15 hours a week and loves it. I watched her at cheer-leading on Saturday and was so proud of her strength and poise. Her acro partner and sister are visiting today, no doubt they'll be showing off to me on the trampoline.
I took Lady and her close friend (who lives next door) to see New Moon, that Twilight film yesterday. Oh my, what hokum. The girls enjoyed it even as they were laughing at how silly so much of it is. That Bella Swan girl is so pathetic, glum and wan. She never does anything but mope and have nightmares. Has she no hobbies? Her face would break if she cracked a smile. The girls can easily see she's taken all that first and fiery love thing too far- jumping off cliffs and riding motor bikes with no helmet just to produce ghostly ticking-offs from Mr Chalky.
They both thought Jacob the were-boy was the better bet, if forced to choose and I think they're right. Both have acknowledged the inherent ridiculousness of getting involved with anyone who could either claw or bite you to death at any moment and do not think it's romantic, just that it makes (for them) for an engaging fantasy.

I say this as some of the chatter on the Twilight series warns of the danger to girls of thinking that bad boys are best; but I have much more respect for girls' ability to see it for what it is, a rollicking bit of escapist nonsense.

I laughed a lot, and was elbowed fiercely by Lady. It's not supposed to be funny when Edward with his LOW slung trousers starts to unbutton his shirt in the sunshine, but it really was. He has such big hair too, I wonder what product he uses, something specially developed for the dead?

Michael Sheen was great fun as an evil vampire overlord. It was extra delicious since I think of Tony Blair whenever he's on as he's played our previous beloved leader twice in film and will do so again soon I've read. So I was watching and thinking that the evil leader of the vampire council is Tony Blair. Good job he didn't get the European presidency he sought, dread to think what he's have done with the increase in power.

With all this nonsense I end. But having read Mike and Sarah's posts on the latest pile of bile from Minnette Mirrin, I'm rilled up enough and will be back with some whinge blogging imminently.

Lady's birthday

Lady with her Grandma and Pippi.

My girl is growing up!

A week has passed since Lady turned 11. I still don't understand how I can have so old a daughter! We celebrated with a party, friends, a clown boucy castle, copious quantities of junk food, party poppers and two home made cakes. Best of all, her BFF (best friend forever for those who don't speak Girl) and her sister came over from London for a few days with their mum. It's been 2 years since they last visited so we were very happy to have them over again. The girls had a few hours to reconnect, then the rest of the party people arrived. It turned out to be a grand day, fine weather, great company, lovely gifts (thanks all!) and a bunch of happy sweet children running about keeping themselves busy.

Some of us went for a walk to the beach that evening. The girls played on the beach taking a heck of a long time to leave when I was ready to go home. Eventually they appeared, muck to the eyeballs, having climbed about the rock pools and grass and fallen into what Lady dramatically called "a trench."

The following day, I drove Lady, her friends and their mum to Delamont Park, a favourite of ours. The children went on the miniature railway then did their thing in the adventure playground while we mums drank a warm, brown drink we'd been told was coffee. Then we walked about a bit, enjoyed the scenery, took photos by the lake then watched as the clouds lowered to eclipse the view and we went back to the car, damp and hungry.

Then off to Downpatrick where we had lunch in the St Patrick's Visitor centre. The girls ran about the garden for a while then browsed the shop but we didn't bother with the exhibits.

I'd never taken the ferry from Strangford to Portaferry so took a detour that way. Then, not altogether on purpose, I drove up the east side of the Ards Peninsula, where the nice views were sadly spoiled by a glut of flags in many of the villages. These places could be so much more welcoming to visitors like my friends, places we'd want to stop off in, if more of the residents could see themselves as outsiders might.

Our visitors had to go home the next morning. It had been just lovely to have them over. There have been secrets and gossip shared, promises made and some close and special friendships renewed.

Saturday

Gordon and I were watching one of the many Michael Jackson tribute TV shows with Duncan snuggled up next to me on the sofa. He particularly enjoyed Say, Say Say and had a little "wave your arms around" dance to himself. Then we played a few of our favourite tracks from the Off the Wall CD and danced about the living room. Lady and her friend came in and requested Thriller then demonstrated their entertaining interpretation of the zombie dance. Thomas was a tad embarrassed by it all.

I went into Belfast hoping to meet a blog buddie who was up attending an ABA conference. I had the wrong time in my head and arrived half way through her lunch hour. Eventually we found each other and had a few minutes of hasty but delightful conversation before she had to go back to one of the many talks. I sneaked in to listen to just one of them, to see if any of my criticisms of ABA and it's promotion were addressed, but I felt terribly guilty about crashing the conference so I went off to poke about in the shops for a while.

Later Gordon and I went out for my birthday dinner. I had been especially grouchy; we were late to leave and I was starving. I am not at my best when I am hungry.
But after sitting down and downing a drop of red wine, I suddenly cheered the heck up and we had a most delicious meal. We declined dessert, but were provided with one anyway; three of the waiters brought out a toffee cheesecake embellished with a birthday candle while singing Happy Birthday. I can thank my waiter chum for that kind surprise, and for the massive reddener [blush] it generated.

We met Phil afterwards, a smart and talented man who's a fantastic photographer and as into literature as Gordon is. Over a few drinks we yapped about all sorts and tried to get my husband interested in twitter and blogging. It had been a lovely night.

New Year Ruminations

As the old year ended I thought about how things are and what I need to change to be happier. It turns out that some major adjustments are required so I had to work out how to achieve them. I've been stressed and worried about things but I think there's been a resolution and though I'm fearful, I'm now also hopeful about the months ahead.

The Christmas holiday wasn't as happy as it could have been, but there were some brilliant times. The children were delighted with their gifts on Christmas morning. Duncan liked the Roller Coaster Tycoon CD Rom more than anything, even the cuckoo clock. Yep, I got one, and the blasted bird doesn't go out and in properly on the hour. I would have returned it to the online shop, but I see he's already customised it by painting the bird.

Thomas has been in Doctor Who heaven with his haul of DVDs, including a set from some of the old series. Lady likes her fancy new leotard and spent much time upside down against a wall or doing the splits on the floor.

I enjoyed a night out in the pub with a gang of cousins and my brother and his family stayed with us for a couple of nights; they finally saw our beach. I was also very happy to spend some time with one of my oldest and dearest friends who lives in New York. She's just as wonderful as ever.

Duncan has been hard work. He's very shouty and grouchy. I've not been able to figure out how to deal with it yet but it's hard. He's been emulating this awful YouTube video of an angry German kid, and keeps bashing his computer and disc boxes. It may be, actually it probably is, that he's picking up on my own less than optimal mood. He's my personal barometer. We were in Ikea yesterday and he roared and shouted, utterly obsessed with getting an ice-cream from the cafe behind the tills. I was very close to just heading off to the car with him many times.

It's likely that that as well as autism, as his paediatrician pointed out, he also has ADHD and this is what causes many of the difficulties. He has next to no impulse control: he's all about the Id. He can be very focused on tasks of his choosing but it's just about impossible to get him interested in other activities. He's certainly hyperactive, and when we're out places he always dashes off to whatever it is he's interested in. He's highly oppositional. If someone in the family hums or whistles or sings, even on another floor, he shouts at them to be quiet. He hates it when people express pleasure when eating, a yum or appreciative 'mmm' is countered with his angry, 'yuck!' If someone is counting down, he'll often start counting up and saying 'go' is likely to make him shout 'stop!'

I have to think again about how I can help him more. He's smart and cute, funny and loving. He's my darling boy and I'm proud of him. It's important that I see what can be changed in him or in his environment and what must be tolerated.

Christmas Preparations

Happy Christmas to anyone who reads this blog. I love writing it and knowing I've got a record of some of the family's exploits, as well as my rants about this and that. I've been at it for almost 3 years now and wonder when I'll have had enough.

Lady has got some of the neighbourhood kids in for a Christmas party right now. She's made popcorn and rice crispy buns, and is playing a selection of top tunes on YouTube as they dance about. Simple pleasures eh?

Gordon is off for a run with Pippi. He's been preparing for tomorrow's dinner while I wrap the children's gifts and sort out rooms, trying to prepare a bit of space for the new clutter due to join us tomorrow morning. He'll be cooking turkey with pork belly. The pork skin's got a nipple. I feel slightly freaked out by this evidence of it's mammalian beginnings.

Duncan has been playing Zoombinis and re-reading the little book we made together called "Christmas Days" depicting the expected events of tomorrow. Thankfully I managed to source a cuckoo clock, and it's rather fine, even if it's not quite authentic and requires batteries. At least it's got a white bird and the pendulum (so I've been assured) does move so it should tick all Duncan's boxes. I might cheat and make a little label saying it was made in the Black Forest. Ah, stooping to forgery to please my son!

I'll bring all the gifts down tonight last thing. We don't leave presents under the tree here, one little boy would find it too difficult to resist ripping them open to seek the clock and other items he so desires.

One more thing, I have to get in a bit of a boast about Lady and Thomas and how well they did at their gymnastics competition. Thomas won all the gold medals for his age group surprising me with how hard he concentrated and how much effort he put in. Lady didn't win any medals, the standard was so much higher for the 10 year old competitors, but Gordon and I both got to see her performance and she did really well. She's strong and has great poise and grace. She desperately wants to go to more lessons and improve, so she can do that after Christmas. It was a pleasure to watch them both. I never realised that either of them are really any good! I usually drop them off outside the hall as I always have Duncan with me in the car and I don't like to take him in there. Lady was sad at first, especially since Thomas had done so well, but she's OK now and feels a bit more hopeful about the next competition.

Thomas was just a picture of pride and joy as he stood in the middle of the podium 3 times. On the last time, he tuned to us, his face beaming and gave us 2 thumbs up. It was a nice thing to see.

Lap it up

Duncan has decided that he likes to drink milk, lots of milk. However it has to prepared as in the Disney film The Aristocats. He pours the milk into a bowl, adds a sprinkle of cinnamon, a dash of vanilla extract, a smidgen of sugar and a dollop of double cream, then he blasts it in the microwave. On a few occasions he placed the bowl on the floor and lapped it with his tongue, but realising it's an inefficient way for a human to consume their vittles, he went back to the more traditional method. Once, perhaps inspired by the relish with which the cartoon cats dinned on the concoction, he made a large portion up for our dog Pippi. She tried it, but didn't like it and I poured it away explaining that dogs don't like milk, just people and cats. "And cows," said he.

Lady's friend from next door has been to stay with us for a few nights. The girls enjoyed spending lots of time together, with late night chats and lots of time spend enjoying such pre-teen delights as the Jonas Brothers and HSM (if you don't know the acronymn, you'll not care) on YouTube.

Best of all, Lady went with her friend to a school disco on Friday evening. The pair got all dolled up, Lady wearing a bit too much silvery eye shadow, so it fell under her eyes, panda fashion. A quick wipe sorted her out and off they went to face the music. I was told afterwards, that 3 boys had asked my 10 year old child to dance. Oh my. Is this the beginning of a new phase? Will I know how to strike a balance between allowing her freedom to have fun, make new friends and enjoy her journey towards adulthood with protecting and sheltering her and teaching her to make safe choices. Ah well, she's still very young. I'll just take it as it comes.

Thomas was a bit put out that he wasn't able to go dancing too. He rocks the joint when he's dancing in his room, not that he knows I've seen him. He asked "why do the girls get to go to the ball, and I don't?" So endearing! My sister pointed out the Harry Potter connection; school balls instead of discos. To make it up to him, I took him to the soft play area this afternoon and he ran himself ragged while I supped tea and read, so different from when Duncan's there too. Duncan whiled the afternoon away by lounging in the bath (the boy has at least one a day) and checking out cuckoo clocks on ebay. He's got his eye on one that costs over £200. I bid on a couple but didn't go quite high enough so I still have to get one from somewhere before Christmas. And he's very particular about what it must look like and how it must perform. Bum. At least I won a Lego Spiderman so perhaps that'll distract from any potential clock deficit.

Tyrone GAA win

Photo by Margaret McLaughlin and pilfered from the Irish News showing the Tinnies statues in their Tyrone gear.

I'm a Tyrone woman, so I'm going to take the opportunity to gloat about our county's masterful defeat of Kerry in Sunday's All-Ireland Football final.

Pubs and houses in my home town were packed with cheering fans, the atmosphere was marvellous and everyone was having a great time celebrating the victory. Across the land, people north and south from 31 counties were cheering on the Red Hands, well, maybe not the Dubs.

Even my sister in London enjoyed the match from a pub jammed with other Irish folk, sports fans and people just soaking the atmosphere.

While all this was taking place, I was with Gordon at a nice and sedate wedding in Cambridge, England where talk of Gaelic games was not on the agenda. Gordon's best friend from his school days was the groom and Gordon was honoured to be his Best Man. It was a beautiful wedding, and I had a lovely day. My sister was kind enough to text me updates on the match and I was unable to withhold a small cry of joy when the final result came in while we were having dinner.
At least it wasn't during the ceremony.

Our friend is a super smart mathematician, runner and musician, and it turns out, a great speech giver. He assured me that his talents didn't stretch to dancing; he wasn't wrong.

While I was enjoying a sedate and short recital of chamber music, my siblings no doubt were engaged in a baser and bawdier type of entertainment. There was a great band at the wedding too so I did enjoy a chance to dance a bit myself.

I'm glad I was able to go to the wedding, it was far more important to be there than bounding about with a gang clad in red and white, but I wish they'd taken place on separate days.

Creative Camp Belfast

Yesterday, I had the chance to go off for a few hours to Creative Camp in Belfast, an event billed as bringing together "technology and creative enthusiasts who want to make things happen with web, mobile, open source, new media, music and design."

I was unsure whether to attend, not knowing if my web endeavours really fit that description. But I decided that with this blog, I aim to make things happen, specifically by challenging assumptions, in a very small way for a few people. But mainly, I felt it would be good to get out and hopefully meet a few folk whose online identities I could fit to a real world face.

I enjoyed the talks I heard, and the atmosphere of untapped possibilities. One man discussed soluble dresses. Strange topic that! He was an artist involved in a project hoping to highlight the problems of our throw away culture. It's very worthy, but he showed a film of dissolving dresses making pretty colours in (now toxin laden) water tanks and it dragged on for rather too long. He made me laugh when he said that working on the project had alerted him to the dangers of plastics, and we shouldn't give babies milk in plastic bottles as it can harm them some way, by "damaging their DNA or something." I shouldn't scoff, but hey ho.

For another talk, a man described with near evangelical glee, a system of project organisation called Getting Things Done. And yes, it does require capitalisation. I could do with following some of his tips.

I came in half way through a talk on creativity in the work place. As some people mentioned the importance of team work, socialising as a way of getting to know your colleagues and getting the proper balance of control and flexibility, I thought about those workers who have lots to offer employers but who prefer not to socialise down the pub or who can work with a team but like to do their part in a project alone and communicate via email. Basically, I thought about autistic and disabled workers and how they can be accommodated. I never spoke up though, I'd come in late and was a bit too shy. Perhaps at another one of these I'll think it through properly, get some advise and give a talk.

The event was well organised, and it was great to meet people from the local region involved in all sorts of clever and creative activities. I enjoyed chatting with Grannymar and Alan, both of whose blogs I read regularly. I met Phil, another regular read and Damien, blogging maestro and the guy who runs the Irish Blog Awards and the new Irish Web Awards.

The whole thing, including a decent lunch, was free. When I explained to one of the organisers, a woman called Mairin, that I was "just" a blogger, she demonstrated the spirit of Creative Camp by deciding to have a panel discussion about blogging with Grannymar and myself, whom I suspect were the only people there not to be in paid employment. It was cool. I mentioned why I started to blog and what I get out of it, and enjoyed hearing others discuss their own views. One guy was a bit waffly and too keen to share, but there's always one of those.

I left after that as Gordon's mum was minding the children for part of the day. I missed the first train home so dandered around a book shop for a while, picking up a book I've been meaning to buy for a while now. Borderlands is a detective novel set in my home town and surrounding areas. I started to read in the shop and almost missed the train again.

Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that I have a life beyond these walls.

A bully strikes

Duncan is growing up. He has changed again since his eighth birthday. I still have to be very careful in many circumstances, and he still can, um, surprise me by, for example, finding a pot of poster paint and decorating his trains, getting more than a little splashed around the bathroom in the process. But, I tell myself, it is so much better than when he would never have considered, as he now does, trying to avoid messing up the carpet. And there was a time when it was a substance more unpleasant than poster paint that I sometimes had to clean from various surfaces and objects.

But he is desperate to be allowed to ride his bike like the other children, up and down our street. I used to walk alongside him as he rode, fearing an impulsive foray into someone's house or worse, onto the road, but that was when he was on a smaller, slower wagon. More recently I have been able to stand outside our gate and watch him as he goes, shouting for him to turn and come back when he goes far enough. I wonder what the neighbours think sometimes. This used to be a quiet street until my children started to ride around and seemingly unearthed a host of other kids to bomb up and down the street with, pretending to be a police-dog-rescue-squad, or whatever. And then there's me guldering (as we'd have said out west where I grew up) orders at my son.

One day a few weeks back, I was talking with a neighbour as Duncan rode, and he went out of sight for a minute. Our road sweeps around in a crescent, making it fairly safe as only people with dealings in these houses have cause to drive here. I went to fetch him but couldn't see him or his bike. I called out and shortly a teenager came out from one of the houses asking if I was looking for a little boy, and one matching the description I gave turned out to have popped into their house to use the toilet. Oops! I apologised and for once gave the autism explanation, which she understood since she said, her best friend has autistic brother.

Yesterday some of our neighbours came round for a very informal dinner. The children were in and out and all about. Duncan got out with Lady and came riding up the street proudly bearing a creme egg. Where on earth had he got that? Thankfully he was able to explain it was from one of their friends' houses. The dad told me later, when I was once again apologising, that Duncan had quietly come in, opened the fridge, helped himself, politely said "thank you" then left. He did this twice too. Ah well, at the time I was feeding their kids some hot-dogs!

Earlier this week Thomas convinced me to take them to an indoor soft-play place as these same friends were going. It's a nice place, with a decent cafe and comfy chairs to entice the parents. I lost sight of Duncan almost straight away and climbed to an upper level to look for him. I spotted him streaking out of the cafe place, with a pink doughnut in his hand. I ran down and caught up with him. "Sorry Mummy! Mummy go pay for it," he said, showing me he knew that what he'd done was wrong. I paid for the already eaten pastry, and I don't think the busy staff had even noticed the little Artful Dodger's pilfering.

Anyway, my three children enjoyed their play, especially so as they had a few other friends there too. Just when I'd decided to give them ten more minutes, they all came to me supporting a distraught Duncan, bearing a red, sore looking eye and a face full of tears and snot. A boy had punched him right in the eye! Thankfully Duncan was with his siblings at the time so I was assured that he was blameless, and also that the transgressor had been noted and sternly spoken to. I cleaned him up and followed Lady to meet the thug, who was no more than five years old. I told him that he must not punch people, that it hurts and is very rude. The boy said that Duncan was being rude to him, which Lady denied, and I reiterated that it doesn't matter, he could go to an adult if he thought someone was doing wrong, but he must not hit them and hurt them.

I told one of the staff about it all then we went home. Poor Duncan's eye was red for a while. It's shocking to think that such a small boy would decide to just punch another child like that. I wondered Duncan ignored him, or appeared odd in the way he wandered around talking to himself, making this boy feel it was OK to punch the weirdo. Gordon was worried when I told him, saying that such ill treatment is just beginning for Duncan. I refuse to accept that. I will work on Duncan as best I can to help him learn strategies to stand up for himself and stay safe, but I will also do what I can to change the prevailing attitude that difference should be feared and punished.

When I was talking to Duncan about it all later, he reminisced about the doughnuts and the "turntable" (roundabout thing) and then about the "naughty boy punch Duncan." He wasn't too upset, because we all helped him know that the other child did wrong, that hitting and hurting is bad, and we don't want anyone to hurt our boy.

Summer Justification

Yesterday was the first day of the summer holidays for all the children who go to school. I was none too surprised then when the door bell started to ring shortly after 10 to see when my children would be going out to play. Their friends like to hang out here too. Pippi is a big attraction. The puppy care books all emphasise the importance of ensuring your pup has as much exposure to different people and situations as possible at this age. There's no denying Pippi is growing up well used to children!

At one stage the front of our house was littered with bikes and scooters. It looked like we'd been invaded, and in a way we had!





We've been trying to bring some order to our domain. We've had two bedrooms painted and cleared out some of the junk from the garage. Gordon and Duncan took a pile of stuff to be recycled. As Duncan sat in the car waiting to go, he turned on the radio and after pressing a few buttons, failed to find something worth listening too. He asked me to, "put on Justin, number 5, in the shower."

I knew what he meant. A few months back I'd been playing the Justin Timberlake CD many times while driving. Is this a guilty pleasure? I like Justin and his stuff makes me want to dance like an ejit, but when he tries to do sexy I laugh, 'cause he looks to me a bit like a grown up Duncan, all cute curls and big eyes. What do you think?













Anyway, Duncan was requesting track 5, "Cry me a river" which starts with the sound of a shower. He was most happy when I complied.

Perhaps he senses a connection?

Duncan's birthday

Duncan just turned 8. He chose to go to the toy shop to pick his present (another train!). He prefers to get exactly what he wants rather than a possibly unwanted surprise. We each bought an ice-cream and then he was happy to sit looking at the Mad Mouse roller coaster which has been erected in town with the rest of the summer fun fair, but not yet opened. The fellas building it must be getting used to my lot hanging around. Duncan noticed the construction on the very first day as we drove past and we had to go and watch them work for while, even though it was raining!

Last year Duncan objected to people saying he was 7. He prefers to think of himself as number 6, because he is the Percy train in his family engine allocation. Yes, I got in wrong on my blog! This year I explained how Lady is number 2 like James (her engine) but she is 9 years old, Thomas is number 1 like Thomas (yeah, I got one right) but he is 6 years old. So Duncan can be number 6 like Percy the engine, but he is 8 years old. He thought that was acceptable.


Back at home, we asked all the children who happened to be around the street, most of whom have somehow materialised in the past few sunny weeks to join Lady and Thomas as they scoot about on their bicycles, to come join us for some of Duncan's chocolate birthday cake. He blew out the '8' birthday candle, and everyone just said happy birthday! Earlier I'd asked him if he wanted us to sing the birthday song or just say the words and he'd made his choice, which I passed on to the children.
He enjoyed his fairly low key celebration and giggled every time I made a fuss of him for being the birthday boy.

I just want to record his latest achievement, he and his dad cycled to town to see the roller coaster at the weekend, a distance of about 5 km each way. Since then he has gone on a few evening bike rides with us down to the beach and back. He's made massive progress in his bike handling in such a short time.

3 go to London

It was only to be expected, but we had a fantastic time visiting C. in London.

When we arrived, we took the tube out of Liverpool Street, and sort of on a whim, got out at Holborn. We still had our bags with us so we headed off to the British Museum to use the cloakroom there. Having discarded the bags we were able to dander around the museum for a while. I used to live in university residences not far from there (it's where Gordon and I first met) so had been in the museum before, but not since the refurbishment. It looks wonderful. Lady was particularly keen to see the Chinese items so we looked around that section first, marvelling at what these people were achieving while the people where I'm from were busy bashing each other with clubs...or something. Thomas wasn't very interested, though he did call my attention to some of the stuff. We looked at the Egyptian area next. Lady explained to C. the process of mummification. There were plenty of examples, including mummified cats and crocodiles.

We didn't want to overdo the whole culture thing, and we all needed to eat to we went to the Pizza Express across the road. It's somewhere we used to go as students to treat ourselves. My friend D. and me were there once when a couple sitting next to us walked out leaving their deserts almost untouched. D. noticed my look of horror at such waste (we would have been sharing one pizza and drinking tap water) and assured me that one day, I too would be able to afford to order desert and leave it, but I'm still too tight to waste food just to make a statement!

The next day we went to the London Aquarium. I'd bought our tickets online in advance thus saving about 25% on the cost of entry. This also meant we were able to bypass the enormous queue and go straight inside, whew! This is a great place. Thomas however was less than impressed. Thomas is happier when jumping, running, climbing or when watching TV or playing computer games. Looking at lots of pretty fish didn't do much for him. He told me he was bored after only 20 minutes or so, "they're just fish, just animals, what's so interesting about that?" Delightful eh? Did I complain to him about being ungrateful, did I mention how much I would have given to be flown off to London as a child, and taken to restaurants and activities? Well obviously! Anyway, Lady loved it. One of her occasional ideas for her future career, is a marine biologist.

When we left we walked across Waterloo Bridge, keeping an eye out for a bus to take us up towards Leicester Square. For some reason we didn't pass a bus stop for ages, and it was so very cold and windy. When we did get a bus, it was a single decker, causing Thomas to huff again for a while. But not to mind because we were soon at China town and in the Harbour City for dim sum. C. doesn't eat fish so I didn't order my favourites. Thomas only ate the spare ribs, but Lady had everything. It was very good.

As promised, we then went to Hamleys. This was one of the highlights for the children. In the computer games section, there are a few Wii games set up for customers to try. There were around 20 people gathered around this sofa in front of a huge TV and console, where a couple of teenage boys were playing Mario Kart. When they finished another boy took up one of the controls, and Thomas decided to take the other. (No-one else was volunteering.) He sat and played the game, totally unfazed by the watching crowd. At the end I congratulated him for playing what was to him a new game, and doing quite well at it. He replied, "I didn't do that well, I didn't win!"

Lady choose a toy dog that can jump and bark. She has called it Master Harry, the jujitsu-shihtzu. Thomas picked a Simpson's torch and lucky bag. I had bought a gift for Duncan before I left home, to be sure of getting exactly what he wanted.

We took a trip on a double-decker bus to kill some time, and because it was what Thomas really wanted. Later we went to Planet Hollywood for dinner, since I had some Tesco vouchers. I'm glad I didn't have to pay, it was awful.

On Saturday, I had arranged to take the children out to stay for a night with Lady's best friends in the whole world. They both loved their time there. They went to a really cool playground and the maze in Hampton Court palace. For them both, it was the best part of the trip. I enjoyed catching up with my friends too, and in the evening, my sister and I met another of my oldest and best-est friends. We went to a lovely Thai place across from Centre Court in Wimbledon (I can't remember its name). Then since my sister was so incredulous that in all my time living in London, I had never been inside an O'Neill's pub (it's a chain of Irish themed pubs) we went to one for a while. It was a dive, but at least we had somewhere to sit, and to be honest, we were only interested in our conversation.

I lay in the next day, enjoying being child free for a while. My sister and I had lunch then went to a crepe place for desert. The crepes were OK, but Thomas can make pancakes just as good. I wondered if I should buy one of those crepe burners, and put the children out to work in the summer! They'd make a fortune!

We collected Lady and Thomas again then for once, had a quiet night at home. The next day we were leaving, so we packed up and headed to Waterloo station, and walked along the embankment to the Tate Modern, stopping for lunch at Wagamama on the way. We choose the smaller, lunch meals but these aren't as good as the food from the standard menu.

We hung out at the Tate Modern (leaving our bags in the cloakroom again for a while) and watched Thomas sprint and roll all over the polished floor in the Turbine Hall. Well, the main floor was closed; they're repairing that artful crack and installing a new item, but he was able to run over a smaller, raised floor. We didn't look at any of the art, but we enjoyed the big, open, ugly splendour of the building.

We crossed the Millennium Bridge (after passing the Globe Theatre, famous in our family for its inclusion in a Doctor Who episode) and caught a bus to Liverpool Street station. Our train was delayed for half an hour and I worried we'd miss the flight, but although we had to run to the security check, we were just on time to get to our gate and line up to board right away.

Once back, Gordon and Duncan came to meet us. It was so good to see them. Duncan was grinning and hugging us all. He was happy with his promised gift; the remote control Brum. They had both got along just great. Duncan was happy to be with his dad, and knew we were only away for a short time.

All in, it turned out to be a great trip for everyone. Now I have to finalise my plans for Disneyland Paris. We go in just 5 days!

Anxious days

We headed off to W5 (cool science play and exploration place) yesterday with a few other HE families. The children enjoyed their day out. Thomas was so excited when he woke, wanting to leave immediately to see his best friend J. whom we haven't seen for a while. While there, I stayed by Duncan as he explored where and when he wanted, while Thomas and Lady hung out with their friends and the other families. Occasionally our paths crossed. Duncan enjoyed filming himself in front projected images of a hurricane or volcano. Mostly, he pretended to be flung around by the 'wind' but he kept breaking into song; Kooks by David Bowie, as heard on his picture video. He doesn't get the pronunciation quite right, but what he's singing is instantly recognisable. He particularly likes the lines,

'And if you ever have to go to school,
Remember how they messed up this old fool.
Don't pick fights with the bullies or the cads,
cause I'm not much cop at punching
Other peoples dads.'

He hears the word 'cads' as 'cats' and it always makes him giggle.

We had lunch in the pizza restaurant and Duncan ate ice-cream. He got really loud and angry when my friend's 2 year old son was upset, he frightened the little boy, which made Duncan more worried and aggressive behaving, shaking me and shouting. He calmed down quite soon and I had to reassure him multiple times that A. (the 2 year old) was OK.

He has for a while now become very distressed when he hears anyone crying. It can be tricky when we're out somewhere and he's near a crying baby or child. He has also become more anxious and worried about things in general. If he hurts himself he asks over and over, 'Duncan will be fine, Duncan not die?' He asks the same if he hears Lady or Thomas hurt themselves. A few days ago we were playing and he scratched me by accident, causing the skin to break. I told him he had hurt me and he said sorry and went to kiss me better. But them he noticed the mark and became really distressed, running off and getting tissues and a cloth and rubbing the mark and crying. He didn't want to see the (tiny amount of) blood and it took repeated statements that I was fine, I would not die, the new skin will grow, to help him settle. Since then, he's regularly checked the progress of healing on the little mark.

He's also stared to worry about the house burning down, especially if he's spilled something, and asks for reassurance about that regularly.

I have noticed that he seems to feel compelled to tap twice with the side of his fists, whenever he makes a mistake in setting up his toys or if he drops something. That doesn't bother him though so it doesn't bother me either. I am concerned about his anxiety though. I'm looking forward to more daylight and nicer weather and getting outdoors more. I think we have all been inside too much over the dark winter months and fresh air and exercise will do everyone good, but especially Duncan.

The dangers of stigmatising mental illness

It's been quite a week.

7 days ago, I learned that a very close friend lost a family member in the most shocking and terrible way. I visited their home, and sympathised with them in their grief and pain. The loss is severe, the victim was a wonderful, kind, vibrant and beautiful person who appeared to have been doing really well recently. It has given us all cause to question the current provision of psychiatric services in this province.

The following morning, Gordon and I flew out to Malaga in southern Spain for a 3 day holiday, booked months ago for his birthday. We really needed that time together. Both of us were low and worn out by the past few months, and our time away was wonderful and rejuvenating. I was upset to hear when we returned, that Duncan, who with the other children had been cared for by their wonderful grandparents, had been a bit unwell and miserable.

Yesterday I spent a while with Duncan curled up on my lap, making up for lost cuddle time, just browsing my favourite blogs and web sites and catching up on the latest news. It made for dispiriting reading.

I read on Abfh blog, of the NYU 'Ransom notes' campaign. It appears to be an 'awareness' raising exercise by the Child Study Centre of the university, to highlight the impact of mental illness on children. That might be worth doing, but this is not the campaign to do it. This is disgusting, degrading, inaccurate and dehumanising. The autism 'ransom note' that they intend to splash all over New York and put in magazines and newspapers, says,

'We have your son. We will make sure he will no longer be able to care for himself or interact socially as long as he lives.'

How can anyone think that such a statement on a billboard will benefit a single autistic person or their family? How would I like to explain that message to any of my children? I pity the autistic people who will face such a sentiment in huge letters as they go about their city. What fear and ignorance it inspires. They have similarly awful notes on other conditions too; bulimia, OCD. depression, Aspergers and ADHD.

There is a petition that I would encourage anyone who reads this to sign. It consists of a well composed and thoughtful letter endorsed by several disability organisations, and addressing the justifiable objections to this campaign.

Via Autism Vox, I read the New York Times article about the controversy. The center’s founder and director, Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, is quoted as saying, 'Children’s mental disorders are truly the last great public health problem that has been left unaddressed.

He went on to say (in the NYT article),

'While we knew the campaign was edgy and we knew it would be harsh and upsetting, the facts of mental illness are even more upsetting.

'I am disappointed. I thought the people we’d be arguing with are the people who believe psychiatric illness doesn’t exist or those who believe children are being overmedicated.'

'I thought we’d be fighting ignorance. I didn’t think we’d be fighting adult patients or the parents of patients whose feelings have been hurt.'

While there clearly needs to be more understanding of childhood mental health issues, this campaign only serves to increase fear, stigmatisation, ignorance and misunderstanding. This is not about something as nebulous and unimportant as 'hurt feelings' and I don't know why he considers those of us opposing the form of the campaign, as 'fighting' them. We just want to come to a resolution.

Loving will prevail

Loving is writing about your child with joy, compassion and pride, delighting in her development and achievements. It is investigating the claims made about all sorts of causes of autism and supposed therapies then using reason and logic to sort out fact from fiction. It is loving to write about abuses and the murder of autistics and to counter the claims made by some that these crimes are understandable, or even excusable. You are motivated by love when you do so much to promote a better understanding of autism as a human variation to be accepted.

Hating is acting in a way you know will hurt a family via their seven year old autistic daughter.

Left Brain/Right Brain was probably the biggest (and in my opinion, the best) autism blog on the net and it's author, Kevin Leitch, has become a friend too. I've been reading his blog for years and it has helped me immeasurably. Kevin and his wife have had to make the difficult decision to close the blog because of their valid fears for their daughter, who has been used as a target of abuse and shocking written attack by a hating individual. I am very upset at what has happened. I support their decision and wish them and their beautiful children the very best.

The Autism Hub may have to take another form, but the blogging will continue. Many of us, especially the parents of autistic children who have started blogging, have been directly influenced and motivated to do this by Left Brain/Right Brain. So even if that blog has sadly ended, and how I will miss it, the writing will continue.

Who, what, where, when, why and WOW!

We all headed off to one of our favourite places yesterday, W5, named for the 1st 5 'W' words in the post title. As Thomas announced, 'all the things here were invented by scientists.' We met with a few other HE families and had a fantastic day out. There's so much to investigate and the children all love it.

They have an area where you can record a weather report in front of a blue screen. You choose your background; either a TV studio or on-location footage of a hurricane or a volcano. There's a TV camera at the front and an auto-cue of the script. Lady enjoyed hamming it up, reading the script and pretending to be blown all over the place during a hurricane. Duncan joined her, watching himself on the monitor and jumping around the place for the camera. They then watched the recording on the big screen.

Duncan enjoyed a few repeat performances then went on to something else. But later in the afternoon, while the other children were watching one of the demonstrations, Duncan took me back the the camera, and spent 45 minutes filming himself and watching the footage. He pulled a stool over to stand on, then he'd wait until after the count down to announce recording, then he'd say, 'Look at this!' then '3, 2, 1, WOW!' as he jumped off the stool into the air. He also did a fair bit of dancing, chattered about stuff I couldn't make out, apart from 'Tots TV' and sang a bit of the 'Duncan song'. At one stage, he stood on the stool and pulled his trousers down a wee bit at the front, getting ready to wave his little bits about (to avoid using language that attracts creepy Google hits). This area of his anatomy has always held great fascination, but he's lately begun to talk about it so much more! Needless to say, I didn't want that on camera! I told him, in a matter of fact way, to keep his trousers up. Though the child is so skinny, that even with a belt on, his trousers are often lying a bit low!

Duncan and I also spent ages on the huge model of a cargo ship and crane. The crane was fitted with an electro-magnet and could be moved in 3 dimensions, to lift metal 'crates' onto the ship. He quickly figured out how to control it.

Another favourite were the story cubes. These have a selection of pictures of a cartoon man or woman doing things like laughing, looking grumpy, talking on the phone, opening a door or blowing kisses. There are a few cubes showing various objects too. Duncan arranged the cubes, choosing which face to display and in which order, in a slot. Then he pressed the start button and the cubes were 'read' to produce a little animation on the screen. He made loads of little films. He particularly liked making the characters talk on the phone and then slip on a banana skin, before looking grumpy, then he'd have the man give the woman a present. That too took a lot of concentration.

While I was minding Duncan, Thomas and Lady hung out with my friend D. and her boys. They watched the displays and Lady helped out with 2 demonstrations. She told me she 'was Jupiter', and later, she had to wear safety goggles ('like Gabriella in High School Musical') for an experiment involving vinegar and sodium bicarbonate.

The day ended with everyone in the Start area, which is aimed at younger children. Duncan played with the wooden trains, and I had a (plastic) meal prepared for me by my friend's 2 year old.

We have been going to W5 for a few years now. I remember the first time we went. I took the 3 children and met up with the other home-educating families, whom I didn't know so well then obviously. I don't know exactly what happened, except that I was very stressed and harried, Duncan was running all over and having a very hard time, and I dragged all the children back to the car after after a short time, where I sat in tears of frustration for a while. How different yesterday was! I still need to stay right by Duncan, and I'm lucky that Lady and Thomas are so well behaved that they will stay with D. and not cause her much extra effort. But I have never seen Duncan slow down and concentrate for such long periods on all the exhibits. It was wonderful, even if I was knackered by the time we got home.

Cuckoo!

I bought a cuckoo clock yesterday. Duncan has had a thing about them for a while, ever since he saw my aunt's clock during a visit to her house. I have drawn loads of clocks, and he has Googled and YouTubed. His current favourite YouTube film is about a quilt-shop cuckoo clock. It's so funny watching him watching this film. It's not what most 7 year old boys would enjoy! When we headed out in the car last week, he directed me to take him to the Black Forest! Sadly, it's not quite in the neighbourhood.

He drew a lovely cuckoo clock picture on cardboard and I helped him to cut it out and make a 3D model clock, with doors and a bird inside. In his Wednesday art class, they were making things from Fimo and Duncan opted to make a little bird for his cardboard cuckoo clock. Thomas made a green snail and a badge for Gordon.

Anyway, I saw that they had cheap-ish clocks for sale at Argos, so yesterday I thought I'd get one. The children all came to the shop with me. Duncan was oh so excited. He was bouncing up and down and laughing and saying, 'Duncan get a cuckoo clock!'

We took our new precious time-piece back to the car where I had to open the box immediately so we could all get a look. Duncan was just bursting with happiness. He cradled the clock on his lap as I drove to the next part of our day's activities, the swimming pool.

Now Lady and Thomas have been wanting to go swimming for ages and I kept letting them down. So we finally decided to go during the day instead of in the evening. It should be obvious right, we're home-educating and all! But I'd been a bit concerned about looking after the 2 boys alone in the pool. The last few times we'd been, Thomas was really nervous and either clung to me or stayed really close, and was shivering soon after getting in, perhaps because he wasn't moving about enough to keep warm. Also, whenever I'd said to Duncan about going he became distressed and cried, 'no go to swimming pool!' Eventually I realised what was troubling him, and I said, 'Duncan go to the swimming pool, not go in the shower, just in the pool.' Then he agreed to go.

So we left the clock, with the bird carefully set out of the doors, and went to the leisure centre. It was fabulous. There were few other people there. I'd called up in advance and discovered that if we arrived between 12 and 1.15, there wouldn't be any school groups there. So we got ready in a family changing room and entered the water. I was astonished at Thomas. He put on his goggles, and he was off! He was jumping in and diving under and swimming a metre or 2 and had no fear at all! I don't know what had happened! Duncan loved it too. he mostly stayed in the shallow area by the steps and just splashed about and jumped and laughed. Lady did her usual crazy mermaid thing; she just loves the water. We will definitely make this a weekly thing.

Afterwards we had chip-shop chips, the best kind, and went to visit some friends whom we hadn't seen for a while. While we were there, Thomas and Lady had loads of fun playing a a game called 'doggy tag' which involved running from a swing to a trampoline while trying to avoid the 'lick power' (Lady's term) of their 2 dogs. I had a lovely game with a bundle-of-gorgeousness 2 year old, in which he kept booing me. Also provided was the tea and chat I had required when I posted yesterday.

Today Thomas and Lady went to Jujitsu. Thomas was so pleased to get his gee and looks ever so handsome. I'll have to post a picture as soon as I get round to buying a new charger for our digital camera :-(

Lady said Thomas was really going for it at their class today, and a big boy who has a brown belt was supporting him at the wrestling bit they do at the end. Thomas told me that his Sensei's mum turned up and expresed surprise that he had a mum. The he thought for a bit and said, 'actually, everyone on the whole planet has a mummy.' After a bit more thought he declared, 'except Luke in the Sarah Jane Adventures.' He's right, Luke was created from an amalgamation of the DNA from scans of the human guests to the Bane-run 'Bubbleshock' factory. So there.

Best Friends

But to get back to what this blog is really all about, here's a little update on the family.

First, on Monday, we said goodbye to M. the wonderful young woman who has been coming round almost very week for almost a year to play with Duncan and the others. She is starting full-time work as a primary school teacher. She had bought gifts for all 3 children (Underground Ernie engines for the boys- very much appreciated!) and had a lovely card for me, thanking me for inviting her into our home every week.

It had been entirely our pleasure. She is a delightful, kind, fun and intelligent woman. Her class is lucky to have her as their teacher. She was so open to the children, always tried hard to engage Duncan and gained his love in return. She wanted to know a bit about autism to better help any autistic children she may teach. What a special person she is, to have given up her time for free, for that, but mostly to play with a little autistic boy, and to give his mum a bit of time off on a Monday morning.

We will hopefully see her sometimes on the school holidays. I hope so, because we've all made a friend.


And talking of friends, Lady's best friend in the whole wide world came to stay for a few days with her mum and sister. Just like last year when they visited, we all just went right back to familiarity and comfort with each other. This time we went to the Folk and Transport Museums, and S. took the 3 girls on the train to W5. We don't have our 7-seater car anymore so couldn't all fit. They also went to our neighbour's birthday party. Apart from that, we all talked lots and lots, and the children played, dressed-up, created dance sequences to Mika songs...oh my.

I'm so happy that we're still in touch. I'm very fond of them all, and Lady and S. have special bond. When Gordon dropped them at the airport, Lady went too. He told me that she was craning her neck looking out the window as he drove off, and when he asked her to sit back, she had tears running down her face.

Birthdays!

On Friday, Lady was 9. Yesterday, Gordon's mum was 80. It's been birthday season round here.

Lady wanted to have her party on Saturday and have a family day on Friday. We all went for lunch at Mc's (her choice) then on to one of those indoor play centres. They scampered and climbed and jumped for an hour. Duncan really resisted going in at first, since we'd never been to that particular place before. I asked him if he wanted to just go in to watch Lady and Thomas, which he did. Then he saw a 'Tweenies' ride on toy, which he examined for a while, then a vending machine, reminding him of the vending machine on one of their PC learning games, since he repeated the dialogue about 'entering the exact change'. Soon he was off running, though he stopped every few minutes beside the vending machine, and before we left I gave him some money to buy a bag of sweets. He knew just how to use it too!

That evening, the 'summer ball' (ie dinner and disco) organised by some gregarious folk at Gordon's work was held. We both went, and it's the first time I've met some of his colleagues. It was a good night out too. I think a few people were somewhat surprised to see Gordon dance, having pegged him as some kind of swotty professor type (which he is) but he's also big into his music. It's not as easy to categorise people as it might appear!

We had several friends over for the party on Saturday, and the children all enjoyed themselves, despite the rotten wet weather. (Lady was out dancing barefoot in the rain by the end of the day!) A new friend she met at summer scheme was the only child there not home-educated. Two sets of school going friends couldn't make it. Some of our grown up (well they act that way most of the time) friends were there too so we wiled the afternoon away, eating and chatting. I especially enjoyed playing with little A, just turned 2, and utterly gorgeous.

We took it easy on Sunday, after all those revelries. We went out for a walk on Sunday only to be caught in the rain. No surprises there! In the evening, Lady and I went ice-skating. We last went about 2 years ago and she never made it onto the ice at all. Now however, she was great. I however, fell over 3 times and drove home with a wet backside!

There were more celebrations on Monday. Gordon's mum was 80, though she really doesn't look it. We went into Belfast for dinner at the Merchant House hotel. The restaurant there is bonkers! It looks like a bit of Versailles in the middle of Belfast; gilt and cherubs and a huge chandelier. It was fabulous. E. loved it. Moreover, the meal was wonderful, so it was a lovely, special night. I'd made a little cake which the children helped me to decorate, so we did the cake ceremony in her house before going home. M, our NAS befriender, babysat.

Also celebrating her birthday yesterday, was my step-sister G. She lives in England, and is due to have her much longed for baby any day now. My dad and her mum are over for a few weeks for the big event. So birthday waves across the Irish Sea to G. too!

Making Friends

Yesterday, we visited some home-educating friends for the first time at their house. Their home is big and beautiful, and they don't have a garden; they have grounds! Lady paired up with E, and they spent the day exploring, walking in the rain, riding bikes, practising high jumps, learning magic tricks, inventing spells, catching a frog (they released the creature again right away) and talking, talking, talking!

Thomas spent his time with J, and they walked round with their heads bent, and their brows furrowed and discussed stuff. Thomas had taken his Harry Potter robe/Doctor Who coat and his sonic screwdriver (well, what kind of Time Lord travels without one).

Duncan found a selection of Thomas the Tank Ladybird books. They were tightly packed in a large book case with only the spines on view so it was obvious they were there, right! He also managed to find a few chocolate sweets in a high corner cupboard in the kitchen, that S didn't even remember they had. But you know how some shark species can taste one molecule of blood in a million molecules of water, it appears that Duncan has instead, some enhanced sugar detection system.
He liked their rocking horse, and J's toy monkeys and Warhammer figures. He spent most of his time siting in the middle of J's toy castle, looking at Thomas books and eating crisps.

We had a really nice time. Unfortunately Duncan did manage to break a model of a barge E had made and a guitar string and...well something else no doubt :-(
The only way to ensure he doesn't cause any damage, however inadvertently, is for me to stay right with him all the time. And I was having a nice chat myself and many cups of tea.

When we went home, E asked Lady to stay for another while, and S agreed to drop her off home later. I think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship!