29 Jul 2006

A wee problem and perspectives

Duncan wets the bed. He can use the toilet independently during the day, but almost every night, I have to change the sheet, often the duvet cover and pillow case also, and sometimes more than once.

I lift him out of bed 2 times a night and take him to the toilet. He wears nappies, though they don't do all that much good as he, well he's a boy, and he fiddles, causing his urethra to point up and out of the nappy!

It's a bit of a pain, but I reckon it's just one of those things that he will eventually grow out of.

There are some other things going on right now. He is loud. He cries a lot; sort of shouting out at me, to get various things or do what it is he wants RIGHT NOW! I'm not talking about really big storm outbursts. This low-level complaining happens if I don't immediately jump to do his bidding. This shouting can last for 5-20 mins at a time, and happens several times a day.
He sometimes pulls at me and bites my sleeve. He knows not to bite my skin (though he has done on a very few occasions when he was completely overwhelmed and unable to exert any self-control. This has not happened for over 5 months).
I can mostly screen it out, and try to help him communicate what he wants in a more reasonable way. If I ask him to use a quiet voice, he will say 'Not happy, Duncan sad!' It grates on me sometimes, and I will get a bit grumpy and whiny and do the 'Can I not even have a bite of breakfast in peace' or some similar spiel.

But you know what, it always blows over. No-one is ever hurt. I'm getting better at dealing with it and at helping him deal with his big feelings. It reminds me that I have a choice in how I view these things. I could rage against the world and ask 'why do I have to listen to this, it's so unfair, other kids don't do this, if he didn't have autism we could do so much that we can't do now, blah, blah, blah.'

But what the hell good would that do. It would only trap me in a bitter cycle of pity, that would close my eyes to much of the joy we share, like hugs and smiles and watching all of them grow, learn and progress. And there is a lot of progress.

Wow, I'm feeling really happy and optimistic now!

5 comments:

Joseph said...

well he's a boy, and he fiddles, causing his urethra to point up and out of the nappy!

I can relate.

I think they sell bedwetting alarms. I haven't tried those because my son is not ready yet. But I hear they work.

Bonnie Ventura said...

You're probably right that Duncan will outgrow the bedwetting. My sister and son were both bedwetters, and they outgrew it at about age 13. My sister had a bedwetting alarm, but my son didn't; I think it's just a matter of growth and development.

Elder Faery said...

I think bedwetting is kind of normal..with all kids, actually. Some do some don't. Mine have been through phases..Ash (3) is out of nappies at night and is dry in the mornings atm...but I never expect it to be a permanent thing...he'll probably wet the bed every now and then. Willow..I can remember..last year, was wetting the bed and we lifted him once or twice a night (he is 7 now), but again, I expect that we'll have a wet bed every now and then. Meadow was also lifted until quite 'late'. I know others that have wet the bed once every blue moon for no particular reason up until their 20's. I reckon that faint aroma of wee is part of family life *chuckle*. The trick is, I think to be as realxed as poss about it and try and show the kids how to deal with it as much as possible themselves (helping clear sheets away etc). When I was a kid my mum had a 'star chart' for wet beds..that wasn't a great help.

Lovely post Sharon, it was really supportive and uplifting:)

Sharon said...

Yep, it seems to be just one of those things. He isn't bothered by it in the least. If he wakes up wet, he just strips off and comes to lie beside me, nice!
I know that he will eventually develop the ability to go stay dry most nights.

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