Minerals and Mountains (and my Birthday)

It was my birthday on Monday. Gordon booked a night in the Slieve Donard hotel in Newcastle, and arranged for my dad and step-mum to come and babysit. We had such a nice time. We were away for just over 24 hours, but it was a wonderful break. The hotel was beautiful and our room (paid for with Tesco vouchers, yippee!) had views of the sea and the Mourne Mountains from all 5 windows.

Dinner in the hotel wasn't great; not what we'd expected. Breakfast was perfect though. If there was a world contest to see what country made the best traditional breakfast, Ireland would definitely win!

We spent time in the health spa (why's it called a spa?) on both days. There was a 20m pool with huge windows along one side, with views of the mountains sweeping down to the bay. It was all so luxurious.

I didn't bother with any of the 'treatments' though. I'm far too tight for one thing, but for another, it's such nonsense. Me and Gordon were cracking up, when I was reading the leaflet in our room, describing the 'Hot Stone Therapy'.

Hot Stone therapy has been used for thousands of years for harmonising, cleansing and relaxing the body at its deepest level. Volcanic in origin, Basalt lava stones are rich in minerals and can be heated and used for deep body massage and intensive energy work. They may be placed on specific energy points or Chakras to help the body clear blocked energy centres and help relax and dissolve stress, drawing excess hyper-energy away from over-stimulated areas, bringing new energy to depleted zones. Different mineralogy in cold stones may bring a cooling, clearing effect when placed on the eyelids.

Isn't that fantastical? Rich in minerals eh? Minerals must be good. But isn't arsenic a mineral? And what are the benefits, how are they absorbed? And how do you relax at 'the deepest level' and my favourite bit of all, the new physics described, whereby 'hyper-energy is drawn away from from over-stimulated areas, bringing new energy to depleted zones.'

But anyway, we loved the place. After checking out, we drove around the mountain roads, stopping off for a peaceful walk in the Silent Valley. It was a special birthday, and the best thing about it was the company. We arrived home just after 5, with a little gift for the children who had, as always, enjoyed their time with their grandparents. They'd been to the park and had ice-creams and everything! Also, my dad had mowed our seriously overgrown garden, he's such a good Daddy!

Stuff from the week

Last Friday, I went to my cousin's wedding. Gordon wasn't able to go with me; work commitments. Instead I travelled across to the west with my dad and step-mum. Gordon's mum came to our house to mind the children for a few hours, and then M. (our NAS befriender friend) came over to stay until Gordon got home. Both baby sitters said the children were no trouble at all. Phew!

I had a lovely day. My little cousin was looking utterly beautiful, as all brides must! It rained all day, but she never stopped grinning, and was a like a wee ray of sunshine all day. In between the service and the reception, we went to a cafe for a snack; my belly had been rumbling throughout the service, bloody embarrassing! Then we visited my 95 year old granny, whom I haven't seen for far too long. She was on great form too.

The reception was terrific. We shared a table with one of my aunties and a few cousins and their spouses. One cousin had just had a baby so I enjoyed a few cuddles. Actually, whenever we all get together, it seems that someone has always just had a baby or is about to get married. I suppose it goes with having a large family. As always at these things, I enjoyed the crack, chatting and catching up and reminiscing about good times and also the hard times we've shared. The bride's father, my uncle, had died when she was only 8, in a work place accident, leaving her mother to raise 4 young children alone. Her eldest brother walked her up the aisle, and later gave a short, moving speech, though he was obviously nervous.

And then we danced! Nothing beats the dancing at a wedding!

Sunday was Father's day and Lady had made a cool card. She drew a picture of her dad with a big head and a tiny body topped by a light bulb in a thought cloud. On the back she drew another version of Gordon, with a speech bubble and the words "BAX...BAT...apoptosis...mitochondria" (words he uses often at work) which went down very well!

Since then, it's just been same as usual round here. Lady has been reading about the Greek Myths, and started to write and illustrate a few of her own short stories such as;

The Magic Eye
One day the king Eurystheus saw that he was getting old. He wanted to see his grandchildren but he couldn't see them if he was dead. The king had a daughter called Aneena. She was beautiful, but she didn't want to give birth. She liked the palace and she did not want to get married. This made the king cross. So one day the king put Aneena in a box and sent her away.
THE END

I asked her if she thought she'd get married, she said she might but not 'till she's much older. She wanted to travel around the world and go diving and go to the Great Wall of China, like her aunt C!

Thomas and I were talking about letters and their sounds. I asked him if he could think of any words starting with the letter 'P' and he said 'pee, like you do in the toilet' so I agreed, that was one such word. Then he thought on and said, 'pee, like what goes under your bed'. I didn't understand this one, so he pointed to the mattress (we were in my room). I said 'that's called a mattress.' He said, ' I mean the thing that goes under it, and the loads of mattresses go on top, and then the princess has to climb up the ladder to go to bed'. Ah, pea...how was I missing what should have been so obvious!

We also had a very interesting talk about evolution, when he asked me about dinosaurs being the scariest animals and I told him that people were never on the earth at the same time as dinosaurs. He asked me who made the first people. He liked the ape story!

Thomas has worn his dad's stripy tie every day this week. He now ties it himself, wrapping it round many times so it resembles a cravat. Lady was worn a red silk scarf on her hair, topped with a pick woolly hat. She likes the way it makes her look like she has long red hair. No uniforms here!

Duncan is going through a major Thomas the Tank phase again. I investigated the lead paint on engines toy recall, but none of those we have are affected, thank goodness. He and Thomas have spent hours each day setting up the 3 different types of track and telling stories.

Duncan also lost his 2 bottom front teeth, and was pleased to receive money from the tooth fairy, which was exchanged for, well guess what, a 'Shiny Sir Handel' train.

Autistic Pride Day

Today, June 18th is Autistic Pride Day.

Autistics Speak. It's time to listen

so have a look through some of the links on the right, especially 'The Best in Autism Writing'.

And have a nice day!

Parenting is Not So Easy

Mom26children has a post which got me thinking.

When I introduce my children, I do not introduce them as Autistic children.
My children are individuals who happen to be autistic. I am lucky, they do not
misbehave in public..they learned very early that they would be removed from
situations if they could not behave appropriately in public.
Even Caitlin and Kiernan know this.

Just because you have an Autistic child does not give them free reign to disturb others in a public situation. If that was the case, we could allow any person to disrupt any situation.
If you want your Autistic children to be taken seriously, you must take your Autistic child seriously.

How can we prepare our Autistic children for their future and being accepted by society if we allow them, as children, to act inappropriately in public?

Just because your child was given the diagnosis of Autism does not mean you have to stop parenting your child....

I agree that you have to keep parenting the child. I don't agree that I cannot allow him to act inappropriately in public. Not if acting appropriately means emulating what would be expected from a typically developing child.

My son often behaves in ways that would be described as 'bad'. I don't doubt that his behaviour disturbs other people too. For example, last week I took the children to the zoo and met with several other home-educating families. Duncan wanted to sit in his Major buggy (large pushchair thing) which is good because it gives him somewhere to go and hide under a coat when he wants some peace.

We passed the playground and most of the children went on the equipment. Duncan sat in his buggy for about 10 minutes watching them, though I asked him a few times if he wanted to play. Suddenly he jumped out and climbed the steps of the popular and crowded climbing frame/slide. He screeched happily as he went. When he came down the slide, he didn't want to get off. He wanted to climb up the slide. I told him that children were coming down, climb up the steps. He refused and started to cry hard. I had to hold him to stop him from climbing up while the others were coming down. I tried to comfort him, telling him we'd see the animals. He just got into a major state. It was unexpected. He screamed and thrashed. He hit at me, though as always he held back from actually hurting me. It would have looked bad though. I sat on the ground beside him for about 15 minutes while he got settled again. The place was packed with school groups and loads of little kids were staring at us. The teachers were staring too, but more discreetly.

See, he kicks off some times. He tantrums or makes noise or flails his arms around. It looks bad. Gordon gets really upset when this happens in public, but I don't. I'm getting better at helping him, he's getting better at calming down. People can stare and tut and whatever all they like. I don't have the same expectation of him as I do of his non-autistic siblings. I would be horrified if either of them had a outburst like he does sometimes.

This is part of his autism. It's part of his developmental disability. If he were unable to walk, I wouldn't expect him to run. If he were blind, I wouldn't expect him to see. He's still learning the skills to regulate his behaviour. He gets overwhelmed. He can't explain what it is that is upsetting him, or what it is he wants. It feels to him that his world is falling apart.

While he was upset last week, I was trying some of the stuff that I've said before to help him. I empathised with his mood, told him that I knew he was angry. I told him I would help him. I tried to playfully ask him to 'take the grump out and throw it away' (it helps sometimes!) but he wanted to be angry. What eventually helped was my telling him that he is angry today, he will be happy tomorrow. He often refers to any time in the future as 'tomorrow'. That seemed to make him realise that this feeling would go away.

I seriously considered dragging all the children back to the car and home. Is that what is meant by removing them from the situation?
But that would have been unnecessary and Duncan wouldn't have learned anything from it. I have cut events short before, but it wasn't warranted then.

Afterwards, the day was lovely and we all had a fantastic time.

I find it hard to parent Duncan at times, harder than with his siblings. It's not impossible though. It just doesn't come so easily to me. I'm definitely on a learning journey. We both are.

8 things about me

I was tagged by EF and Allie to list 8 facts/habits about myself.

What kind of things shall I write about? I'm not such an interesting a person! Ah well, if you read this, and it bores you, too bad.

1. When I was 7 and making my first communion, I wanted to be a nun like my teacher.
2. When I was 33 or so, I came to accept that I just don't believe in god any more. (I blame Bertrand Russell.)
3. I clean our toilet about 4 times a day. It comes from having little boys with imperfect aim.
4. I like things to be clean, but am not too worried by mess, well as long as it's not out of control.
5. As a child, I lived in the countryside, surrounded by fields and cows. I used to like singing to the cows. They'd always walk to the gate to look at me, weird thing that I must have appeared.
6. When I was 7, my nun teacher used to frequently tell me off for walking around with my hands in my pockets. She said I'd get badly hurt if I fell over.
7. I'm doing the best job in the world right now. My co-workers are wonderful people. The pay sucks though.
8. I have a very big family. I have 5 siblings and both my parents came from large families. Unusually for Irish families, non of their siblings left the country, so I grew up with bucket loads of aunts, uncles and cousins.

Any one who wants to do this, consider yourself tagged.

Making Friends

Yesterday, we visited some home-educating friends for the first time at their house. Their home is big and beautiful, and they don't have a garden; they have grounds! Lady paired up with E, and they spent the day exploring, walking in the rain, riding bikes, practising high jumps, learning magic tricks, inventing spells, catching a frog (they released the creature again right away) and talking, talking, talking!

Thomas spent his time with J, and they walked round with their heads bent, and their brows furrowed and discussed stuff. Thomas had taken his Harry Potter robe/Doctor Who coat and his sonic screwdriver (well, what kind of Time Lord travels without one).

Duncan found a selection of Thomas the Tank Ladybird books. They were tightly packed in a large book case with only the spines on view so it was obvious they were there, right! He also managed to find a few chocolate sweets in a high corner cupboard in the kitchen, that S didn't even remember they had. But you know how some shark species can taste one molecule of blood in a million molecules of water, it appears that Duncan has instead, some enhanced sugar detection system.
He liked their rocking horse, and J's toy monkeys and Warhammer figures. He spent most of his time siting in the middle of J's toy castle, looking at Thomas books and eating crisps.

We had a really nice time. Unfortunately Duncan did manage to break a model of a barge E had made and a guitar string and...well something else no doubt :-(
The only way to ensure he doesn't cause any damage, however inadvertently, is for me to stay right with him all the time. And I was having a nice chat myself and many cups of tea.

When we went home, E asked Lady to stay for another while, and S agreed to drop her off home later. I think it's the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

Duncan is 7!

It's Duncan's 7th birthday, though he insists he is still 6. He's had a nice day. His Granda came around yesterday with a present; a Brio train set, with a level crossing! He set it up immediately and played with cars crossing the tracks.

Late in the afternoon, the whole family took him to his favourite toy shop so he could choose his gift. He picked a fancy station for his 'noisy trains'. He and Thomas played with it for hours when they got home.

When I'd asked him last week what he wanted for his birthday present, he said,'Percy runs away, Ladybird book. Henry stuck in the tunnel, Ladybird book.' So I ordered them from Amazon and hid them in my room. I gave them to him this morning, still in the brown padded envelope, which I know is much more exciting to him than wrapping paper. He was delighted with his books and I had to read the oh so familiar story of Percy the cheeky engine, right away.

It was warm and sunny today, and the paddling pool was out. The children from next door came round, and Gordon's mum joined us in the afternoon. I'd made a chocolate cake, and decorated it with an icing train track, then stuck his toy Percy on top, and jutting into a pile of the chocolate icing. This was to recreate the scene in 'Percy Runs Away' when Percy runs into a bank of earth. Duncan thought this was marvellous. We all sang happy birthday, he sang loudest of all, but covered his ears all the same!

Gordon wanted to take his photo, and Duncan negotiated with him, agreeing to pose only if he could also hold his new Ladybird book. So the first few photos were of the book covering his face, then he lowered it for, what I'm sure you'll agree, is a very lovely birthday photo!

He's my gorgeous boy, and I love him so much.

These days, Duncan is mostly singing;

Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do, when they come for you...

He's a tramp, but I love him, breaks a new heart every day...

Accidents happen, now and again, ba, ba to the end...

A cake-y cake-y a fav-ot shoe (oh yeah!)...
(It's the advertisement jingle for pretty but pricey, Lelli Kelly shoes for girls).

We stand, shoulder to shoulder...

Life must be good, when there's a song for every occasion.

Many children came

I watched a documentary on Monday called 'and many children came' about the local Camphill Community. The film's director wrote about the programme in the Belfast Telegraph; 'Ulster community which truly loves its neighbour'. He says;

... it was by accident that I discovered the Camphill Community at Glencraig and found out that nearly 200 people live there on about 100 acres. They have a school and a farm, grow vegetables organically and are more than 60% self sufficient. Glencraig had been set up in 1954 as a place where children with special needs could be educated and looked after. Today, it is a community that has grown to include all ages.

I live fairly close to Glencraig, and I knew it contained a school where most of the children were autistic. So 2 years ago, I went to look around the place on its open day. I had not realised that the children live at the school. Obviously, that alone meant there was no way Duncan would be going there. But the ethos of the place did not appeal either. It was all very nice, the staff seemed kind, the farm was well tended and impressive, the building's colours were muted and calm and there were wax pictures and candles and handwoven rugs in abundance. There were teachers who also had roles as house parents, as the children and adult residents lived on-site in homes of about 15 people, together with the co-workers; mostly students on a gap-year after leaving school. But where were the computers, the augmentative communication devices? How free were the residents to come and go as they pleased? Were they really helping each person develop to the best they could be? How did the children cope without their parents? The article continues;

I later discovered that Glencraig is a place where some very precious words are never preached, but practised every day: 'Love thy neighbour as thyself'. And it was only later that I got the opportunity to make a film about Glencraig, a film that might also prompt us to look at the way we live our lives.

There is no doubt it is a nice place and the people choosing to work there want to help others and create a peaceful environment. Several of the staff spoke of how they were a community, how they learned as much from the residents as they taught them. I may be overly cynical, but was it more than platitudes? I wonder if there is still bullying, if some residents are miserable. Is any place free from such problems? Do the staff have any concept of the advocacy movements by people with Down Syndrome and autism? Are they interested? They said that everyone has a say, but can the residents make decisions about anything more important than what to have for dinner? One of the staff describes how they assign tasks so everyone has a role to play;

"If someone is autistic and can only push a wheelbarrow that's OK," said Paul. "We need someone to push a wheelbarrow. Someone else can pick the peas. Someone else can pack and process them."

While watching the film, they showed a young blind woman. A co-worker told talked about this woman's role in the laundry, where she does no work, but brings cheer and light to the room. The same woman was shown playing music (a lute, I think) beautifully, with deep concentration and skill. I wondered, (accepting that I don't know anything about her beyond the short amount shown), how in a place that values the work of each person, they couldn't find a more active role for this woman. The article finishes;

Another truth was that in a world that has mostly lost its relationship with the earth there was a huge respect for it and for the rhythms of the day and of the year. The seasons were very important at Glencraig and the life of the community revolved round them and were cherished and celebrated. And then there was the truth of the light. The candle. A simple symbol that the founder of Camphill, Dr Karl Konig, loved. It was hard not to notice the candles at Glencraig, especially at festival times, gentle and tender and bright and everywhere. "We do not label people," said John. "Labelling people diminishes us. Everyone is equal here. Everyone is special. There is a light inside every human being."

I wondered if all the residents enjoy all the ceremonies, the candles and singing and joining of hands on the lawn. Were all the autistic residents really happy with that? I also disagree with the idea that a label diminishes anyone. Autism, is not an add-on, but an integral part of a person. Duncan's autism is a part of him and how he perceives and interacts with the world. To ignore his autism would not help him. I'm not at all sure that I'm being fair here. I hope that everyone at Glencraig is truly happy, fulfilled and cherished. It is a lot better than many of the alternatives, and without it, the residents might well be much worse off. But it did come across to me as a nice, Steiner-y prison.

The Joys of June

It's been a while since I last posted. I've been busy, and did much reading and thinking over the weekend.

However, life has gone on and there are several things I want to make note of before I forget them. Like, our trip to the playground last Thursday, when we met up with a gang of other home-educating families, with some old friends and some new ones. It was wet and often cold, but the children still had fun. Lady has at last mastered the art of swinging, and she played most of the time with another 8 year old girl whom she really likes. Thomas paired up with his best buddy, and I rarely spoke to him for the few hours we were there. He was much too busy playing! Duncan enjoyed it too, although he did keep running to the exit at first, saying he wanted to go to McDonald's (we'd passed one on the way there). Eventually he got into the swing of it too, climbing and sliding and having a grand old time. He was on great form, and although I stayed close and kept a careful watch on him, I rarely had to intervene. He did catch me out somewhat when he slid down the slide, ran to the grass verge, and stood to pee. But it was a heck of a lot more socially acceptable than doing it while up the climbing frame! Also, once he approached a man who was holding his daughter's toy Woody (from Toy Story) and was reaching out to touch the toy. I told him it was the little girl's toy, and he left it at that. I explained to the man that Duncan is autistic; he smiled and was perfectly nice. Our friends came to the house after and the children continued to play while we had tea and a chat and warmed up again!

In the evening I was reading to Thomas, a story about a dog taking another dog's bone. I asked him what it's called when someone takes what isn't theirs, he said 'it's called, rude!' Fair enough!

Duncan has continued to draw loads. I took photos of all his most recent art works. I like to see the progression in his ability. I've put them on Flickr here (they're public).

Lady has been marvellous lately. I am so proud of that girl. It's so nice to have an 8 year old daughter about the house, especially when she can make a fine cup of tea! Earlier she showed me a marvellous Superman story she's written. As she was leaving, I asked her for a hug and told her how much I love her and that she is a bright light in my life. She said, 'Thanks! But so is Duncan and so is Thomas!' She always wants to have them included too. So much for the 'poor damaged sibling of the disabled child' theory.

On Friday night, Gordon's Mum babysat again. She is such a star! We went to a dinner dance, (or ball, if you're feeling posh.) I got the tickets from a woman who goes to salsa class with me, and proceeds from the evening were going to the charity that pays for Gordon's research. We had such a good night out. The food was terrible and the wine was rough, but that was not why we were there. (And also, we are both far too fussy these days! I've been spoiled by Gordon's good cooking.) But there was a live, 2-man band, playing fun, wedding-type music, and we chatted and danced, and I even did a little bit of salsa. Though, I now realise that strappy sandals are not best suited for this.

Duncan was enjoying the Pixar site today, especially the short film Knick Knack. He's been singing the Bobby McFerrin music from that film for the past few days, and we've all joined in.
He sings, 'do-be-de do-be do-be do-be-de,' and we go 'wa-wa, wa-wa wa wa-wa-wa-wa.' I'm sure you get it!

You Make Me Think

There's this meme doing the rounds, called The Thinking Blogger award. Mike Stanton was kind enough to tag this blog. It's quite an honour when you're linked to by a great writer and a thoughtful man like Mike.

The official rules for participation in the Thinking Blogger Awards meme are as follows:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

When I started blogging at the start of January 2006, I was simply intending to have a kind of online diary, that only a few friends and family would ever choose to read. The emphasis, I felt, would be on home-education. It transpired that I probably focus more on autism. I do mostly just record what we've been up to, but every so often, I get on my soap box and give out about the state of the world. My blog stats show that I'm certainly no big player, but a heck of a lot more people read this stuff than I ever expected.

In my favourite blogs, I would read something that inspired and affected me, challenging my assumptions and giving me better insight into the issues of autism, disability and home-education. It's hard to limit the selection to only 5, but made slightly easier if I do not tag those blogs I know have already been chosen for this award. As for these others, there's a chance they will have been tagged without my knowledge, but in that case they should revel in the admiration! So to get on with it, I choose;

Zilari, at Processing in Parts, even though she has decided to stop writing in this particular blog, and the Autistic Bitch From Hell (to give her her full title), at Whose Planet is it Anyway?
These women opened my eyes to the sh!t autistic people have to deal with, explain the rampant disablism, describe what can be done to improve things and every post produced by each is an absolute must read. Honestly, read them, AND the archives!

If Kathleen, from the Neurodiversity Weblog, has not already been chosen, I'm likely to be the next leader of the NI Assembly. But sure, I'll put her down anyway.
This woman is a ruby. She is clever, dogged, unfailingly polite, thorough, fair, compassionate, dedicated and whatever the highest award available to bloggers is, she should get one. She writes about autistic advocacy and anti-scientific theories of autism causation and 'treatment'.

My favorite home-education themed blog at the minute is by Dani and Allie, and is called Green House by the Sea. As well as writing lovingly about their really cool children and their path of autonomous learning, their contemplations on education and parenting are always thought provoking.

And Finally, I give you, Diary of a Goldfish, whom I've only been reading for a short time, since she arranged the terrific Blogging Against Disablism Day. But how can I put this scientifically...she rocks!

So there you go, 5 blogs, they make me think, and they're all written by women!

A few journeys

The travellers returned on Sunday morning. They'd had a fabulous time, meeting/catching up with family and enjoying all sorts of outings and activities in Toronto. They'd stayed at a guest house called The Toronto Town House which was perfect in every way and in a great location. Gordon's Mum was in raptures regarding the whole experience. I'm so happy they did it. As well as really enjoying a wonderful city, the week served to strengthen so many strands of family relationships.

The boys and I got on fine at home. We took a trip with my Dad, to visit my 2 brothers in counties Sligo and Leitrim. That kept us all busy for a day, and as always, it was great to see the brothers (or "brudders" as my nieces say!) and all the women folk.

The gymnastics class on Friday didn't work out for Duncan this time. He tried to copy the children for a while (he was singing 'Following the Leader' from Peter Pan). Then he started to try to interact with a few of the children while they were lined up copying the teacher. Basically he kept getting in the way of the children, and going the wrong way round the circuit etc. I told the teacher I wouldn't be taking him back. She said they hope to have a woman, who is more used to teaching gymnastics to disabled children, to work one-to-one with him sometime soon. If that happens he can try again, but for now, Thomas will go alone.

I did however, have a call a few weeks ago, from the school nurse at Duncan's old school. She was asking if I wanted to arrange a health check for him, which I declined since he's been to the paediatrician recently. I did ask her if she knew about any social groups for disabled children, particularly any that also involve siblings. She rang me back last week to tell me about a youth club and an art class that they all could attend. I will have to check these out.

What is so great about ABA?

I've read in a few places lately about early autism diagnosis and the (debatable) importance of early intervention. There was an interesting discussion on the Autism Parents Forum here. Then there have been some thoughtful blog posts by various people including the always astute Abfh and one by Joey's Mom.

As well as that, I've been reading more and more in the Irish media and on Irish blogs, about the campaigning by an Irish ABA lobby group called Irish Autism Action (IAA) and the recent court action by the parents of a 6 yo autistic child, who wanted to force the state to pay for 30 hours/week of ABA therapy. They lost the case but the state has just been ordered to pay them €61,000 in costs, to cover the delay they faced in gaining a diagnosis, and because the boy was denied any services until he had a firm diagnosis. The story is reported in the Irish Independent. In the same paper, is an article about a grubby little ad by the aforementioned IAA, which was banned by the broadcasting agency.

The Irish general election next week, has seen all sorts of people, journalists and politicians in particular, talking about autism. The only game in town, as far as they seem to be concerned, is ABA for the children. Alternative educational methods are ignored, as are the needs of older autistics.

For us, as far as early detection and intervention are concerned, I suspected Duncan was autistic when he was about 18 months old. I looked up 'autism' in a paediatrics book, and it didn't describe Duncan at all, since the symptoms listed were things like 'total disregard of other people...highly resistant to being held by care-giver...'

When he was 2, I thought about autism again and this time I turned to the Internet. I came across CHAT and after a few short minutes, I knew for certain that he was autistic. Over the next few months, what I read convinced me that I had to go into action, get him loads of ABA and hound the education board to pay for it. Then after hours of therapy a week, when he was 4 and going to school, he be in a mainstream school. I did not want a child of mine going to one of those special schools. I got over that.

After a while I investigated ABA further, and attended a talk by a provider in London (LEAP). I was not impressed. I knew that ABA, at least how that organisation were offering it, was not for Duncan. For one thing, it was prohibitively expensive, and the likelihood of getting the education board to fund it was very low. But mainly, I knew that the way the programme was explained to me, it would have made Duncan very miserable. Also, the more I heard them focus on the Lovaas claim that the children could be made 'indistinguishable form their peers', the less I trusted them. They kept harping on about a study published in 1987. Was that really the best 'evidence of effectiveness' they could offer?

Instead I discovered an nursery for children with autism and related conditions, which Duncan attended for 4 mornings a week for over a year. They used aspects of TEACCH, the Hanen approach to promote communication, and some PECs . One of the 2 main teachers was an excellent speech therapist and she helped Duncan tremendously. The focus there was on learning and play, but mainly on helping the children to communicate.

The NAS EarlyBird parental training programme also helped me gain knowledge of how to help Duncan. And now he's learning at home full time, he's speaking perfectly well enough to let us know what he wants and needs, and to give orders now and then (as when he told me yesterday after we visited my brother and they were our car ready to go home; 'Mummy, get in the car, now!') He's learning to read, both by using the computer to find films and characters etc, and via phonics lessons with me. He's learnt how to draw beautifully (I think, though I'm biased!) on paper and using computer art programmes. Earlier he drew a Percy Engine on Microsoft Paint, not the easiest of programmes, but his choice recently. It was fantastic. I actually had some little tears of pride and surprise when I saw it, but even though I saved it, he cleared it and saved over the file.

So what I'm getting at, is there is no reason to think that it gets harder for anyone to learn as they get older. There is no 'window of opportunity' after which the child is damned. ABA is not necessary, though if it works for someone else, fine. I don't understand however why all these new-style ABA programmes that people talk about are still called ABA though. Is it just shorthand for 'eclectic mix of speech therapy, occupational therapy, play, child-led learning, with a hint of discrete trial training'?

The Zoo, Gymnastics, and Toronto.

Last Saturday, I took the boys to meet up with 2 of my brothers and their families, at the zoo. It's the first time Duncan has been in over a year; our last visit to the zoo together was very difficult. This time I planned more carefully. I made a little book showing exactly what we'd be doing, went to the shop on the way to ensure I had enough drinks and snacks, and brought some money for the inevitable ice-cream van. Duncan decided that he wanted to go in his Major buggy, which was a heck of a lot easier for me than having to carry him on my back on the hilly zoo paths. We ended up having a lovely time with friends and relations, and everyone benefited from my big bag of snacks.

There was a nice group around for dinner after the zoo visit (M&S curry; very nice) and my youngest brother stayed overnight with his girlfriend and daughter. We don't get to see them anything like often enough since we all live so far apart. My sister phoned when they were all here and was jealous to be missing out. That's the problem with living in London. Hopefully she'll move back eventually, (ah go on C!)

The Belfast Marathon took place on Monday. My SIL was running the whole damn thing, her first ever marathon! What a woman. I went out early with Lady and Thomas, hoping to see her and her sisters and cheer them on a bit. But I missed them, they'd either ran past before I arrived or when I'd left. Unfortunately, Thomas was too cold to stay for any longer. At least I recognised one of the runners. The other spectators were just standing around silently when we got there. I started clapping (to Lady's embarrassment) and thankfully a few people joined me, so I didn't feel like such a plonker. But for god's sake, those runners deserved a bit more than stony-faced observation as they stomped the windy streets of Belfast for 26.2 miles!

On Friday, the boys had their 2nd gymnastics lesson. It's a class for 5 year olds, and I had agreed with the manager that Duncan could try it out, and that I'd stay with him. Thomas loves the class. He has been wonderful too, really putting every effort into whatever they're doing, and following all instructions and requests. It shows that he didn't need to go to nursery or school for a few years to be able to line up and take turns and follow a class. His little face was shining with excitement and joy at one stage, when they were dong some stretching exercises and the teacher was asking them to pretend their fingers were spiders running along the floor in front of them. He was showing off a bit on the trampoline too, but not too much. That's my boy!

Duncan was frightened when we went there at first and sat beside me looking around. Then he started to explore and soon he was running around the whole room. He mostly ran around doing his own thing, jumping and climbing and leaping into the foam pit. But a few times, and much more so during the 2nd class, he joined the other children and copied them, especially when they were doing a little circuit of activities. The teacher has just recently moved from the region of London we used to live in, and taught a class of autistic children there, so she's very open minded and flexible about Duncan. She agrees that he's better off getting familiar with the place and equipment at first, and we encourage him to join in as much as possible, rather than try to compel him to do so.

Anyway, both boys are enjoying the class. Lady quite likes it too, since she stays with Duncan to help him and look after him (though I have my eagle eye on him at all times too, and have to do a wee bit or redirection now and then). Lady also has had permission to have a go on the trampoline when the class are finished with it!

Today, I'm busy helping Lady and Gordon prepare for their week long holiday in Toronto. Gordon's Mum is also going. This trip is our 80th birthday present to her! They will be meeting up with Gordon's cousin who lives there, and Lady is especially excited about meeting his daughter, who is exactly her age and whom she hasn't met before. We've been reading about all the various things to do and see in Toronto. It looks like a great city and they are all guaranteed to have a marvellous time. I'll miss them, but knowing they are all enjoying themselves so much, and that Lady and Gordon will have a good chance for some father-daughter time together, means I'm not going to be jealous.

Well not too much!

Fantastic at Phonics

We easing back into normal days again...well, normal for us anyway! The boys are watching 'Come Outside' on Cbeebies. They both love this show. Lady is writing a letter (long overdue) to her best friend in London, and I've just spent some time with both boys in turn, doing a little phonics practice. I'd printed out the 'disks' from this free phonics resource years ago when Lady was learning to read. Duncan has not sat down to do phonics before, but he got the hang of it right away, and just flew through the words! He did 7 pages, before I saw he was getting a bit bored. He was able to decipher all the words, though I had to listen hard as he insisted on whispering them. I was very impressed. Then I repeated the exercise with Thomas. He only did 3 pages, he was much less interested! Anyway, I'm not too worried. We will just do a few minutes each day, and avoid potential tantrums, from all 3 of us!

Lady goes to Brownies tonight and I go to salsa class. I arranged today to take Thomas to a gymnastics and trampolining class on Friday afternoon. I'm going to let Duncan try the class out too, even though it's for 5 year olds. It might be better for him to do something with younger children. The woman I spoke to sounded supportive, so we'll just have to see how it goes.

The other thing is, Duncan has decided that he now wants to go to Disneyland Paris! We went out to a nearby playground on Sunday evening, and he was convinced we were all going on the aeroplane! Oh boy, just a few weeks too late! Anyway, we were only in the park 10 minutes when a pair of men came to close and lock it up. They were so grumpy, giving the children real cross looks- Duncan in particular! Duncan was protesting, he didn't want to leave when we'd just arrived, but I wasn't aware it closed as early as 7pm! These fellas were like characters from the Beano!

Anyway, I reckon I will just have to go back to Disneyland with Duncan, leaving the other 2 with Gordon. I've already told my sister that she has to come with us ;-)

Blogging Against Disablism

Today, is Blogging Against Disablism Day, hosted by Diary of Goldfish, in which lots of people;

write about disability and rail against the discrimination that disabled people continue to face...from discrimination in education and employment, through health care, parenting, family life and relationships, as well as the interaction of disablism with other forms of prejudice.

Like most people, disability issues didn't concern me much before my own disabled son was born. I was aware of the social model versus medical model issue and of the ways language can be used, ie 'wheelchair user' versus 'wheelchair bound' (NO!) but I did still consider people with disabilities to be somehow 'other' to me. And now, I'm not disabled, my child is. But I realise more than ever, that my own situation could change at any time, if I was to become sick or have an accident, or as I age. Disability issues do or will affect most of us.

My son is autistic. It's an integral part of him, like his gender, eye colour, racial background, etc. It affects how he learns, how he experiences the world and how he interacts with others. It is no less valid a way of being than a non-autistic life. He is a wonderful boy, just as he is. I want him and his siblings, to develop and grow to adults with the desire to learn and the ambition to realise their potential. I want them to have empathy and respect for others, to have confidence and self-esteem. I want them to develop a health conscious life style, the skills to solve problems and the flexibility to deal with modern life as well as they are capable. These goals are in the educational philosophy I have written for each of my children. And although I have the same wishes for all, they will not end up doing or achieving the same things and they will have different levels of independence. That's fine too. All we, their parents can do, is raise them the best we can, in an atmosphere of love and acceptance of their differences, difficulties and strengths.

Discrimination on the grounds on disability is no more acceptable than discrimination due to race or gender. It's endemic in our society, and there are many great voices out there challenging this, working to reduce disablism. I see disablism in the language used about autism in the media, the 'devastation rhetoric', the desire you hear expressed to rid the world of autism. Autistic people have a right to exist and have a right to be treated well by society, as do all disabled people.