21 Feb 2016

Why She Left

A couple of years ago I wrote a post explaining why someone like Nigella Lawson, smart, beautiful and successful, might stay with a man who is abusive.

Today, based on that list, I will share some of the reasons why someone might opt to end a relationship with an abuser:
  • She's concerned about the impact living in such a poisonous environment is having on her children.
  • She's seen her children fall victim to some of the tactics used on her.
  • She knows now what this is- she's had support from people and professionals who've helped her to identify the mind games and manipulation.
  • She has the support of those who have known and cared for her all her life.
  • She knows that she deserves a better life.
  • She's almost 40 and the thought of waking up at 45 still living like this turns her stomach.
  • She's still afraid, but has clarity of thought, is still guilty about her children but is free from obligation to a grown adult.
  • She's liberated from focussing on his concerns, needs, complaints, wants. She's giving nothing more.
  • She has had enough of the incidents, explosions, hurts and humiliations.
  • She started to keep track of what was happening.
  • The emotional bond she once had to him has broken. That last link finally snapped.
  • She welcomes change, knows things will be hard but will improve with time.
  • She would rather be alone than with the wrong person.
  • She's immune to the apologies, promises that he loves her, that he'll change and do whatever it takes to make things OK.
  • The false hope has finally died.
  • She retains her values and principles and knows that she couldn't have fought any harder to make it work.
  • She wants to enjoy life.
It can be difficult when you're enmeshed to find clarity and make concrete plans. For anyone who is lost in a fog of fear, guilt and anxiety- get help from a domestic abuse organisation. They will help you to make plans and stay as safe as possible.