11 Jul 2007

Beautiful Words by Bullet

I read a beautiful post on the Autism Parents Forum by the woman who has become the heart of that growing group of people wanting to help their children, while loving them for who they are. I asked for, and was granted, permission to copy what she wrote here.

The poster known as Bullet wrote;

Do not tell me that you hope he will be cured, because then you will tell me he will lose his fantastic memory, the way he can whizz through a jigsaw puzzle after only just seeing it, the way he can recite whole poems and stories, even if he hasn't heard them in a while.

Do not tell me that he will grow out of it, because then he will lose the way he kisses with his forehead and plays with my hair and touches my face, not because he wants sweets, or to stay up for a bit longer, but because he loves me, nothing more complicated than that.

Do not say he cannot learn, because he perceives the world in a different way to you. See him remember places he's not been to in months and watch him read numbers, know colours, shapes and letters and then dare to say he cannot learn, because he can't ask for a drink.

Do not demand vocalised speech for him as the be all and end all, let it be his choice and give him other options. Do not presume that silence means compliance, that a failure to say if something is wrong means that everything is right. Let him sign, draw, write, talk, whatever he needs to get his point across and never, ever belittle him for not opening his mouth, or for opening his mouth and communicating in a way that may seem strange to you.

Do not presume to think his worth can be measured on how social he is, how much peer pressure he succumbs to as he gets older, how much he is able to network. As he grows, let his worth be measured on the respect he gives others, on his sense of justice and mercy, on his willingness to help those in need if he is capable of that help.

Do not take my smart, funny, affectionate little boy and try and mould him into your rigidly defined views of what is socially acceptable. Let him learn, let him develop and let him understand that his value in the world is as equal as yours.


Steve D said...

Thanks for posting these words by Bullet, Sharon.
Question: How can we make the Forum easier for parents to find? I am thinking of trying to ask USD if they will post a link on theoir website. And maybe some other local groups. Any ideas?

strawberry said...


What a lovely poem. My daughter is currently being assessed for ASD. It made my hairs on my arm stand up reading it...because my daughter, who has never kissed me properly, does sometimes but not often kiss using her forehead. She also plays with my hair all the time.
Once again thank you for sharing that with us.
I have introduced myself on the autism-forum under strawberryswirl.xx

Sharon said...

Hi Steve

It would be good to publicise it more. I think the forum could help lots of autistic children. I will contact the NAS and out local autism group to see if they would be willing to provide a link.

Hello Strawberry and thanks for visiting! It is lovely, and I'm glad you could see some of the wonderful aspects of you daughter in Bullet's words.
See you over at the forum, and please feel free to post about any worries or questions you have.

Bree said...

Wow, that really is very inspiring.