Autism and Thomas trains

A few weeks back, the NAS were promoting a small survey they'd commissioned about Thomas the Tank Engine and autism. It was mentioned in the Guardian, and on the NAS site. A PDF of the report is available here.

Not surprisingly, given the names on our blog and what any regular reader knows about my son, when I saw the questionnaire on the NAS site and in their newsletter, I decided to respond. I'd imagine many others also took part because their autistic children are so into Thomas, so it's not exactly unbiased!

Anyway, it's interesting to read and here are a few quotes from the PDF report.

The research
A survey with parents of children with autism under the age of 10 was launched on the NAS’s website in April 2007 with nearly 750 people taking part. Ten telephone and face-to-face interviews were also conducted with parents of children with autism aged between four and nine years old. Four parents in England, two in Wales, two in Scotland and two in Northern Ireland took part.


Summary of research findings
Some of the main findings are:
• In a comparison with other popular children’s characters, Thomas & Friends was the most popular, with nearly 90% of children liking it ‘very much’.
• Many parents felt that Thomas & Friends played a significant part in their child’s early learning and development – in particular numbers, colours and language.
• Some children in the study have been able to learn basic facial expressions and emotions from Thomas & Friends.
• Parents have been able to use Thomas & Friends’ ‘language’ to communicate with their child where ordinary language has failed.
• Almost 39% of parents reported that their child’s interest in Thomas & Friends lasted over two years longer than siblings’ interest in the character.
• Highly important aspects of the relationship for parents were the feeling of safety and security Thomas & Friends provides for children and its calming effect.

Some, well seemingly many, autistic children just really like the Thomas stuff and learn from it. This is intrinsic learning in action. It demonstrates that you don't need to have a marketed therapy to get through to your child, you just need to see what interests them and go from there together. Now if anyone tries to market 'Thomas Therapy TM' I'll scream!

Some of the quotes in the report include;

“Thomas & Friends has definitely been one of the elements that has helped him to recognise human facial expressions and to label his own emotions.”
Parent of seven year old with autism.

...

Their intense interest in Thomas & Friends seems to have been of some help in enabling children with autism and their siblings to interact, even if this is only that they watch a Thomas & Friends DVD together.

“R will play alongside his brother and sister with the trains and tracks. His sister will tell a story with the trains and sometimes R will join in but I don’t think he really understands. He prefers to go over the same stories from the DVDs. He does like to crash the trains into each other with his brother though!”
Parent of seven year old with autism.

...

Communication connection
Interestingly, some parents have found that they can communicate with their child and manage their behaviour using Thomas & Friends’ language and terminology, where ‘ordinary’ language has failed.
“We use lots of Thomas language to communicate with B and get him to do things, such as a ‘washdown’ for a bath, telling him he’s ‘really useful’, ‘chugging up’ to bed, and ‘red light’ or ‘the signal is up’ for no or stop.”
Parent of four year old with high-functioning autism

Any of the above sound familiar! :-)
I like that last quote too, it's stuff that we do. That 4 year old's parent and me would just 'get' each others ways of interacting with our children.

Model Railway

Thomas and Lady headed off to their jujitsu class on Saturday with my dad. Duncan and I picked them up when it ended. Duncan was attired in his over-sized 'Duplo train' T-shirt, Gordon's sunglasses, a top hat and carrying an umbrella. He looked very dapper. He'd not wanted to wear any trousers under the T-shirt, but I'd managed to persuade him that he'd feel too cold without them.

On arrival at the leisure centre, I saw a sign advertising an American model railway exhibition. Well, we had to check that out. We piled into the hall, and it was like a dream come true to a train fan like Duncan. There were maybe 10 different model railways, all very elaborate and detailed. Loads of engines, track and carriages were on sale also. These were mostly the Hornby type; proper model stock, and costly too. Duncan managed to find a small Ziploc bag of Thomas the Tank stuff, little mini trains each only a couple of cm long. I bought them, but not the Percy engine he found later, which cost £30! He had a bit of a tantrum at that, but it didn't last and we got back to watching the trains soon enough.

We all enjoyed the trains and Duncan was very good about keeping his hands off, more so than the last time we'd seen a model railway display. I did keep reminding him to just look, use his eyes, keep hands off. About 3 times, a little hand darted out to gently touch an engine or a minuscule sheep, but he knew he wasn't supposed to really. Lady and Thomas enjoyed the displays too. They stuck together while I stayed close to Duncan.

Duncan got lots of compliments on his hat. He did stand out! It seemed to be older men who were running the railways, and there were little groups proudly presenting their latest acquisitions. Then there was this oddly dressed little boy, his face shining with delight, following a particular engine round the track, his face level with the engine, his eyes squinting a bit (to see more detail, I think) and squirming past them to stay with his favoured engine. I apologised a few times when he bumped someone a bit, but they weren't bothered. They said it was nice to see children enjoying it all. One fellow was so kind. He let Duncan come in behind and sit on his high stool and press a few buttons, flip the switches and turn the dials. Oh how Duncan loved that!

We went to an adjoining room for a drink and snack, and Duncan brought out his bag of engines and started playing with them on the floor. A boy came up and started talking to him about them. Duncan ignored him so the boy spoke to me instead. He told me how he loves Thomas trains even though he is 10. He also told me about all his other trains in great detail, and about his sister and many other things beside, and asked me lots of questions. He was such a sweetheart. As we went out, I said goodbye and told him I'd enjoyed our conversation. His mum and I smiled at each other. We knew our boys had something in common.

All in a row

Have I mentioned before that Duncan likes Thomas trains? Oh I must have. Here are a few examples. I even took part in an NAS survey about autism and Thomas trains and was quoted in their report.

Duncan's interest in the trains comes and goes and is strong again right now. Yesterday I took a few photos of the boy's bedroom after he'd been playing contently for a while.

He has customised most of the trains in some way. He has stuck on bits of modelling clay or dubbed on paint, aiming to make the engines look more like what he wants of them.



Sometimes, the old games are the most fun.

You will...I won't

Lady and Thomas have been badgering me to get them a new baby brother or sister, in a similar way to how they'd ask for a new bicycle. Lady took Thomas to her room yesterday for some 'baby training'. They had the dolls out and were pretending to feed and change them, that way, they'd be able to help me when (their word) their new sibling arrives. Well, it's nice of them to make major life changing decisions for me isn't it!

Lady was also teaching Thomas about the solar system yesterday. We read part of a new book I found in the charity shop (great places those). It's called the Great Big Book of Knowledge and is full of facts. She loves it. She also did some French on the computer, and some writing. She did her maths and science -reproduction just happened to be the next topic on the CGP workbook we use, so that was very interesting!

Duncan played with trains, browsed BBC schools online, being very taken with this song especially, and he watched a few more Thomas films on YouTube. He enjoyed the film of Thomas set to Firestarter by The Prodigy, so that's music appreciation covered!

Duncan and I have a new game. He was quoting some Thomas the Tank lines one day, saying 'You will, I won't' which comes from a conversation between Edward and Thomas, or so he tells me! I joined in saying in a deep voice, 'You will', he laughed at me and answered, 'I won't!'
We repeated this a few times then I said, 'You can', he paused for a few seconds, then giggled and said, 'I can't'.
After a few more turns, I said, 'You do'....'I don't.'
'You are'...'I'm not.'

Last night Thomas woke up while we were all in bed and shouted out in fear from his bed. I hurried to comfort him, calling out as I went to reassure him. He told me that he was frightened of the spider on his bed. Earlier, there had been a big spider in Lady's room and I'd put it outside. I told him that it was definitely outside now so he wasn't to worry. He said 'OK, then I'll just go back to sleep' then lay right back down. It made me laugh how he went from terrified to fine so easily. Later though he called out again. This time he thought there was a lizard on his pillow! I said there were no lizards in our house and climbed up to hug him. I dusted some crumbs off the sheet and he said 'Oh, the crumbs must have been in the shape of a lizard then!' That's rationalisation Thomas style!

Just to note, while I was writing, Thomas came downstairs with his toothbrush and some 'adult' toothpaste. He wanted to use it to brush his teeth but wanted to know if it would make his nose go on fire (obviously Lady had warned him it had this side-effect!). I told him it was safe so he went off to brush. Duncan was at the time sitting beside me, but playing on the computer and apparently not listening at all. He turned to me, fixed me with that special look, thought hard and said, 'Thomas no fire on teeth, no fire on nose!'

So that's 2 autism myths busted right there! He's paying attention to his environment even when it appears he's not, and he empathises. You go my boy!

We're all learning something!

On my last birthday, I thought about a few things I wanted to do, to be more fulfilled. One thing was to learn to dance, and last night, I went to my 2nd Salsa dance class. After only 2 sessions, I'm hooked. It's great fun, I've enjoyed chatting to the other people there, and I get to dance without needing to wait for someone to ask me to their wedding!

This morning, I took all the children out in the car with me. I went to the dump (as I'd cleared out our garage yesterday) and then we went to the shoe shop and they each got new trainers. I had a bag of mini-marshmallows to dispense when needed, and we managed fine. I was impressed at how smooth it went actually. Lady was great at looking after Thomas. He is always worried about going down unknown stairs, and Lady let him ride on her back so I could keep close to Duncan. Lastly, we called into a charity shop and left with a cuddly rabbit toy, a teddy-phone and a Muppet video (Duncan recognised it from a trailer on another video and asked for 'Pig falling in the water.')

There's been lots of learning happening here. Lady has worked hard at some maths worksheets I wanted her to do. When left to her own devices, she's played with her 'Human Body Explorer' CD ROM, watched her new DVD, (Bugsy Malone), invented endless new outfits for her dress-up wooden doll, drawn pictures and filled in her Brownies book, told stories to the boys using the trains and various props, composed a poem about the guinea-pigs and played outdoors on the trampoline. (She's learnt how to somersault-the other day she wanted mustard on her hot dog; she carried it outside, turned a somersault, and told me it was to shake the mustard!). Whew! That's not half of it, but what I can remember for now.

Thomas and Duncan pootle along as usual. Yesterday, I overheard Thomas asking Duncan to play a Pingu game on the computer with him; 'Duncan play Pingu falling in the water with Thomas? Yes play Pingu?' Duncan obviously thought that was a good idea as they were chuckling away together later, while gathered round the computer.

Duncan has been inputting all the train names into Google and YouTube by himself. I stay close by when he's doing this, to check the YouTube stuff especially. There are hundreds of Thomas The Tank films on YouTube. Yesterday, he was really getting into a film someone had made, with Thomas set to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen!

Thomas loves the set of Magic Key books I got and asks me to read them regularly, then he gets all excited doing the 'game' at the end of each story. Sometimes I try to be clever and get him to read some words, or notice rhyming pairs, but he snorts in derision and says 'just read the story Mummy!' Fair enough. He is recognising all sorts of words now though, and wrote a letter to his friend in England (who really is called Thomas) ; I LUV YOU THOMAS.
I had to spell you, he spelled luv himself, and he copied Thomas from a DVD. Smart boy, eh?!

Magic and big questions

What a great day we had yesterday!

The boys came for a snuggle in my bed and Thomas and I played a game of sakes and ladders on my laptop. Straight after breakfast they gather round the computer to play the 'troll in the dungeon' game aka Timez Attack. Well, Lady played it and the boys looked on. It's good fun, and you have to answer multiplication sums to defeat the troll, so it's educational too. Honest, it is.

Later my friend D rang to say she could come over. Thomas and Lady overheard and were all excited; they love to have visitors. I told them that we'd be meeting the French boy who is staying with D's family for 6 months. Thomas immediately decided that he should be Lady's boyfriend. So they came over so we had a great gang of kids running round. We had a nice lunch together and it was a pleasure to meet the new arrival.

D had a tiny Mrs Incredible toy thingy attached to her mobile phone, which she'd placed on the high window sill in our kitchen. Obviously Duncan caught sight of this and went to have a closer look. He just calls Mrs Incredible 'woman'. D kindly gave him the tiny character; she knew it was just the kind of fiddly detailed thing he loves. He was delighted with it and played with 'woman' all day; singing to her and having her dance, making her run fast, then go slow, putting her inside trains and carriages, and just looking and looking, holding her right up to his right eye with his left eye closed.

Unfortunately, 'woman' wasn't designed for so much handling and by 7 o'clock, she'd been decapitated. Duncan brought her to me and asked me to 'fix it'. He looked at me intently, the way he does when he's trying to figure out how to communicate something new to him. He said 'woman's...' then paused, touched my neck, then said 'fix woman's...' so I filled in the gap, 'Fix the woman's neck'. 'Yes, fix woman's neck. Fix a head. Poor woman, poor head, poor neck. Woman go a hospital.'

What!!!!

He said all that!!! Yes, he sure did.

We had another visitor yesterday too. A woman just finishing her teacher training has come out to play with Duncan, via the NAS befriender scheme. She's been coming for a few weeks now and is making great friends with all the children. She plays chase and tickles with Duncan, chats with Lady and plays snakes and ladders with Thomas. Yesterday, Thomas showed off his (rather fine) trampoline moves, and she got on for a bounce with him. When she was leaving, Thomas begged her to stay for one more game. I told Thomas that M. had to meet her mother in town, 'and we don't want her Mummy left waiting for her.' Thomas saw the logic in that, 'Oh yes, 'cause her Mummy might be worried that she's been eaten by a monster!' I picked Duncan up to say goodbye to M too, he asked to kiss her! I told her she was highly privileged, I don't think he's ever asked to kiss anyone before, except immediate family. But then M is very attractive!

It's early, but so far today has been magical too. Duncan came into my bed at 7.30 and lay chatting to himself, 'summer, no summer, yes summer' then he asked about the 'woman' and the state of her neck, then he talked about Daddy. 'Daddy not go away, Daddy come back.' I assured him that Daddy would be back from England soon. Thomas joined us and started talking about feeding babies and why they drink mummy-milk and asked again how they're made. I told him about how they grow in the mummy's uterus. He asked how it gets started, yip he really did. I told him that there's a special sort of seed, a sperm, which joins the mummy's tiny egg and a baby starts to grow. He asked if we had any sperm in our house, I told him only Daddies have sperm, so he decided that after breakfast Daddy should give me some so we could get a baby. Oh lord. Sadly, Daddy's away right now!
Lady came in to join the throng, before we all got up for breakfast. It's a good job no-one's at school. I love our chilled mornings.

Right, time to get on with some stuff.

Our week out

Since there's been a man painting in our house for the past week, we've been spending every day out. It's been costly, stressful, tiring, enlightening and fun all mixed up.

On Thursday, we went to my Dad's apartment for the day. The children love it there. Lady and Thomas played snakes and ladders and 4-in-a-row, and Duncan checked their cupboards for sweet things/looked through the Argos catalogue/played with trains. My step-mum encouraged me to go out for a while, so I took the opportunity of meeting up with Gordon for lunch at a (quite upmarket) restaurant. It's clientele was mostly men in suits and elegant ladies, with hair that's 'done' once a week. We had a really nice meal, and when Gordon went back to work, I went off and spent some of his hard earned cash on some clothes for me. I got back to the children after a couple of hours away feeling like I'd been on holiday. This is certainly one of the benefits of living quite close to your parents!

On Friday, it was my mother-in-law's turn to put up with us for a while. I had to leave Duncan and Lady with her while I took Thomas to the optometrist for an eye test. He was so solemn sitting there during the test, and even when he couldn't make out the test letters, he always had a guess- he'd never admit to not knowing! So, he is a bit short-sighted (not surprising since Gordon and I both are) and we went off to choose some frames for him. He's delighted of course, bring him closer to his goal of looking like Harry Potter.

After that, my MIL had to go out, so to use up some more time, I took all the children to the transport museum. I asked Lady to stay with Thomas and make sure he was OK so I could stay with Duncan. At first, Duncan was 'stuck' in the cafe, crying for cakes or chocolate bars, but I knew he wasn't hungry as he'd just eaten before we arrived. He also had a hard time getting past the big display case of with the model railway and a Percy and Thomas train in there too. He kept trying to open the glass door, while I tried to distract him with something else, and threatened to take him home. After a bit of noise, he started to run off to look at some other things. A group of men were setting up some model railways for a one day exhibit the following day. I was right beside Duncan, with my hand on his shoulder, making sure he didn't cause any harm to the intricate, lovingly arranged sets. He did reach out and touch one signal post, even though I was whispering to him to 'just look, not touch.' One of the men setting up snapped at me, 'don't let him touch anything.' Duncan was struggling to get away from me again, and I thought 'grumpy ould f.' and called Lady to tell her we'd have to leave right away. Duncan cried and said he wanted to go on the big engine, so I relented and took him to climb into the cab of one of the steam trains. And that was the turning point, from then on he was great and we all had a lovely time. About 20 minutes later, the man who'd spoken to me earlier came past. I avoided eye contact, feeling very offended and all, but he came up and apologised for snapping at me earlier. Wow, I wasn't expecting that! I did appreciate it though. I told him that I did have to stay close to Duncan who's autistic and loves trains, but could inadvertently cause damage. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Duncan joins their group in 10 years time!

The rest of that day was spent having lunch in the McD place, running about in the forest park (we all patted a beautiful Great Dane) and watching part of a DVD in the car while it rained.

Yesterday we went to the local indoor play area. We arrived at 11.15 but couldn't go in as they only can let preschool aged children in before 12. So we had an early lunch, more junk food at the drive through, then went back for 12 on the dot. The children had the place entirely to themselves and made the most of it. Thomas was brave enough to go down the huge, high, inflatable slide with Lady, and Duncan went on a bouncy castle for the first time. He spent more time in the ball pool though.

We then drove back to my Dad's apartment for the afternoon and Duncan did some reading practise using the Argos catalogue; he can now read all sorts of important words like 'busy time Thomas' and Grrr, Roar, Ding and Toot.

Extraction

The bad tooth came out today. We were nervous about how it would go, but tried to prepare Duncan as much as possible. I'd made a little book about it, showing how we'd end with a trip to the toy shop, so he knew there would be something to look forward to. We'd practised putting an imaginary mask on our faces, and we had taken a hospital identity bracelet home to play with.

Gordon dropped me and Duncan off at the children's hospital, then left Lady and Thomas with my dad and step mum. As soon as we arrived in the waiting room, we were shown to the ward, where a bed was prepared for Duncan. There was a portable DVD player, with a Thomas film already going, and a selection of Thomas books and toys. Gordon had briefly mentioned to the nurse on Monday, how Duncan likes trains. The other families all remained in the waiting room. Duncan was happy and relaxed, holding his new Brio Percy toy train (which I'd ordered from Ebay, and had thankfully arrived the previous day). The anaesthetist talked to me about the option of administering a mild sedative, and we decided to opt for this. So just 5 minutes before he was due to go into theatre, the nurse gave me a spoonful of Nurofen, with a small quantity of ketamine, and Duncan took it without too much trouble. Then he was wheeled in on the bed to theatre. I held him on my lap while the anaesthetist gave him the nitrous oxide. That was difficult. He struggled when the gas started to flow, but I'd been warned just in time and was able to hold him for the few seconds it took to take effect. He drifted off so quickly, was put on the trolley and we went out to wait. I was tearful at that stage, seeing him struggle, then so helpless was distressing. About a minute later, the dentist who wasn't operating came out to say he'd had just one tooth extracted (already!) and after a few more minutes, we went back to the ward where we was already awake. He was disoriented, upset, bleeding slightly in his mouth and thirsty. I cuddled him, he had some juice, and more quickly than I could have imagined he settled again in my arms. He started asking for his Brio Percy. We couldn't find it, though he'd been holding it as he went to theatre, and the nurse remembered putting it on the trolley. Everyone started looking all over for it; they all recognised how important it was to Duncan. But we just couldn't find it and Duncan was most upset. We had to leave, though the nurse promised to have a good look for it again later, and to let the cleaners know to keep an eye out also. She told me that if it didn't turn up, she had one at home that her sons didn't play with much, and she'd send it to us. How nice is that?! But while we were waiting outside for my dad to pick us up, Gordon was called on his mobile; the train had been found, wedged in the trolley wheel! Hurrah!

We made a quick trip to the toy shop to buy a Thomas Aqua Draw, then on to the apartment for some bacon rolls, before Gordon went to work and the rest of us came home.

Duncan was sleepy and quiet. After playing with Lady and Thomas for a while, he started to get a bit cross, so I took him upstairs to lie down with me for an hour in my bed. We had a nice snuggle, and Brio Percy was rolled up and down my shoulder. He just jumped up again, wanting a drink.

Lady and Thomas have been great throughout all these events. They love going to visit their grandparents, in fact, when I woke Lady early today, she said, 'Oh fantastic, this is the best day of my life since I went to Jamaica, or since Duncan and Thomas were born!' She does go in for hyperbole! She also wanted to see the damaged tooth, and reckons the tooth-fairy will throw it on the reject pile.
Thomas was worried about Duncan when I told him what was going on. He said, 'I don't want my brother to be sick.' Wee sweetheart.

As on Monday, my dad and step mum were amazing. There were a few posts on the hub recently about wonderful, understanding and helpful grandparents. I can totally identify with that. My dad and Duncan have a really special bond. He knows exactly how to engage him and as soon as they got together, they start playing. Dad revels in Duncan's achievements, and tells everyone about all the funny and clever little things he does and says, just as he does for his other 7 grandchildren. That love is returned as all the children adore him too.

Busy days

Thursday may have started with me sitting on a wall feeling as useful as flipping Humpty Dumpty, but it got much better. My dad called later that morning telling me that my baby brother (he’s 24!) had come up to visit with his girlfriend and their daughter Lilly. She was born 2 days before Thomas and about 12 weeks before her due date. But she is thriving now and is a great little girl. Her mother is wonderful with her. (I was so worried about her when she became pregnant as I wrongly thought she was too young).
I arranged to meet them at W5, the hands-on science place in Belfast. We all had a great time. Lilly really enjoyed it, as did her parents and Granda! Duncan played with the wooden trains for a while before seeing how many ways he could push a plastic ball into a big sucky tube (that’s the scientific name for it). He sat for about 10 minutes concentrating on aligning rods on a platform before going to the castle, grabbing a flag, hoisting it onto his shoulder and marching around saying ‘I’m the king’! Lilly’s mum and me went off for a nice cup of tea and left the men in charge for a while too!
When we were going back to the car, Thomas was copying his big sister by walking along a low wall. He has only recently started to do this as, unlike the other 2, he’s nervous about heights and uneven ground. (He insists that I carry him on and off trains and in lifts). My dad was with him and when they got near the car, Dad lifted him off and carried him over. Thomas started crying really hard and kicking and squirming. I was putting Duncan’s seat belt on and he became distressed to see Thomas so unhappy so he started screaming and he bit my arm- hard. Thankfully I was wearing a leather jacket because he marked me badly. :-( He kissed me on the arm straight after he’d done it. He always does if he realises he’s hurt someone. As we drove off, Thomas was still crying and explained that he had wanted to walk on the wall to the end, just like Lady. He said he was very, very, very angry with Granda and wasn’t his friend any more. ‘You’re just my Granda and my uncle and not my friend’ (The uncle thing must be generalisation for male relatives). My dad apologised to him for not listening and after a while Thomas decided that he did love Granda again. It was interesting when he was telling Gordon about it later he said that he was ‘so, so, so, so angry with Granda but it was alright because Granda was still smiling’.
Everyone came back to our house for pizza and play.
On Saturday we wanted to meet again so we took the train to St Georges Market (farmer’s market) in the city. Duncan’s little face was a picture of joy on the train! We had some good food and Lady enjoyed the freedom of wandering around the market without us, talking to the stall holders. A Spanish group was playing. Lady told me she went up to tell the singer that she enjoyed her singing, and then they had a discussion about music!
We called in at Gordon’s mum’s where I stayed while Lady went to Ju Jitsu and Gordon went to the gym. Afterwards, MIL looked after all the children while Gordon and me went out for a quick coffee.
Sunday started out as a nice lazy day. I was having a bath and talking on the phone to a friend. Before the call had ended, somehow my little cuckoo children were all in the bath and I’d been pushed out! We went to see some friends and had lots of good chat and yet more nice food. Thomas and his little friend (aka Jack) were off exploring in the garden and spend a good deal of time making funny faces and laughing. Duncan was a bit over active, and when we were going home it was obvious that he was exhausted as he was alternating between really grumpy and tearful. They all had a quick bite to eat then went straight to bed and conked out right away.
We watched a bit of Donnie Darko (free with Sunday times) on the laptop in bed before giving up and conking out too. (That’s not some euphemism, there’s other blogs for that sort of thing…)

A bit of diversity

It’s been nearly a week since I last blogged. It was a nice Easter week: we’ve eaten well and we’ve had a few outings, some more successful than others!

We had a really good day here on Easter Sunday. We sorted out the garden a bit in the morning and the children liked their presents of new mugs, windmills and a few mini chocolate eggs.

My Dad, Step Mum and the children's Grandma all came over for lunch. The food was delicious, and it was just a lovely, relaxing day. The children enjoyed the company too. Thomas told me at one stage, ‘I like visitors. Is this my party? Am I four now?’ My wee sweetie! He also demonstrated his ‘magic’ by repeatedly hiding things behind his back, them using his powers to make them reappear, to the astonishment (hmm) of his audience. Lady did a fair bit of showing off too and read out a story she’s written, ‘The Witch Tale’. Duncan loved all the attention and games and best of all, chocolate!

On Monday we went to Downpatrick to ride in a real steam train. It was magic. The journey lasted only 15 minutes, then we got out to watch the engine turn and re-couple. This was a most exciting endeavour involving lots of steam and whistle-blowing and men down on the tracks clanging bits of metal. Duncan’s little face was a picture of pure joy. We then chuffed back to the station, crossing a bridge and waving to the people in canoes and the man driving a tractor. Duncan was singing and smiling and calling ‘hello’ to anyone we saw. There was a little shop at the station selling, oh god no, ‘Daniel’s’ engines! That is one of the other types of trains that we’ve managed so far to do without buying because he’s never seen them in any shop before, just on the internet. Well, I bought him a ‘Percy’, I think he has 6 Percys now! Thomas got a ‘Thomas’ flag and Lady got a bunny necklace. All in, a good trip.

We didn’t do much on Tuesday or Wednesday but we did manage to sort out some household management stuff. On Thursday we went to the Aquarium. It’s a great place but it wasn’t such a successful outing. First of all, Duncan was disappointed that we weren’t going on a steam train again, (the train only goes 5 or so times a year). When we went in, he was running around all over the place. That was understandable since we’d been in the car for a long time so he was like a wound spring. They all liked touching the rays and sticking their hands in the touch pools. Lady liked the anemones and Thomas liked the giant crabs. I stuck right by Duncan, and he spent most of his time in a children’s section full of play tubes and dressing up clothes. Duncan dressed as a diver and wanted to jump into the water with the fish! At one stage Gordon was with him and he threw his shoe away and it hit some other poor child. Gordon was really embarrassed and upset and wanted to go home right then. But we stayed another while and before we left, they went to watch the seals for a while. The seal was right up against the glass beside Duncan who was loving it, especially when it started barking and he barked right back! They were rolling around together and just making friends! That made the trip worthwhile. Everyone was grumpy on the drive home though, pah.

Today we had some friends over. When they’ve been here before, Thomas has usually stayed near me and my friend and her 1 yo daughter. Today though, he spent the whole time playing with Lady and the other little boy. They were playing Harry Potter; there was a bit of an issue about the casting but Lady set some challenges and her friend K bagged the main role while Thomas had to accept the part of Ron. They said Duncan was Malfoy! Not that he was interested anyway.

Lady has suddenly started reading well which she’s happy about. Thomas was playing in the bath last night with some foam letters. He had an ‘N’ and was thinking of N words. Then he got an ‘O’, put them together and said NO. Pretty good, I thought. Both boys have enjoyed some maths stories I bought in the charity shop and do well with the little puzzles in them.

I’ve realised why I had to draw the same picture over and over for Duncan. He started producing his own rocket pictures, and they’re really good. He enjoyed watching the process of creating the pictures as well as the finished product. He likes to have these objects and characters to hold and I think that’s why he likes to dress up too. He likes to see himself in character. Lately, he has been wearing a knight costume, a Pocahontas dress (with pretty shoes and a pink hat), an angel dress with wedding veil and Lady’s yellow top under a ‘Big Chief’ waistcoat. We embrace all kinds of diversity here ;-)

The king, the princess, the fairy, the prince and his horse

Yesterday was dry and sunny and in the morning, Duncan was sitting outside, dressed as the handsome prince and examining a collection of trains and drawings. He looked so content. I thought about how different it would be if he was still going to school. He’d have been forced into a school uniform and onto a bus at 8 am, and then made to engage in activities that held little or no interest or relevance to him. Oh, I’ve just remembered; on Sunday I was having a lie in and he came into my room, kissed my cheek and ran out saying ‘handsome prince!’ When he came back a while later I asked if I was the sleeping princess and he said yes, then I asked who everyone else was. He told me that Thomas was the fairy, Lady was the king and Gordon was the horse!

We had friends over to visit in the afternoon. I had a lovely time sitting around, drinking tea and chatting. Oh and I enjoyed watching a beautiful smiling baby, content in his Mummy’s arms. The children all enjoyed themselves too, even if Thomas was a bit judgemental about D’s hair! Duncan was happy when he saw the boys come to the front door and he wanted to cuddle D when she came in, though that may have been partly because she had a bag of food he wanted to investigate!

Later when Gordon came home from work, Thomas told him about his day, ‘my friends were here and A. (the baby) was here and you missed him,’ which was obviously the most important thing for him.

We had yummy roast chicken for dinner and after the children were in bed, we watched ‘Annie Hall’. I’d forgotten how utterly funny and sweet and wonderful it is!

We’re having another quiet day. Thomas has been doing what he calls his work, which is, playing CD ROMs. He spent ages playing a ‘learn to read with Clifford’ game, and was doing really well at sounding out the letters for 3 letter words. He also played ‘Jojo in number land’ and is now onto ‘Adiboo’ a strange but fun music game. Duncan has been focusing on rockets again today. He has asked me to draw pictures of ‘Barney’s rocket’ (it features in their ‘Barney in outer space’ video) over and over. I must have drawn 10 of these by now! I was getting a bit fed up drawing the same thing so many times, (though I’ve been instructed to make some alterations on the recent batch) but I figure he must need to do this right now. He can’t explain what benefit he derives from it, but there’s obviously something meaningful going on. Perhaps sometime later on, he’ll look back at this and tell me what it was. I also wonder what causes his great desire to acquire new Thomas the Tank Engine trains. He’s gone beyond needing the different characters so he can emulate the stories we read or that he watches. He now wants me to get the various types of each train produced by the different manufacturers. In this case, completing the collection seems to be his motivation. Thankfully he hasn’t discovered the Hornby collection yet. At a cost of £20 or more per engine, he can buy those for himself when he’s grown up, if he’s still interested!

Lady has been going through a BBC Spark Island Maths book and longingly reading a Disney World holiday brochure with Thomas. I sent off for the free DVD because I knew Duncan would enjoy the footage of roller coasters and other rides. Maybe we’ll go there some day, but not anytime soon!

Engines, caterpillars and falling over

I was talking with Duncan about Lady's birthday. I said, 'Lady is 9 now.'

'NO! Lady not 9, Lady is 5!'

'Oh, and how old is Duncan?'
No answer

'Is Duncan 7?'

'No, Duncan is 6.'

'And what about Thomas, what age is he...what number is he?'

Thomas is 1. Daddy is 4 and Mummy is 2.'

Then I got it. Duncan has assigned his own Thomas the Tank Engine names to everyone in the family, and a few friends and extended family members too, and he prefers to use our engine numbers, not our ages. Here's his version;

• Lady - James (no. 5)
• Duncan - Percy (no. 6)
• Thomas - Thomas (no. 1)
• me - Edward (no. 2)
• Gordon - Gordon (no 4)
• Grandma - The Fat Controller (no number!)
• Granda - Henry (no. 3)
• G. (my step-mum) - Diesel 10
• M. (NAS befriender) - Oliver the Great Western Engine (no 11)
• C. (my sister) - Mavis

In fact, for any person I mention, he'll think for a while and then assign an engine or character name and he's always consistent in who's called what.

This summer, a fun fair has set up in our local town. One of the rides is a caterpillar roller coaster for children. Duncan remembered it from last year, and is fascinated by it. We have had to go down to the fair many times this year, on little pilgrimages so he can stand in awe watching this marvelous and slightly scary contraption. He asks me to 'go to see caterpillar train...sit on bench. Not ride! Just watch.'

So we go, and he delights in watching the thing, and the others run after pigeons or circle the fountain and we usually all get a ice-cream (a 99) to make it all worth while. Last week, he wanted to go a bit closer, so we went into the fair area and stood right beside the ride. After watching it go a few times, he decided he wanted to try it so on we went. He was a bit frightened and was softly saying 'stop, stop, get off, I don't want to die.' (The line about dieing is a quote from somewhere and he uses it to mean... I'm a bit worried.) I held him and told him it was safe, it's just a ride, we go round 3 times then it stops and we get off. By the end he was sort of getting used to it but we were both relieved when it was over. However as soon as he got off Lady and Thomas ran up to hug him and were all excited that he'd done it. I was telling them 'Duncan was a bit scared, caterpillar trains are a bit fast and scary' He corrected me saying, 'not scary, Duncan is happy.'

I don't think he'll want to go on again in a hurry, but he's pleased to have experienced it for himself just that once.

Right now, the boys are eating cookies that Duncan and I just baked. Lady is at summer scheme for the last time this summer. And I've just answered the door to some annoying man offering to clean the gutters and making fun of the cuts on my face; 'Did you fall over? Was there drink involved?'
Oh god how hilarious.

Oh yeah, I fell over, and there wasn't any ice involved this time. Yesterday evening I had to ask our neighbour about something and Lady came out after me leaving the front door open. So Duncan came out too and didn't want to go home. I played a bit, running after him and pretending to 'get' him. Then I managed to lead him indoors, and he asked to ring the door bell. I know he likes to do this sometimes on his way in, so I opened the front door again. But instead of ringing the bell he dashed off towards the gate. I ran after him; he stopped suddenly in front of me, and I just had too much momentum to stop myself in time. I ran into him and tripped up, crashing over him, bashing my face hard on the tarmac, ripping out the knee in my jeans and cutting my knee, and hurting poor little Duncan's side as he was trapped under me.

It all hurt a lot, and Duncan was so annoyed to see me bleeding. He said, 'Mummy no cut. Bleeding tomorrow. New skin will come.' He was kissing and fussing me, even though he'd been hurt himself. Anyway, the children were all so sweet and Lady told me to lie down and they tidied up. Gordon came home and doctored me, buying steri-strips to seal the still bleeding wound.

But flipin' 'eck, I'm not used to this pain. How do kids cope with all the cut knees and whatnot they get?

Train Puzzles

Duncan just asked me to help him update his blog. He's put up some pictures of Thomas & Friends trains...in pieces. One of them is like a cylinder spread flat and the other 2 are puzzles, with components of each engine, including eyeballs (these are engines with faces) jumbled up and in need of recombination. He's helpfully shown all the colours needed to paint the engines too.

Duncan loves the Magandy site as a source for down-loadable engines for his Trainz Railway Simulator game. There used to be a collection of fantastic Thomas & Friends engines available, but sadly the site owner had to stop making them available. Luckily, it turns out that this kind man was willing to make an exception for a certain young enthusiast. But Duncan lives in hope that there will one day be more Thomas trains on the site again and he copies and colours in other engines making them more like his favourites.

Our Thrilling Weekend

I'm just being ironic...but it's my blog, I'll be ironic if I want to.
I'll also post a dull-to-read catch-up of the past few days if I want to.

So Friday, it was a cold crisp sort of day. I took the children to a big Tesco supermarket. I had to buy markers for the budding artist and the big sets sold by Tesco are the best we've had. I took a trolley, and feeling a bit like I was about to invite a bull into the Belleek show room, went into the shop. Thomas rode in the trolley and I'd asked Duncan to hold on and help me push. He dashed off right away to look at some comics, but came back when I called him. I'd told him we were buying markers and doughnuts with pink icing (the best kind, apparently) so he knew he was about to benefit. We passed a display of Thomas trains and again he went to have a closer look. We examined a few engines, then I asked him to put them back and...he did! No problems so far. Next we picked up the doughnuts then Duncan and Lady helped me put a few other items in the trolley. Duncan was singing as we went, 'I want you back' by Take That. Lady told me proudly that some teenage girls were smiling at him; she reckons they thought he was cute! We didn't buy much, I didn't want to temp fate by going beyond Duncan's comfort limit. But I was so pleased with how well he managed to deal with all that temptation, to choose to stay beside me and to even help.

Afterwards, we went to a lovely little playground, overlooking Belfast Lough and the children had fun and I played chase to keep warm.

On Saturday I took the boys to another playground for a run around, while Gordon and Lady went to the sports centre for their Saturday gym/Jujitsu sessions. I called into a shop with Thomas and Duncan and this time had much more difficulty controlling Duncan. I wondered afterwards if it was having the trolley that he could push and hold on to, that had helped him to stay calm the previous day.

Well, we called up to see Gordon's Mum for a while. She looked after the children while Gordon and I escaped for a quick, grown-up lunch at a nice wee cafe. I do like it when we have a little break like that.

My brother called to see us on Sunday. The second he came in the door, Duncan ran up to him saying 'chase me!' Obviously that's what big uncles are for. It was a lovely sunny day and the children played in the garden for ages. The children from next door care over and Lady and her friend disappeared upstairs. I heard them giggling in the bathroom and my special trouble sniffing sensors were alerted. They had the guinea pigs and our digital camera, and Lady had taken loads of photos of their exploits. She had decided she wanted to send in a photo to one of those little-girl comics, since they're always publishing photos of cute children with their pets. There wasn't much point in her denying any wrong doing, since there was a load of evidence of what they'd been up to on the camera!

Also on Sunday, my sister abseiled down a 40m high building in London, to raise money for the Macmillan cancer charity. She's a Macmillan nurse herself. She was terrified, it was windy and lonely (she told me after) but she did it. I'm so proud of her. Go C, ye big gir-ul ye!!!

autism northern ireland

Good stuff

1. Duncan's drawings and books.
2. Squishy little boy cuddles in bed each morning.
3. Lady growing up, taking more of an interest in the world, in music, in wanting to learn and develop and having fun with her mates.
4. Thomas changing so much over the summer, leaving more of his early childhood interests behind and spending more time than ever with other little boys.
5. Thomas and Duncan playing silly, fun games together in the mornings or just before bed, games like "ghost" and "smelly feet" that involve lots of laughing and tickling and chasing.
6. Duncan playing outside while an adult hovers by the front gate to check on him now and then, knowing that his siblings are also keeping an eye on him.
7. The neighbourhood children all getting to know and accept Duncan as he is, and answering their reasonable questions about why he does certain things or can't do other things. Seeing them greet him and sometimes play with him, though he usually prefers to just play his own game somewhere near them.
8. Pippi, our cute pup, who is starting to be much more responsive to our commands and who seems to have a special bond with the person who was least keen to get a dog in the first place.
9. Duncan's skill with his new PC game, Railway Simulator. We've figured out how to upload Thomas trains to the programme and he's having the best time recreating the stories in detail.
10. Breakfast in bed every other morning.
11. The Olympics, more fun than I'd expected. I loved the diving and the canoeing, and obviously, the athletics. The Jamaican men and women were astonishing, especially this guy. We all celebrated and cheered-on their successful races.
12. Getting our back garden sorted. The gardener who oversaw the building of new walls and mended fences came by for his cheque yesterday and we chatted about family and living here and he mentioned that his youngest child was recently diagnosed as autistic. He spoke lovingly about her chattiness and extraordinary memory and I told him about Duncan. It was nice.

autism autistic Ireland

Fine as we are

The house is relatively quiet right now, as Gordon has taken Lady and Thomas out shopping. Duncan is sitting on the floor beside me playing with, well would you believe it, he's got the trains out!

We haven't done anything remarkable since Friday, when I took the children to a big playground not far from here, and we met up with a few other families whose children learn out of school. It was a lovely sunny day and they all had a great time. I was required to play several games of 'chase-kiss' with Duncan, so I had my work-out too!

A few times, I felt it was necessary to explain Duncan's actions or limited verbal understanding to other adults there. He wasn't doing anything wrong at these times, as he was actually on great form. I wondered if I should get him something visible (like a T-shirt with a message or a badge) that would explain in a non-condescending or pitiful way, that he won't understand them if they start jabbering away to him; especially for those times when I'm not right there. I don't mind telling people he is autistic. (Though I have problems with saying it when his behaviour is poor, as then it would just reinforce people's negative perceptions. For example, when he has a tantrum in public, I rarely make eye contact with people around us; I just shut them out and concentrate on Duncan and his needs.) Anyway, I don't know if it would be a good idea or not.

Thomas would have started school this term had he been going. Compulsory education here (not schooling mind) starts the autumn after the child turns 4. So what are we doing about this- well nothing. What happens right now works well,. The boy is happy and learning loads in his own way. Why mess with the perfect recipe!

Just to finish, I wanted to note, that right now, Duncan is engaged in his favourite pass-time, watching Thomas themed YouTube videos. He's found a corker; Thomas meets 50 Cent!) It's better on this site though, with cleaned up lyrics and all.

Go Thomas, like it's your birthday!

Christmas Day

It's CHRISTMAS!



I'm sitting on Duncan's bed, trying to help him get to sleep with my comforting/guarding presence. He pushing a new toy train (it puffs steam and chuffs and there's a tiny red light in the funnel) up and down his bed and chatting to himself. It's been a good day. It's been a nice few days.

The highlights for me;

When I was tucking Thomas into bed on Christmas eve, he hugged me and told me he'd love me forever.

Lady drew a beautiful picture of herself and her brothers for Santa; Santa liked it so much, he wrote her a little message to tell her so.

Thomas wrote a letter to Santa, which he read as, 'Dear Santa, I would like 5 presents please. I like you, from Thomas.' I may have seen a random selection of letters, with his name written perfectly in the middle, but Santa understood perfectly.

Duncan asked me to draw a picture of Santa, so I did. Then he wanted a Santa book. So I made a book, stuck the pages together, and he dictated the story and told me what pictures to draw, then we read it together. There's no doubt now that for the 1st time, he understood exactly what was gong on this Christmas.

At 6.30 this morning, we were all downstairs and everyone was delighted with their presents. Duncan was so excited and happy. He was shouting 'hooray!' and kept hugging me tight and squashing his face next to mine and kissing me saying 'cuddle you' and 'thank you!'

Thomas gave me one of his chocolate coins 'for being a very good adult'.

Lady looked so beautiful in her new pretty combat trousers, you know the cute ones with loads of pockets and a bit of pink embroidery so Action Man wouldn't be seen dead in them.

I played a new Harry Potter Cd Rom with Thomas and Lady; Santa decided against getting a Nintendo DS etc.

We had visitors; Gordon's mum, my dad, step-mum and her 2 sons and we all chatted, drank bucks-fizz and ate crisps.

Gordon did all the cooking while I washed-up and peeled vegetable and played with children. Our meal was wonderful. Gordon's desire to improve the taste of Christmas dinner each year has obvious benefits.

The rum-soaked Christmas cake I'd made was bloody excellent. I alternate each year between soaking the fruit in rum or in whiskey to celebrate our family's Jamaican and Irish roots. ;-)

Doctor Who (the only telly I watched) was great fun.

I thought back to Christmas 3 years ago. Duncan was 3, and because he often had his hand down the front of his nappy, he'd sometimes (or often?) inadvertently smear, well you know what. That Christmas day, I remember washing a whole box of wooden trains and track, hosing him down in the shower, and Gordon getting out the carpet washer and getting to work. Wow, we've come a long way.

Anyway, like Shane says, happy Christmas yer arse.

Jolly uncles

Thomas is playing ‘snakes and ladders’ on the computer and Duncan is digging holes in the garden. He likes ploughing his trains through the dirt. Earlier I was listening to him playing with a few toy men; ‘you NASTY man, you are so grumpy. I have a happy face. You have a grumpy face. You are HORRIBLE.’ I wonder what that was all about…?

I went for another run the other night. It was lovely. I went to the park, followed the burn (stream) to the sea and then walked along the beach alone listening to the wind and waves and birds. Gordon goes to the council gym and thought I might enjoy that too. But I much prefer to go away by myself somewhere quiet, instead of a gym with noisy machines and 5 big TV screens. I need some screen-free time!

My ‘little’ bother C came for a visit yesterday with his girlfriend and her 3 year old son. My Dad came with them. The boys had so much fun playing together. Uncle C is big and strong so is great at picking up small children and swinging them up over his head and generally tossing them about in a way that Duncan just adores! Lady wishes she wasn’t too big for all that. Duncan enjoyed lots of chase games and our little visitor was right at home, since he loved playing in the boys’ toy car outside. We all went to the beach for a while too and as expected my children had socks and shoes off and paddled in the cold sea. Thomas came to inform S, my brother’s girlfriend, that her little boy had fallen and needed help. He said ‘your son has fallen down’ in his formal little serious voice. Thomas fell himself too and bumped his forehead on our wooden bench. He got a huge bump and a little cut. When he saw it in the mirror, he was very pleased to have a scar on his forehead, just like, well who else, ‘Hairy Potter’!

Oh I have to describe what my crazy daughter is doing; she came in wearing a yellow bath towel over her head, and yellow rubber gloves on her hands and feet, while Thomas was wearing blue rubber gloves. She was pretending to be a duck and Thomas was the water!

Doctor distractions

Been lacking blog juice lately as my brain ponders a whole heap of stuff. Thomas has gone with his dad and grandmother to Oxford for a few days. They'll all be home tomorrow. He is having a good time, enjoyed the Star Trek film last night. (I want to go see it myself some day too.)

I popped into see the GP yesterday, had a mole on my arm I wanted checked out. I didn't think it looked too scary but thought it best to be overcautious. Duncan and Lady came with me. Duncan pranced around the doctor's room looking for the Thomas trains, for surely, every doctor has some stashed in a box somewhere? Sadly, they weren't to be found so he hopped onto the examination bed, grabbed the pillow and telling us all about his discoveries, lay down for a few seconds. All the while I was talking with the doctor. To distract him (Duncan I mean) I asked him to look at the eye test letter chart and to read the letters. Instead of naming each letter, he made words of each line, "zee not, dosap..."

The doc laughed, and remarked on what a clever boy he is.
And my mole is entirely benign, I'm just to photo it so as to track possible changes.

When you want to hear 'NO!'

Duncan has been great these past few days. Well at least I think so. On Saturday I left both boys at my MIL for an hour while I took Lady to Ju-Jitsu. When I got back, Duncan was asking for a train that he had convinced himself I would buy. He was upset that I didn’t have it and was making a lot of noise so I took him into the kitchen to calm down. His Grandma told me he was very unhappy while I was gone and kept saying, ‘he has a bad cold’ to excuse his behaviour. I knew that wasn’t it; he was just really unhappy that I didn’t get what he wanted. I empathised with him, and after a while he calmed down, though every time he remembered he became a little upset again. But it was OK, I really wasn’t worried at all but his Grandma obviously was. I started to tell her about how great he’s been at playing with the others and how he’s talking more and even starting to read. It’s hard on her to see him at his worst. She loves them all deeply but finds it much easier to engage with Lady and Thomas. She was talking to Thomas about his beautiful eyes (he’s well used to hearing that!) and he nodded in his wise and sombre manner and said ‘yes, the white bits are made out of paper and the black bits are made from coal’, referring to his eyes! A while later, I said something to him about how I was trying to make a point (daft thing to say to a 3yo I know) and he screwed up his forehead and said ‘points? Change the points?’ because so many conversations in our family centre on trains.

Lady has been drawing lots. She drew a picture the other day which she told me was of her ancestor, in a field in Jamaica and she was sweating because it was hot.
Now when I write out some sums for her, she does the sums then decorates the page and writes ‘Oh no’ but crosses that out, then writes ‘oh yes’ which she circles. She also writes ‘by Lady’ on all her work, except she writes her name in Chinese characters. (A friend of Gordon’s wrote it out for her last year and she copied it hundred’s of times!)

Duncan has been talking more and more. When he’s asked something, he will now give a most emphatic ‘no’ when appropriate; when he’s done something wrong (naughty) and I tell him so, 50% of the time he spontaneously says sorry and 50% of the time he says thank you when he’s given something. Whatever everyone else is up to, he wants to be part of it. He was playing hide and seek with Thomas in my bed this evening. When Thomas was under the covers, Duncan was saying ‘where is he, I can’t see him’ and laughing because he knew where he was, then he pulled back the duvet with a flourish saying ‘there he is!’ That was another first!
Gordon really thinks he should go to school until the end of term at least. I see no point but I’ll see what happens tomorrow.