Thanks Ann for tagging me.
1. One book that changed your life?
Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte.
I first read this when I was not much older than Charlotte when we first meet her. I can still imagine her terror in the 'red room' and the first time I ever cried while reading, was when her friend dies beside her at Lowood School. It was the first time I really felt the magic of escaping into another world.
I had to read it a few more times to appreciate the choice of a small, plain and poor heroine, who knows her mind and carves her own path.
2. One book you have read more than once?
* by Jane Austen!
3. One book you would want on a desert island?
The complete works of William Shakespeare, should keep me going 'til my rescuers arrive.
4. One book that made you cry?
Most recently, Memoir, by John McGahern.
5. One book that made you laugh?
Oh, right...well I've read a fair few of Marian Keyes books and they're all funny, smart and a great escapist read, even the one about a recovering drug addict. So lets say, Watermelon.
6. One book you wish had been written?
I can't answer this question.
7. One book you wish had never been written?
The Contented Little Baby Book, by Gina Ford.
So sue me!
8. One book you are currently reading?
Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad. (I got a box of 'banned' books for Christmas and am working my way through them.)
9. One book you have been meaning to read?
Portrait of a Lady, by Henry James; I started this about 5 times but keep putting it down in favour of something easier.
I'm tagging Amanda, Autiemom, Esther, Kristina and Hazel.
So if you fancy it, I'd love to read about your choices.
26 Aug 2006
24 Aug 2006
New lines
At 6am, Duncan came bounding into our room and jumped into bed beside me, wrapping his skinny wee naked body around me, and squashing a Percy train, a Thomas train and Bulstrode the barge, in between us. He'd obviously wet his bed, so he was clever enough to shed the wet pyjamas and choose a nice, dry bed to lie in. He entertained us with some choice moments from the Thomas stories for half an hour before asking for the fan heater (which he loves to crouch in front of like a cat) and some cheese and carrots and apple juice.
Thomas intercepted me as I tried to go downstairs and I was obliged to return to my bed with him for our morning hugs. That done, we were able to go down to eat. Thomas and I played a marathon game of snakes and ladders over breakfast. I never played the game for so long before.
Lady got busy fixing breakfast for Crookshanks and Daisy, the guinea pigs. They are really part of the family now; I mean, I even dreamt about them the other night! She put them in the run which they spend every dry day in, then cleaned out the hutch and washed it down with water and vinegar. Thomas was fighting to get a turn with the scrubbing brush too. Right now, they (the children that is) are playing with my (little used) spools of thread and all the buttons, making a model of a chocolate factory. Like you do.
Duncan has a few new phrases. A few days ago he was muttering to himself as he played beside me, when he suddenly took hold of my face in both his hands, looked at me intently and said in an earnest manner, 'It's all right Harry, He's home, you both are.' After a bit more muttering he came out with 'He's back, vol-em-on's back!' I asked him what film it was, he said it was Harry Potter. That one cracked me up.
One other night, I was watching a bit of Doctor Who with Duncan snuggling on my lap. He didn't appear to be paying much attention to the TV, when something happened on screen that made him grin and shout the line 'don't touch the baby!'. He said the word 'baby' in a funny faux-English accent, sounding like 'bai-bay'. (Can anyone who happens to read this figure out the esisode?)
This line has entered our repertoire of things to say when playing chase, I shout 'don't touch the baby' and he runs off, laughing delightedly.
I need to fix Lady's hair now. She wants to look good as one of her summer scheme friends is coming over this afternoon.
Thomas intercepted me as I tried to go downstairs and I was obliged to return to my bed with him for our morning hugs. That done, we were able to go down to eat. Thomas and I played a marathon game of snakes and ladders over breakfast. I never played the game for so long before.
Lady got busy fixing breakfast for Crookshanks and Daisy, the guinea pigs. They are really part of the family now; I mean, I even dreamt about them the other night! She put them in the run which they spend every dry day in, then cleaned out the hutch and washed it down with water and vinegar. Thomas was fighting to get a turn with the scrubbing brush too. Right now, they (the children that is) are playing with my (little used) spools of thread and all the buttons, making a model of a chocolate factory. Like you do.
Duncan has a few new phrases. A few days ago he was muttering to himself as he played beside me, when he suddenly took hold of my face in both his hands, looked at me intently and said in an earnest manner, 'It's all right Harry, He's home, you both are.' After a bit more muttering he came out with 'He's back, vol-em-on's back!' I asked him what film it was, he said it was Harry Potter. That one cracked me up.
One other night, I was watching a bit of Doctor Who with Duncan snuggling on my lap. He didn't appear to be paying much attention to the TV, when something happened on screen that made him grin and shout the line 'don't touch the baby!'. He said the word 'baby' in a funny faux-English accent, sounding like 'bai-bay'. (Can anyone who happens to read this figure out the esisode?)
This line has entered our repertoire of things to say when playing chase, I shout 'don't touch the baby' and he runs off, laughing delightedly.
I need to fix Lady's hair now. She wants to look good as one of her summer scheme friends is coming over this afternoon.
23 Aug 2006
Learning at home meme thing
Hazel tagged me.
1) ONE HOMESCHOOLING BOOK YOU HAVE ENJOYED
I enjoyed all the John Holt books and Free Range Education (the first book I ever read about HE).
2) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULDN’T BE WITHOUT
The internet. What else could anyone say?
The children use it daily, from Cbeebies to Starfall to BBC Jam.
Lady's standard response when I don't know the answer to one of her questions is, 'Well let's Google it!
It helps keep me somewhat sane too, to be able to connect with people around the world through e-mail lists and blogs.
3) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT
Maths books from CIMT. They are just strange.
4) ONE RESOURCE YOU ENJOYED LAST YEAR
W5 in Belfast. It's a great place that all 3 children enjoy.
5) ONE RESOURCE YOU WILL BE USING NEXT YEAR
CGP books for Lady.
6) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BUY
A piano.
7) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH EXISTED
A drop in play/learning centre down the road.
A robot maid would be nice too. As would a tardis, or even just a big bridge going north from our road; you know what I mean Debs ;-)
8) ONE HOMESCHOOLING CATALOGUE YOU ENJOY READING
The Book People catalogue.
9) ONE HOMESCHOOLING WEBSITE YOU USE REGULARLY
The sites listed in 1).
10) TAG FIVE OTHER HOMESCHOOLERS
Too late, I think they've all done it.
Unless Mum is Thinking fancies a go?!
1) ONE HOMESCHOOLING BOOK YOU HAVE ENJOYED
I enjoyed all the John Holt books and Free Range Education (the first book I ever read about HE).
2) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULDN’T BE WITHOUT
The internet. What else could anyone say?
The children use it daily, from Cbeebies to Starfall to BBC Jam.
Lady's standard response when I don't know the answer to one of her questions is, 'Well let's Google it!
It helps keep me somewhat sane too, to be able to connect with people around the world through e-mail lists and blogs.
3) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH YOU HAD NEVER BOUGHT
Maths books from CIMT. They are just strange.
4) ONE RESOURCE YOU ENJOYED LAST YEAR
W5 in Belfast. It's a great place that all 3 children enjoy.
5) ONE RESOURCE YOU WILL BE USING NEXT YEAR
CGP books for Lady.
6) ONE RESOURCE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BUY
A piano.
7) ONE RESOURCE YOU WISH EXISTED
A drop in play/learning centre down the road.
A robot maid would be nice too. As would a tardis, or even just a big bridge going north from our road; you know what I mean Debs ;-)
8) ONE HOMESCHOOLING CATALOGUE YOU ENJOY READING
The Book People catalogue.
9) ONE HOMESCHOOLING WEBSITE YOU USE REGULARLY
The sites listed in 1).
10) TAG FIVE OTHER HOMESCHOOLERS
Too late, I think they've all done it.
Unless Mum is Thinking fancies a go?!
21 Aug 2006
Our weekend
Once again, things are looking up around here.
Lady and Thomas are outside, bouncing on the trampoline, playing with the guinea pigs, riding bikes and scooters and whatever else they may be up to. I was thinking of asking Lady to do some sitting-at-the-table type of work, but I think they're much better off enjoying the few remaining days of sunshine together. There'll be time enough for desk work when it's cold and miserable outside.
Duncan is sitting beside me, using his own computer to watch Thomas the Tank Engine videos on YouTube. We have only just started using this amazing resource. Yesterday I helped Lady to search for Harry Potter related videos (there are lots that are inappropriate/plain weird, and she's been told not to use the site unsupervised). We all enjoyed a Harry Potter spoof made for Comic Relief. Gordon spent a few hours last night sitting with a big grin, watching videos by some of the electronic music artists he enjoyed as a youth; YMO, Thomas Dolby, Human League, Kraftwerk, that kind of thing.
Yesterday, Lady alerted us to a bit of a nature battle played out by our back door. A wasp and a spider were tussling on a web; the spider won and we were able to watch it wrap the (still live) wasp in silk, then haul it up to a corner (its larder) and leave it to dangle. It was a fascinating sight I'd never witnessed first hand before.
Thomas had a great discussion also about when he was a baby and how he's getting bigger and then he told me about how he was 1, then he was 2, then he was 3.......all the way up to 100 (though he skipped the 80's; 79 straight to 90!) then at 100 he will die and I will get a new boy. He asked me where he came from, so I told him, the he asked how he got out, so I told him. He just said 'ohh', and went to the next issue. He suddenly realised that I am not 100 yet so I must be growing too. I told him that I stopped getting bigger when I became an adult. He said that if I was still growing I'd be a giant and I'd have to sleep in the Giants Causeway!
We've also been having a few big conversations about our plans for the children in the coming year. Gordon still worries about Lady's education in case she has fallen behind her schooled peers. I have greater expectations from her now; she's older, much more mature and interested in learning about the world, loves to read and just needs some more structure and dedicated time to work. I am aware of things like the National Curriculum guidelines, but mostly I compare her against herself and track the progress she makes in her own development.
We also talked about Duncan. He has been having lots of outbursts, shouting and crying to get what he wants. We talked about how his disability affects him, as that's all that matters when looking at an individual. (Autiemom has a great post about these issues here.) His difficulties are all due to his very limited communication ability. We need to find more ways of helping him communicate without his feeling the need to shout/squeeze my arm/cry quite so much. I try to help him to label his emotions, so as not to deny him the right to feel and express different things, but to be able to show it in more suitable ways. I am learning all the time, and have a long way to go.
Lady and Thomas are outside, bouncing on the trampoline, playing with the guinea pigs, riding bikes and scooters and whatever else they may be up to. I was thinking of asking Lady to do some sitting-at-the-table type of work, but I think they're much better off enjoying the few remaining days of sunshine together. There'll be time enough for desk work when it's cold and miserable outside.
Duncan is sitting beside me, using his own computer to watch Thomas the Tank Engine videos on YouTube. We have only just started using this amazing resource. Yesterday I helped Lady to search for Harry Potter related videos (there are lots that are inappropriate/plain weird, and she's been told not to use the site unsupervised). We all enjoyed a Harry Potter spoof made for Comic Relief. Gordon spent a few hours last night sitting with a big grin, watching videos by some of the electronic music artists he enjoyed as a youth; YMO, Thomas Dolby, Human League, Kraftwerk, that kind of thing.
Yesterday, Lady alerted us to a bit of a nature battle played out by our back door. A wasp and a spider were tussling on a web; the spider won and we were able to watch it wrap the (still live) wasp in silk, then haul it up to a corner (its larder) and leave it to dangle. It was a fascinating sight I'd never witnessed first hand before.
Thomas had a great discussion also about when he was a baby and how he's getting bigger and then he told me about how he was 1, then he was 2, then he was 3.......all the way up to 100 (though he skipped the 80's; 79 straight to 90!) then at 100 he will die and I will get a new boy. He asked me where he came from, so I told him, the he asked how he got out, so I told him. He just said 'ohh', and went to the next issue. He suddenly realised that I am not 100 yet so I must be growing too. I told him that I stopped getting bigger when I became an adult. He said that if I was still growing I'd be a giant and I'd have to sleep in the Giants Causeway!
We've also been having a few big conversations about our plans for the children in the coming year. Gordon still worries about Lady's education in case she has fallen behind her schooled peers. I have greater expectations from her now; she's older, much more mature and interested in learning about the world, loves to read and just needs some more structure and dedicated time to work. I am aware of things like the National Curriculum guidelines, but mostly I compare her against herself and track the progress she makes in her own development.
We also talked about Duncan. He has been having lots of outbursts, shouting and crying to get what he wants. We talked about how his disability affects him, as that's all that matters when looking at an individual. (Autiemom has a great post about these issues here.) His difficulties are all due to his very limited communication ability. We need to find more ways of helping him communicate without his feeling the need to shout/squeeze my arm/cry quite so much. I try to help him to label his emotions, so as not to deny him the right to feel and express different things, but to be able to show it in more suitable ways. I am learning all the time, and have a long way to go.
18 Aug 2006
Mastermind
We bought Lady a game called Harry Potter scene it? for her birthday. It's a board game with a DVD and tests the players' knowledge on the books and films. We have played it several times, and she keeps winning. I was shocked at the kind of stuff she knew, far more than me! She'd do well on Mastermind with Harry Potter as her specialist subject. She gets a real kick out of her success too.
Thomas loves to play snakes and ladders. We played a couple of games this morning, winning one each. He gets so excited by it all; it's so cute! He explained the rules to me before we started. I thought it was interesting how he was able to recognise the value of each facet of the dice instantly by just looking at the dot patterns.
They decided to do some art work next. Thomas requested 'the materials' and got to work with a sponge and some green paint (green is still his favourite). He showed me his finished product, '8 green fish having a race'. OK then!
Duncan produced a bit of what could be considered an artistic enhancement of our bathroom last night. He had taken loads of toilet roll, wet it, and then flung the piles of mushed up paper at the ceiling. When I saw it, the bathroom ceiling was hung with lots of little papier mache stalactites. Well, it was a more pleasant experiment than his earlier dissection.
He and Lady are painting downstairs right now, so I'd better go check what artistic delights await...
Thomas loves to play snakes and ladders. We played a couple of games this morning, winning one each. He gets so excited by it all; it's so cute! He explained the rules to me before we started. I thought it was interesting how he was able to recognise the value of each facet of the dice instantly by just looking at the dot patterns.
They decided to do some art work next. Thomas requested 'the materials' and got to work with a sponge and some green paint (green is still his favourite). He showed me his finished product, '8 green fish having a race'. OK then!
Duncan produced a bit of what could be considered an artistic enhancement of our bathroom last night. He had taken loads of toilet roll, wet it, and then flung the piles of mushed up paper at the ceiling. When I saw it, the bathroom ceiling was hung with lots of little papier mache stalactites. Well, it was a more pleasant experiment than his earlier dissection.
He and Lady are painting downstairs right now, so I'd better go check what artistic delights await...
17 Aug 2006
Summer ends
Summer time is drawing to a close. This is Lady's last day at summer scheme and the evenings are fast getting shorter. Like many others, I've been thinking about our learning plans for the next few months for each of the children. There's room here for a lot more organisation and optimisation.
I was a bit low for a few days there, which can be difficult as Duncan is so sensitive to my moods and he was consequently more demanding and clingy. But, spending time with these little people lifts me so I can't stay down for long. They can be hard work, but they are so funny too.
Today, Duncan and me have been composing comic-strip type stories. I wrote out a few sentences and illustrated them with stick figures. Duncan helped to improve the story with a few well placed details, and he came up with the last sentence himself, so we ended up with;
Duncan has a train.
Duncan has a noisy small Thomas train.
Duncan is playing.
Duncan is happy.
Mummy can draw a small Brio Thomas.
He can now read all that. So for now, home-made reading books are the way for him to improve his reading ability.
Earlier though, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom reading some blogs (so time well spent then ;-) ) while Duncan played on my bed with, well I thought it was, a toy train. He came over to me saying 'fix it' and dropped something into my hand. I expected it to be a train with a loose wheel or something, not a snail with half its shell pulled off. Oh yuk! I chucked it out the window and lead Duncan to the bathroom to wash our hands, while trying to calmly tell him that he must not hurt snails. I had to wash my duvet cover too, there was some horrid looking yellow goo on it. I blame Abfh though, if her last post wasn't so funny and sharp, I might have been paying more attention to what my child was doing!
Also today I cleaned lots and baked raisin and oatmeal cookies with Thomas. He always wears a little stripped blue and white apron when we cook so he really looks the part.
I hope Lady enjoys her last day. She has loved hanging out with other children and may well miss that interaction. Hopefully she'll be able to meet up with some of the children after summer scheme as well.
I was a bit low for a few days there, which can be difficult as Duncan is so sensitive to my moods and he was consequently more demanding and clingy. But, spending time with these little people lifts me so I can't stay down for long. They can be hard work, but they are so funny too.
Today, Duncan and me have been composing comic-strip type stories. I wrote out a few sentences and illustrated them with stick figures. Duncan helped to improve the story with a few well placed details, and he came up with the last sentence himself, so we ended up with;
Duncan has a train.
Duncan has a noisy small Thomas train.
Duncan is playing.
Duncan is happy.
Mummy can draw a small Brio Thomas.
He can now read all that. So for now, home-made reading books are the way for him to improve his reading ability.
Earlier though, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom reading some blogs (so time well spent then ;-) ) while Duncan played on my bed with, well I thought it was, a toy train. He came over to me saying 'fix it' and dropped something into my hand. I expected it to be a train with a loose wheel or something, not a snail with half its shell pulled off. Oh yuk! I chucked it out the window and lead Duncan to the bathroom to wash our hands, while trying to calmly tell him that he must not hurt snails. I had to wash my duvet cover too, there was some horrid looking yellow goo on it. I blame Abfh though, if her last post wasn't so funny and sharp, I might have been paying more attention to what my child was doing!
Also today I cleaned lots and baked raisin and oatmeal cookies with Thomas. He always wears a little stripped blue and white apron when we cook so he really looks the part.
I hope Lady enjoys her last day. She has loved hanging out with other children and may well miss that interaction. Hopefully she'll be able to meet up with some of the children after summer scheme as well.
14 Aug 2006
Birthday weekend
We've just had a weekend of birthday celebrations.
Lady took some little cakes to summer scheme on Thursday and she had a little birthday party with some of her friends there. She also went on a trip to W5, and had great fun dressing up in a lab coat to make flubber.
When I went to pick her up, she was whispering to one of the little boys. She told me they'd been discussing who fancies whom. Apparently she fancies Sammy, Andrew fancies Jessica and Erin fancies someone else...she's only 8, is this for real!
Gordon's Mum came over to have dinner with us. We had Lady's favourite, a Chinese takeaway, and I'd baked a small chocolate birthday cake. On Friday, we all went to the Folk and Transport Museums. Gordon's Mum came with us and she thought it was all great. Everyone enjoyed the day; Duncan ran lots as usual!
In one of the museum cottages, there is an open fire below a huge chimney. Duncan stood staring at the fire and looking up the chimney for ages, then he started reciting some lines and pretending to sneeze. I realised he was thinking of Disney's Pinocchio, the scene where they light a fire in the wale's belly.
We had a proper party for Lady on Saturday. Lots of friends came over, as well as my dad and step-mum, Gordon cooked and I baked and we all had a lovely day. Lady got lots of great gifts. The house and garden were full of children running around having fun. Lady really liked her friend J and the 2 girls spent the day together, usually with Lady's guinea pigs in their arms. Daisy and Crookshanks had no shortage of attention! It's so nice to gather friends and entertain. My extended family are great at that sort of thing. We really must do it more often.
On Sunday, it was my mother-in-law's birthday, so Gordon took her out for lunch in a posh restaurant. Lady went too. She wore a pretty pink dress she'd received the day before as a birthday present, and I fixed her hair in 8 plaits. Lady enjoyed the experience, even if she only ate the desert!
Lady took some little cakes to summer scheme on Thursday and she had a little birthday party with some of her friends there. She also went on a trip to W5, and had great fun dressing up in a lab coat to make flubber.
When I went to pick her up, she was whispering to one of the little boys. She told me they'd been discussing who fancies whom. Apparently she fancies Sammy, Andrew fancies Jessica and Erin fancies someone else...she's only 8, is this for real!
Gordon's Mum came over to have dinner with us. We had Lady's favourite, a Chinese takeaway, and I'd baked a small chocolate birthday cake. On Friday, we all went to the Folk and Transport Museums. Gordon's Mum came with us and she thought it was all great. Everyone enjoyed the day; Duncan ran lots as usual!
In one of the museum cottages, there is an open fire below a huge chimney. Duncan stood staring at the fire and looking up the chimney for ages, then he started reciting some lines and pretending to sneeze. I realised he was thinking of Disney's Pinocchio, the scene where they light a fire in the wale's belly.
We had a proper party for Lady on Saturday. Lots of friends came over, as well as my dad and step-mum, Gordon cooked and I baked and we all had a lovely day. Lady got lots of great gifts. The house and garden were full of children running around having fun. Lady really liked her friend J and the 2 girls spent the day together, usually with Lady's guinea pigs in their arms. Daisy and Crookshanks had no shortage of attention! It's so nice to gather friends and entertain. My extended family are great at that sort of thing. We really must do it more often.
On Sunday, it was my mother-in-law's birthday, so Gordon took her out for lunch in a posh restaurant. Lady went too. She wore a pretty pink dress she'd received the day before as a birthday present, and I fixed her hair in 8 plaits. Lady enjoyed the experience, even if she only ate the desert!
10 Aug 2006
Lady is 8 today!
Happy Birthday!!!
How did that happen, one minute she's just been born, eyes wide, looking round, assessing the situation; next minute (or so it seems) she's a tall, strong girl growing and learning and making me proud.
She lies on the floor with her little brothers and tells them long, convoluted stories using their toy trains. She plays chase with Duncan as she knows it's his favourite game. She sits up in her room watching The Sound of Music with Thomas, the 2 of them belting out the songs together. She still likes to dress up and play with dolls. She makes dens with the boys and reads to them (they love Cat in the Hat). Having spent so much time together, they are all good friends. She can make friends with children much younger and much older than herself. She has not been exposed to the idea that only people born in 1998 can be her friends. She draws pictures most days, of herself with her brothers or of Gordon and me, and writes little love notes and puts them under our bedroom door to find when we're going to bed. She loves her JuJitsu and is determined to keep at it and get a black belt. She has loved going to summer scheme and has made friends with a gang of children there. They've been swimming every day and going down to the beach where she makes collections of shells and stones.
She is kind and considerate of others. She understands and loves Duncan and always stands up for him. She doesn't wish he wasn't autistic, she knows that he just is as he is. She can tell me when I'm doing the wrong thing or am not being fair on one of the boys, and when I mess up and tell her I'm sorry, she immediately forgives and rushes to hug me. She holds no grudges.
She is clever and learning well. She is a Harry Potter super-fan and knows the books inside-out. She loves history and science, especially learning about the body. I love seeing the progress and learning with her. It is wonderful to have her around to share this.
When she was a baby, Gordon and I would keep staring at her while she slept, and we'd whisper 'we made her!' in awe. We're still in awe when we look at her.
Our lovely Lady (who's real name is much nicer!).
8 Aug 2006
Marvellous wedding
I had the most fantastic weekend away at my cousin's wedding while Gordon stayed at home with the children.
I drove first to my brother's house, got changed into my dress, had some bacon and eggs, then went with my sister to the church. On the way, a policeman flagged down my car for no reason, and growled at me 'What's the name?'. Now, I'm a good girl and have never been stopped by a policeman before so I was a bit flustered. I had to think for a few seconds, 'the name of what? The car? The street? Oh no, he must mean what's my name' by which time my sister had poked me and I told him. He then asked 'Where from?' Well, lets not waste words here! Again I had to think; do I give my current address or would it be more correct to say where I'm from; my home-town, so I gave that answer and he waved me on. How odd. We speculated that there may have been a crime reported in the area, carried out by 2 women in pretty dresses, who clattered away on high heels before making their getaway in a people carrier.
We arrived at the church minutes later. Crowds of relatives and friends were there, everyone looking gorgeous, especially (of course) the bride. Another cousin is due to have her 2nd baby in 3 weeks, and as I told her, she was the best dressed guest.
The service was lovely, a string quartet provided the beautiful music, and my cousin and her husband were so happy together. Everyone went to my aunt's house for drinks and snacks while some photos were taken, then we went to Donegal town for the reception.
I tried to book into my room at the Central Hotel, but, like 3 other guests, the room had been double booked and we had to make other arrangements. The woman who was supposed to be sorting this out was a grumpy shrew. (If she had just said these 3 little words I am sorry! then we wouldn't have been so bothered cause mistakes can be made, but she was nasty and rude.) So don't stay there!
Now this wedding had the best speeches I've ever heard. The whole lot were done in about 10 minutes! Unusually, they were given before the meal. The groom had written a romantic poem which left all us soft hearted folk with a wee tear in the eye. It took some nerve for him to do that; I'd have thought he'd be worried about the slagging he'd get from his mates. But he is clearly crazy about his wife and their lovely baby son.
The meal was good and the band were excellent and much dancing was done. I had the chance to catch up with various cousins I hadn't seen for ages as they're living abroad. I was delighted to see my youngest cousin for the first time in years. She had come with her girlfriend and we had the best of crack together. I had a fair bit to drink (well, for me) and though I had no trace of a hangover the next day (I've never had one) I was totally hoarse and stiff from too much loud talking and dancing like a teenager. My dancing was described as 'provocative'...ha! It was great to not have to be the sensible mummy for a day!
I had to abandon my car (obviously), and we managed to get a lift back to our brother's house. with yet another cousin. We got in at 4.15 am, wahey!
I woke up at my normal time the next day and went for a walk to the corner shop for more bacon and eggs, as I needed some fresh air and exercise. We went back to Donegal later on Sunday where we met some of those who had stayed over, and where my other brother came to meet us with his family. That was another nice afternoon.
I had a long drive alone to get home. When I got back I was bowled over by hugs. Thomas said 'Oh Mummy, I was so worried about you. I really missed you!' Duncan was a bit overwrought and told me to go away and said he was 'not happy'. (Gordon had been asking him if he would be happy to see me.) After he was done being a bit angry with me, he came up to sit on my lap and he cuddled in and cried for a while, after which he was OK. Gordon told me they had all had a lovely time together. It's nice that they are all old enough to enjoy being with him, and don't suffer any from my short absence.
I did miss them, but boy, did I enjoy my short time away.
I drove first to my brother's house, got changed into my dress, had some bacon and eggs, then went with my sister to the church. On the way, a policeman flagged down my car for no reason, and growled at me 'What's the name?'. Now, I'm a good girl and have never been stopped by a policeman before so I was a bit flustered. I had to think for a few seconds, 'the name of what? The car? The street? Oh no, he must mean what's my name' by which time my sister had poked me and I told him. He then asked 'Where from?' Well, lets not waste words here! Again I had to think; do I give my current address or would it be more correct to say where I'm from; my home-town, so I gave that answer and he waved me on. How odd. We speculated that there may have been a crime reported in the area, carried out by 2 women in pretty dresses, who clattered away on high heels before making their getaway in a people carrier.
We arrived at the church minutes later. Crowds of relatives and friends were there, everyone looking gorgeous, especially (of course) the bride. Another cousin is due to have her 2nd baby in 3 weeks, and as I told her, she was the best dressed guest.
The service was lovely, a string quartet provided the beautiful music, and my cousin and her husband were so happy together. Everyone went to my aunt's house for drinks and snacks while some photos were taken, then we went to Donegal town for the reception.
I tried to book into my room at the Central Hotel, but, like 3 other guests, the room had been double booked and we had to make other arrangements. The woman who was supposed to be sorting this out was a grumpy shrew. (If she had just said these 3 little words I am sorry! then we wouldn't have been so bothered cause mistakes can be made, but she was nasty and rude.) So don't stay there!
Now this wedding had the best speeches I've ever heard. The whole lot were done in about 10 minutes! Unusually, they were given before the meal. The groom had written a romantic poem which left all us soft hearted folk with a wee tear in the eye. It took some nerve for him to do that; I'd have thought he'd be worried about the slagging he'd get from his mates. But he is clearly crazy about his wife and their lovely baby son.
The meal was good and the band were excellent and much dancing was done. I had the chance to catch up with various cousins I hadn't seen for ages as they're living abroad. I was delighted to see my youngest cousin for the first time in years. She had come with her girlfriend and we had the best of crack together. I had a fair bit to drink (well, for me) and though I had no trace of a hangover the next day (I've never had one) I was totally hoarse and stiff from too much loud talking and dancing like a teenager. My dancing was described as 'provocative'...ha! It was great to not have to be the sensible mummy for a day!
I had to abandon my car (obviously), and we managed to get a lift back to our brother's house. with yet another cousin. We got in at 4.15 am, wahey!
I woke up at my normal time the next day and went for a walk to the corner shop for more bacon and eggs, as I needed some fresh air and exercise. We went back to Donegal later on Sunday where we met some of those who had stayed over, and where my other brother came to meet us with his family. That was another nice afternoon.
I had a long drive alone to get home. When I got back I was bowled over by hugs. Thomas said 'Oh Mummy, I was so worried about you. I really missed you!' Duncan was a bit overwrought and told me to go away and said he was 'not happy'. (Gordon had been asking him if he would be happy to see me.) After he was done being a bit angry with me, he came up to sit on my lap and he cuddled in and cried for a while, after which he was OK. Gordon told me they had all had a lovely time together. It's nice that they are all old enough to enjoy being with him, and don't suffer any from my short absence.
I did miss them, but boy, did I enjoy my short time away.
4 Aug 2006
Cars and friends
Last Friday, we went to a playground and met up with another (relatively) local home-educating friend. Lady played with her 4yo daughter, after some initial shyness. Thomas went off and scaled the really high climbing frame, with all these much bigger children. He then joined a queue of 10-15 year olds from group outing, to ride the slide-along-the-rope-thing; the same one he was terrified of last year. This time he was marshaling all these big kids into helping him reach the seat, and getting them to push him along at top speed. Duncan climbed and slid and spun, but most of all he played with the sand.
An ice-cream van drove in while we were there; I braced myself for the tantrum, but it didn't happen. 20 mins passed before Duncan noticed the van was there, then he ran straight towards it. I (as usual) dashed after him. I passed a man who called out something like 'bet he keeps you fit!'; I get that sort of comment a lot when I'm out with Duncan.
So he asked for an ice-cream, I told him I had no money, so no ice-cream. He said, 'Get the money.' I said, 'The money is at home. Sorry, no money, no ice-cream.' He looked hard at me for a few minutes, thinking about this, then ran off to play. Whew, that was easy!
On Saturday, we had another family outing to the cinema, this time to see Cars. The film was great, but didn't hold Duncan's attention so well and he was quite fidgety towards the end.
Talking of cars, ours failed the MOT; faulty rear number plate light and fog lights. I'd taken it to a local garage for a pre-test check too, you think he'd have picked up on those faults. Bah!
But some good news, we had a meeting with the local NAS befriender scheme coordinator and the woman who had volunteered to befriend Duncan. She seems really nice. She will probably come here every week or so to spend time with Duncan, just playing and having fun together. There's no other agenda than that.
Right. I'd really better get sorted. I'm heading off to my cousin's wedding tomorrow in my home town. The children will be left in their father's capable hands while I'm kicking up a storm on the dance floor (and I'm staying the night in the reception hotel too- lie in! Undisturbed breakfast!) It promises to be a big, rambunctious Irish wedding and I can hardly wait!
An ice-cream van drove in while we were there; I braced myself for the tantrum, but it didn't happen. 20 mins passed before Duncan noticed the van was there, then he ran straight towards it. I (as usual) dashed after him. I passed a man who called out something like 'bet he keeps you fit!'; I get that sort of comment a lot when I'm out with Duncan.
So he asked for an ice-cream, I told him I had no money, so no ice-cream. He said, 'Get the money.' I said, 'The money is at home. Sorry, no money, no ice-cream.' He looked hard at me for a few minutes, thinking about this, then ran off to play. Whew, that was easy!
On Saturday, we had another family outing to the cinema, this time to see Cars. The film was great, but didn't hold Duncan's attention so well and he was quite fidgety towards the end.
Talking of cars, ours failed the MOT; faulty rear number plate light and fog lights. I'd taken it to a local garage for a pre-test check too, you think he'd have picked up on those faults. Bah!
But some good news, we had a meeting with the local NAS befriender scheme coordinator and the woman who had volunteered to befriend Duncan. She seems really nice. She will probably come here every week or so to spend time with Duncan, just playing and having fun together. There's no other agenda than that.
Right. I'd really better get sorted. I'm heading off to my cousin's wedding tomorrow in my home town. The children will be left in their father's capable hands while I'm kicking up a storm on the dance floor (and I'm staying the night in the reception hotel too- lie in! Undisturbed breakfast!) It promises to be a big, rambunctious Irish wedding and I can hardly wait!
29 Jul 2006
A wee problem and perspectives
Duncan wets the bed. He can use the toilet independently during the day, but almost every night, I have to change the sheet, often the duvet cover and pillow case also, and sometimes more than once.
I lift him out of bed 2 times a night and take him to the toilet. He wears nappies, though they don't do all that much good as he, well he's a boy, and he fiddles, causing his urethra to point up and out of the nappy!
It's a bit of a pain, but I reckon it's just one of those things that he will eventually grow out of.
There are some other things going on right now. He is loud. He cries a lot; sort of shouting out at me, to get various things or do what it is he wants RIGHT NOW! I'm not talking about really big storm outbursts. This low-level complaining happens if I don't immediately jump to do his bidding. This shouting can last for 5-20 mins at a time, and happens several times a day.
He sometimes pulls at me and bites my sleeve. He knows not to bite my skin (though he has done on a very few occasions when he was completely overwhelmed and unable to exert any self-control. This has not happened for over 5 months).
I can mostly screen it out, and try to help him communicate what he wants in a more reasonable way. If I ask him to use a quiet voice, he will say 'Not happy, Duncan sad!' It grates on me sometimes, and I will get a bit grumpy and whiny and do the 'Can I not even have a bite of breakfast in peace' or some similar spiel.
But you know what, it always blows over. No-one is ever hurt. I'm getting better at dealing with it and at helping him deal with his big feelings. It reminds me that I have a choice in how I view these things. I could rage against the world and ask 'why do I have to listen to this, it's so unfair, other kids don't do this, if he didn't have autism we could do so much that we can't do now, blah, blah, blah.'
But what the hell good would that do. It would only trap me in a bitter cycle of pity, that would close my eyes to much of the joy we share, like hugs and smiles and watching all of them grow, learn and progress. And there is a lot of progress.
Wow, I'm feeling really happy and optimistic now!
I lift him out of bed 2 times a night and take him to the toilet. He wears nappies, though they don't do all that much good as he, well he's a boy, and he fiddles, causing his urethra to point up and out of the nappy!
It's a bit of a pain, but I reckon it's just one of those things that he will eventually grow out of.
There are some other things going on right now. He is loud. He cries a lot; sort of shouting out at me, to get various things or do what it is he wants RIGHT NOW! I'm not talking about really big storm outbursts. This low-level complaining happens if I don't immediately jump to do his bidding. This shouting can last for 5-20 mins at a time, and happens several times a day.
He sometimes pulls at me and bites my sleeve. He knows not to bite my skin (though he has done on a very few occasions when he was completely overwhelmed and unable to exert any self-control. This has not happened for over 5 months).
I can mostly screen it out, and try to help him communicate what he wants in a more reasonable way. If I ask him to use a quiet voice, he will say 'Not happy, Duncan sad!' It grates on me sometimes, and I will get a bit grumpy and whiny and do the 'Can I not even have a bite of breakfast in peace' or some similar spiel.
But you know what, it always blows over. No-one is ever hurt. I'm getting better at dealing with it and at helping him deal with his big feelings. It reminds me that I have a choice in how I view these things. I could rage against the world and ask 'why do I have to listen to this, it's so unfair, other kids don't do this, if he didn't have autism we could do so much that we can't do now, blah, blah, blah.'
But what the hell good would that do. It would only trap me in a bitter cycle of pity, that would close my eyes to much of the joy we share, like hugs and smiles and watching all of them grow, learn and progress. And there is a lot of progress.
Wow, I'm feeling really happy and optimistic now!
28 Jul 2006
Summer Fun
Well after all the nerves, Lady has been loving her summer scheme. She has made friends with some other girls and really enjoys all the activities. The 2012 London Olympics road-show 'Be Part of 2012' called at the leisure centre and they watched a swimming display and listened to a talk by genius runner, Steve Cram. It last from 9 to 5 though, much too long I think. Lady is exhausted and famished when she gets home, and really grumpy too. I'm glad it's only on for 3 days a week. There's no way she (or we) could deal with this intensity daily.
On Wednesday, while Lady was gone, we took the boys to Pickie Park in Bangor. Duncan and Gordon went on the little Pickie Puffer train while Thomas played on a bouncy castle. Duncan had quite a wait before the train got moving and he was great. He was so excited; his eyes were shining and he kept waving to me 'Bye bye Mummy!' He waved at people as they went by. This is another new thing. Then we all went on the swan boats, Duncan with Gordon and Thomas with me.
We took the boys' swimming stuff and they played in the big paddling pool. Duncan was running around, splashing and jumping and laughing and squealing with joy. Thomas was more cautious and delicately picked his way around the edges. Every so often, Duncan would dart up the steps and run to the sweet shop, right by the pool. He would be looking in our direction as he ran; he knew he wasn't supposed to do it but he thought it was worth a try. Gordon and I took turns to observe Duncan. He can move so fast that we couldn't take our eyes off him for a second, especially in that crowded environment, and with all the little half clad children looking quite alike. It was usually easier to hear him than the other children though, he was certainly louder! At one stage, he tried to engage a little girl in a splashing game and I had to intervene, and another time, he blew water out of his mouth at a group of teenage girls. Thankfully, they just laughed.
(I saw a woman walk through the pool, fully dressed with her trousers rolled up. Two little boys were playing as she passed and they splashed her front a bit. The old biddy then poked one of them on his shoulder and scolded him for wetting her! I tell ya', if that had been my child, she'd have been wet all over.)
I couldn't believe how great Duncan was at dealing with all those tempting bags of candy-floss and ice-lollies right out on display. I kept telling him '1st paddling pool, then lollipop', and he managed to wait. They got their ice-lollies to eat as we walked back to the car.
Later in the evening, I was helping Duncan on their computer when a wasp stung me in between my toes. It bloody hurt!! Duncan was most interested and after volunteering to 'kiss it better', he asked me to draw a wasp!
Some of the other things I have had to draw recently;
On Wednesday, while Lady was gone, we took the boys to Pickie Park in Bangor. Duncan and Gordon went on the little Pickie Puffer train while Thomas played on a bouncy castle. Duncan had quite a wait before the train got moving and he was great. He was so excited; his eyes were shining and he kept waving to me 'Bye bye Mummy!' He waved at people as they went by. This is another new thing. Then we all went on the swan boats, Duncan with Gordon and Thomas with me.
We took the boys' swimming stuff and they played in the big paddling pool. Duncan was running around, splashing and jumping and laughing and squealing with joy. Thomas was more cautious and delicately picked his way around the edges. Every so often, Duncan would dart up the steps and run to the sweet shop, right by the pool. He would be looking in our direction as he ran; he knew he wasn't supposed to do it but he thought it was worth a try. Gordon and I took turns to observe Duncan. He can move so fast that we couldn't take our eyes off him for a second, especially in that crowded environment, and with all the little half clad children looking quite alike. It was usually easier to hear him than the other children though, he was certainly louder! At one stage, he tried to engage a little girl in a splashing game and I had to intervene, and another time, he blew water out of his mouth at a group of teenage girls. Thankfully, they just laughed.
(I saw a woman walk through the pool, fully dressed with her trousers rolled up. Two little boys were playing as she passed and they splashed her front a bit. The old biddy then poked one of them on his shoulder and scolded him for wetting her! I tell ya', if that had been my child, she'd have been wet all over.)
I couldn't believe how great Duncan was at dealing with all those tempting bags of candy-floss and ice-lollies right out on display. I kept telling him '1st paddling pool, then lollipop', and he managed to wait. They got their ice-lollies to eat as we walked back to the car.
Later in the evening, I was helping Duncan on their computer when a wasp stung me in between my toes. It bloody hurt!! Duncan was most interested and after volunteering to 'kiss it better', he asked me to draw a wasp!
Some of the other things I have had to draw recently;
- Ice Age nut
- Bug's Life false teeth (from the Geri's Game short film after the film on our video)
- Bug's Life nasty grasshopper (hands go down)
- 4 Magic Roundabout characters
- Lots and lots of Snow White Grumpy pictures
- Thomas the Tank Engine lighthouse
- and many more!
25 Jul 2006
A new experience
Lady has gone to summer scheme. It's her first day and she was nervous when I dropped her off this morning. She doesn't know anyone there. It's being held at the local leisure centre and should be loads of fun for her. The only problem is, it lasts from 9 to 5; such a long day! We're missing her too.
Thomas and I went shopping this morning. I wanted something to wear to my cousin's wedding in August. I told Thomas what would be happening, and that it probably wouldn't be much fun for him, but he wanted to come anyway. He said he wanted to see my new clothes. He gives me sartorial advice some mornings, so perhaps there's a future in fashion for the boy!
(Oh, just to record a lovely Thomas moment; yesterday morning, he came into our room for his daily hug, and when I told him I had to get up, he said I just needed 'one more bit of hug-ness' before he'd let me go. He's such a darling!)
So off we went, with him charming all the old ladies as usual.
On Sunday we went for a long walk together, through the country park and down to the beach. On the way, the children started playing in the stream while we rested on a bench. An old woman was out walking her dogs, 2 friendly and imperturbable creatures. We said hello to each other and she was just about to turn round to the sight of Duncan standing by a tree, and who had chosen that very moment to empty his bladder. So I quickly called out 'Isn't it a lovely day' and we had a nice chat and she admired the children and thought we were a lovely family altogether ;-)
When we reached the beach, Duncan started to ask for his small wand. I suddenly remembered that the last time we were at that particular beach, he had brought and lost a little toy wand. Obviously he thought it would have turned up again. I was able to distract him with a bag of pistachio nuts. I ended up carrying him on my back for a while.
Our journey then took us through some meadows so they all ran through shouting 'swishy swashy' (Bear Hunt reference there). It was a lovely time together.
In the afternoon we decided to have our first ever family trip to the cinema. We watched Over the Hedge, and everyone enjoyed it. Gordon bought some popcorn for the boys and they sat, enthralled for the whole show. Duncan was funny; he cried a few times, when he saw the characters on-screen cry, and he was particularly taken with the phrase 'Stella, STELLA!!' shouted by the cat who was in love with the skunk; hope I'm not ruining the plot for anyone here! However, Duncan thought he was calling 'stand up' and a few times throughout the show he shouted 'stand up!' I had to tell him that we are quiet in cinemas. Duncan also looked round to the projection room a few times, with a big smile on his face. There was something about that which ticked him.
I'm so happy to know there is another thing we can enjoy together as a family.
Thomas and I went shopping this morning. I wanted something to wear to my cousin's wedding in August. I told Thomas what would be happening, and that it probably wouldn't be much fun for him, but he wanted to come anyway. He said he wanted to see my new clothes. He gives me sartorial advice some mornings, so perhaps there's a future in fashion for the boy!
(Oh, just to record a lovely Thomas moment; yesterday morning, he came into our room for his daily hug, and when I told him I had to get up, he said I just needed 'one more bit of hug-ness' before he'd let me go. He's such a darling!)
So off we went, with him charming all the old ladies as usual.
On Sunday we went for a long walk together, through the country park and down to the beach. On the way, the children started playing in the stream while we rested on a bench. An old woman was out walking her dogs, 2 friendly and imperturbable creatures. We said hello to each other and she was just about to turn round to the sight of Duncan standing by a tree, and who had chosen that very moment to empty his bladder. So I quickly called out 'Isn't it a lovely day' and we had a nice chat and she admired the children and thought we were a lovely family altogether ;-)
When we reached the beach, Duncan started to ask for his small wand. I suddenly remembered that the last time we were at that particular beach, he had brought and lost a little toy wand. Obviously he thought it would have turned up again. I was able to distract him with a bag of pistachio nuts. I ended up carrying him on my back for a while.
Our journey then took us through some meadows so they all ran through shouting 'swishy swashy' (Bear Hunt reference there). It was a lovely time together.
In the afternoon we decided to have our first ever family trip to the cinema. We watched Over the Hedge, and everyone enjoyed it. Gordon bought some popcorn for the boys and they sat, enthralled for the whole show. Duncan was funny; he cried a few times, when he saw the characters on-screen cry, and he was particularly taken with the phrase 'Stella, STELLA!!' shouted by the cat who was in love with the skunk; hope I'm not ruining the plot for anyone here! However, Duncan thought he was calling 'stand up' and a few times throughout the show he shouted 'stand up!' I had to tell him that we are quiet in cinemas. Duncan also looked round to the projection room a few times, with a big smile on his face. There was something about that which ticked him.
I'm so happy to know there is another thing we can enjoy together as a family.
20 Jul 2006
Not a novel treatment for autism
A few days ago, I listened to the BBC Radio 4 programme, My Brilliant Baby; a discussion about hothouse parenting versus benign neglect. One of the contributor's said she and her husband had started out as laid-back parents, but when they realised their son had autism and his special-needs nursery was inadequate, he started 4 years of intense behavioral therapy. She says about her son;
She mentions that when they were out for a walk she thought;
I heard this programme on the same day as I wrote my post A novel treatment for autism. It describes the opposite approach to that we are taking with our son. Duncan plays with trains a lot, or with his little Zeebad figure and paper tube characters. His play looks repetitive, but I wouldn't think to restrict his access to those toys. I also know him to be fully human already, even without such training as she describes. Although I have no way of knowing whether this is the right approach, I would imagine than when he is 10, he will be happy in his own skin, perhaps he'll have one or two good friends but he will seem strange to people who meet him. About that last part, so what! As my children are learning, different is good!
His play was terribly repetitive and obsessive and he wouldn't really communicate with others. If he was going to learn and grow up as a whole person and happy person, Sam was going to have to be actively taught all the things that other children just absorb naturally (snip)She then refers to some books they made including one which began;
Sam underwent 40 hours of lessons a week with a team of behavioural therapists (snip)
Everything in Sam's environment became super-controlled. His favourite toys-his beloved dinosaurs-which he would arrange in circles again, and again, and again, and again-they were all put away and he was only allowed to play with them for half an hour every day.
He had to learn everything. He had to be taught to look at people and recognise emotions. He had to be taught not to grimace weirdly and not to walk away while someone was talking to him.
'I must not talk all the time about dinosaurs, bugs and death.'(said in a monotone, to the merriment of the other guests.)
She mentions that when they were out for a walk she thought;
'Oh good, he's generalising social skills', for as Sam was gradually becoming human, I was becoming a creep.They gave up the therapy after 4 years because 'Sam needed to have a life.'
We kept on Sam's therapy for 4 years. I think it was pretty successful, though of course as he doesn't have a twin, I can't really tell how he might have shaped-up without it.
Sam is 10 now, and although he is still a difficult boy and needs support at school, he has genuine friendships with other children and he also doesn't seem strange the minute you meet him.
He now says rather poignantly, 'When I was young, you ever let me play with my elephants, and there were always these ladies everywhere. I never had any space.'I thought this was a interesting interview. The mother obviously wanted to help her son, but the piece included many autism cliches that I believed for a while when Duncan was diagnosed. It's sad that she felt she had to fill his days with so much therapy and restrict his access to his favourite things.
I heard this programme on the same day as I wrote my post A novel treatment for autism. It describes the opposite approach to that we are taking with our son. Duncan plays with trains a lot, or with his little Zeebad figure and paper tube characters. His play looks repetitive, but I wouldn't think to restrict his access to those toys. I also know him to be fully human already, even without such training as she describes. Although I have no way of knowing whether this is the right approach, I would imagine than when he is 10, he will be happy in his own skin, perhaps he'll have one or two good friends but he will seem strange to people who meet him. About that last part, so what! As my children are learning, different is good!
18 Jul 2006
Leitrim lanes and Sligo castles
We had a great weekend with my brother, sister-in-law and their 2 daughters. It really was as perfect as we could have hoped for. The children enjoyed playing outside together in the sunshine. My niece C. adores her big cousin Lady and wanted to emulate her hairstyle, so I had to put C's hair into 4 plaits too. Thomas played with cousin E. who is almost 3. They had fun on a toy tractor and Duncan showed them how to drag each other in the trailer.
I went for a run -4 miles!- with sil. I. She's been running for a while now and is much fitter than me, but I manged to run most of the way though I walked up the hills. Our route was along narrow, isolated country Leitrim lanes, past bogs and low mountains. I thought of the John McGahern's Memoir in which I've just been reading his recollection of walking the Leitrim lanes in his childhood. I. told me that he died a few months ago. I hadn't even heard and feel a bit shocked and bereaved. Last night I read the heartbreaking passage about his beloved mother's death when he was a boy:
We went to a 'Game and Country Fair' at Makree Castle in the afternoon. Last year at the same event, Duncan had wandered off and it took us 15 fraught minutes to find him (standing by an ice-cream van). Amazingly, he recognised the place although it's just crowds of people and stalls in fields. He pointed to a group of stalls and asked for 'brown sugar cubes', meaning fudge. That section contained the shopping stalls, though how he could tell them apart from a distance, I don't know. He was on great form, stayed by me (with lots of reminders) and with Thomas, really enjoyed patting loads of well groomed dogs, there for the pet show. Gordon joined a queue to buy ice-creams for everyone. Duncan was getting a bit anxious at having to wait, and it wasn't helping him that I kept reassuring him that he would get ice-cream soon. So I walked close to the van, and pointed to each of the people in front of Gordon in turn, saying '1st that man gets ice-cream, then that woman, then that man, then that man...then Daddy gets ice-cream for Duncan' and I repeated this information as the queue reduced. He must have understood better what was happening as he was content to wait then.
All the children enjoyed the day. Lady liked the falconry display. Duncan was enthralled by some dancing horses and afterwards, he was singing the Gipsy Kings song played . Even when lyrics are in English, it's usually just a collection of sounds to him and although he has no problem repeating the phrase, it's good when someone says it slowly enough for him to hear the individual words.
We bought a selection of good cheese, olives and bread and feasted after dinner when the children were finally asleep. The next day we had a relaxed walk, played and ate some more before heading back to the north east and home.
I went for a run -4 miles!- with sil. I. She's been running for a while now and is much fitter than me, but I manged to run most of the way though I walked up the hills. Our route was along narrow, isolated country Leitrim lanes, past bogs and low mountains. I thought of the John McGahern's Memoir in which I've just been reading his recollection of walking the Leitrim lanes in his childhood. I. told me that he died a few months ago. I hadn't even heard and feel a bit shocked and bereaved. Last night I read the heartbreaking passage about his beloved mother's death when he was a boy:
Those who are dying are marked not only by themselves but by the world they are losing.He would have known he was dying when that was written. He was a wonderful, author who wrote truthful accounts of lives and family, place and the seasons. May he face the rising sun.
We went to a 'Game and Country Fair' at Makree Castle in the afternoon. Last year at the same event, Duncan had wandered off and it took us 15 fraught minutes to find him (standing by an ice-cream van). Amazingly, he recognised the place although it's just crowds of people and stalls in fields. He pointed to a group of stalls and asked for 'brown sugar cubes', meaning fudge. That section contained the shopping stalls, though how he could tell them apart from a distance, I don't know. He was on great form, stayed by me (with lots of reminders) and with Thomas, really enjoyed patting loads of well groomed dogs, there for the pet show. Gordon joined a queue to buy ice-creams for everyone. Duncan was getting a bit anxious at having to wait, and it wasn't helping him that I kept reassuring him that he would get ice-cream soon. So I walked close to the van, and pointed to each of the people in front of Gordon in turn, saying '1st that man gets ice-cream, then that woman, then that man, then that man...then Daddy gets ice-cream for Duncan' and I repeated this information as the queue reduced. He must have understood better what was happening as he was content to wait then.
All the children enjoyed the day. Lady liked the falconry display. Duncan was enthralled by some dancing horses and afterwards, he was singing the Gipsy Kings song played . Even when lyrics are in English, it's usually just a collection of sounds to him and although he has no problem repeating the phrase, it's good when someone says it slowly enough for him to hear the individual words.
We bought a selection of good cheese, olives and bread and feasted after dinner when the children were finally asleep. The next day we had a relaxed walk, played and ate some more before heading back to the north east and home.
16 Jul 2006
A novel treatment for autism
It's called maturation; that is, the natural process of growing and learning.
My child doesn't need treatment, he needs a little teaching, and not even too much of that since he learns in a fairly autonomous way.
When I first learned that Duncan was autistic, I was determined to find the most effective therapy (well cure actually, but I was a lot less enlightened then), and was willing to throw myself selflessly into ensuring that every waking moment was optimised.
(That reminds me of a scary article I read recently. It describes all time a child spends outside of some 40 hours a week behavioural therapy sessions as dead time. The reader is instructed to ensure the poor child is never given a moments peace to just play or ponder, as the parent must constantly yap and sing and force new toys and flash cards and leaning opportunities on the child.)
But a few years ago; I thought that I had to be doing something, or else I was letting my son down and therefore was a bad mother. Thankfully what I decided to do first was to read widely and I came across the view that autism wasn't a terrible thing and this resonated a lot more with how I viewed my son as a quirky, sometimes exhasperating, often demanding, always loving and wonderful boy. As I've mentioned before, this growth of acceptance lead to advocacy and is part of the reason for my blog title.
What I know now, is that it is actually very easy (most of the time) to raise Duncan. We have optimised our living environment to suit his and our needs. We lock some internal doors to avoid unnecessary battles and have a safely enclosed back garden. Difficulties arise often enough, but I'm getting better at dealing with them. This weekend we were away at my brother's house and visited a crowded fair, and he was excellent. I enjoyed his company and was proud to be his Mum.
Duncan has a TV with an integrated DVD player and video which he uses a lot. He needs to watch and re-watch films to catch what is said. I hear him saying the phrases over and over trying to make the right sounds. I see it as an important educational tool for him, although I previously thought only neglectful parents allowed their children to have a TV in their bedrooms. He plays most of the day. He asks me to draw pictures and has to find words to describe what he wants. We manage to squeeze in lots of maths too, as I ask him what shape the desired drawing should be, should it be bigger, longer, are there stripes or dots, do they go above or below. He can turn on the computer and use a variety of software and websites to play and learn. He dresses-up most days and re-enacts scenes from the films. He runs and climbs, rides his bike and scooter, chases and bounces. He loves to sit on my lap for cuddles or a story.
Over the past few months, with no great effort on my part, he has continued to increase his vocabulary, his knowledge of the world, the words he can sight read and he has extended his diet. I just smile and play and keep loving him.
That's all I have to do.
My child doesn't need treatment, he needs a little teaching, and not even too much of that since he learns in a fairly autonomous way.
When I first learned that Duncan was autistic, I was determined to find the most effective therapy (well cure actually, but I was a lot less enlightened then), and was willing to throw myself selflessly into ensuring that every waking moment was optimised.
(That reminds me of a scary article I read recently. It describes all time a child spends outside of some 40 hours a week behavioural therapy sessions as dead time. The reader is instructed to ensure the poor child is never given a moments peace to just play or ponder, as the parent must constantly yap and sing and force new toys and flash cards and leaning opportunities on the child.)
But a few years ago; I thought that I had to be doing something, or else I was letting my son down and therefore was a bad mother. Thankfully what I decided to do first was to read widely and I came across the view that autism wasn't a terrible thing and this resonated a lot more with how I viewed my son as a quirky, sometimes exhasperating, often demanding, always loving and wonderful boy. As I've mentioned before, this growth of acceptance lead to advocacy and is part of the reason for my blog title.
What I know now, is that it is actually very easy (most of the time) to raise Duncan. We have optimised our living environment to suit his and our needs. We lock some internal doors to avoid unnecessary battles and have a safely enclosed back garden. Difficulties arise often enough, but I'm getting better at dealing with them. This weekend we were away at my brother's house and visited a crowded fair, and he was excellent. I enjoyed his company and was proud to be his Mum.
Duncan has a TV with an integrated DVD player and video which he uses a lot. He needs to watch and re-watch films to catch what is said. I hear him saying the phrases over and over trying to make the right sounds. I see it as an important educational tool for him, although I previously thought only neglectful parents allowed their children to have a TV in their bedrooms. He plays most of the day. He asks me to draw pictures and has to find words to describe what he wants. We manage to squeeze in lots of maths too, as I ask him what shape the desired drawing should be, should it be bigger, longer, are there stripes or dots, do they go above or below. He can turn on the computer and use a variety of software and websites to play and learn. He dresses-up most days and re-enacts scenes from the films. He runs and climbs, rides his bike and scooter, chases and bounces. He loves to sit on my lap for cuddles or a story.
Over the past few months, with no great effort on my part, he has continued to increase his vocabulary, his knowledge of the world, the words he can sight read and he has extended his diet. I just smile and play and keep loving him.
That's all I have to do.
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